Fall Damage
by forcedInduction
Summary: More than any other part of the hero gig, Dave loved the opportunity to watch Mindy work. It was like watching an artist or an Olympian, except Dave had never seen anyone paint with oil or watercolor the way Mindy could paint with blood.
1. Chapter 1

**Here's the first chapter of my Kick-Ass fic. The basic concept of Crusader is something I created a long time ago when I was writing a comic book that a friend was going to illustrate for me. I'm retooling him a bit for this story, and I've given him a partner. Don't worry about Crusader and his partner stealing the show though; this story is about Dave and Mindy. Please review and let me know what you think.**

Feeling fatigued and spying a convenient milk crate, the armor-clad figure known to the people of his city as "The Crusader" seated himself near his prisoner – a crumpled and broken man whom the Crusader suspected of attempted rape. Though the would-be rapist still lay shivering and bleeding on the ground, the deviant's target had long since disappeared, thanking the masked hero and fleeing in shock. The Crusader settled himself on his new chair and leaned forward on his sword, redistributing the considerable weight of his armor. The point of the sword rested mere inches from the deviant's face, driving home the idea the villain was still at the Crusader's mercy. A cursory brutalizing would be enough for a mugger, but this pathetic excuse for a man warranted something more. In this brief stretch of calm, Crusader spoke.

"What is your name, damned one?"

Through gritted teeth and with deep self-pity, the twisted man on the ground answered: "Dennis."

"Dennis, do you understand why your arms and legs are broken?" Crusader inquired in the manner of one reasoning with a child.

The man spat a wad of blood into the growing puddle under his face and replied, "Cause you fucking jumped me, you crazy fuck!"

Crusader looked down at the vermin lying at his feet and took great care in forming each word of his reply. "No. I 'jumped' you because you were trying to destroy a part of that young woman. What you were going to do is something that I believe there may be a separate hell for. You were going to take from her something that should only ever be given. If I wasn't here making you pay for it, I don't think anyone else would be. That is why you're choking on your own putrid blood. The sad thing is that there are even worse things a person can do. The world would be greatly improved if raping a stranger was the worst thing a person could do." He spat with a look somewhere between a sneer and a rueful smile. "But it's not." He said simply, and it seemed as though the breath had left him all at once. "Let me tell you a story."

At this point, the man on the ground interrupted the Crusader. "Am I gonna die?" He moaned.

Crusader looked down at the writhing, abject figure whose blood was nearing the tip of his shining boot. He repositioned himself, avoiding the stain and the evidence. In a matter-of-fact tone, he replied in the affirmative. "At least if I get my way. I will not kill you myself. I feel that in this dark age, assistance is needed in the areas where evil is thickest, but I leave decisions of life and death to a higher power. However, I will feel absolutely no regret or remorse if I learn that you died in the hospital before you could be carted off to prison. Your wounds are significant. Many men in your position would probably welcome death. If you do end up surviving long enough to see prison, you would do well to remember that certain crimes are frowned upon by even the most hardened criminals. If they find out what you've done, they may not be as forgiving as I have been. In any case, I'm going to tell you a story."

Crusader adjusted his posture for a moment, then suddenly became frustrated and stood up. It was the kind of story that made one feel weak and unsure – best not to tell it sitting down. "The story was first told to me by its protagonist. She… came to me in search of a benevolent ear." At this, Crusader paused. He recalled the trembling voice of a young woman reverberating off the walls of a confessional.

"She told me how her father had sexually abused her and her older sister when they were young." His heart seemed suddenly as though it weren't pumping nearly enough blood, and he paused as he waited for it to catch up. "I'd like to repeat myself: Her father sexually abused her when she was young. I've told you that there are worse things in the world than what you tried to do; I have yet to encounter something worse than the idea of that girl's father. Her **father**. **Molested** her. When she was **young** and unable to defend herself. The man tasked with teaching her right and wrong and protecting her from evil violated her for _**years**_**.**" His voice had risen from a low, controlled simmer to a shout as the hate within him boiled over. He huffed out a few deep, foggy breaths, attempting to compose himself.

Having grown somewhat weary, the Crusader sat down again and gazed once more over his crippled prey. "You are scum, Dennis. But I don't think the average scum would do that. There is one part of her story that I found especially difficult to process. As we spoke of the horrific excuse for a childhood she endured, she mentioned lack of sleep. Do you know why? It wasn't because the demon kept them awake at all hours. No. Those little girls slept in **shifts.** Shifts! One was always on guard duty so that she could wake the other when the horror began. She would wake the other not for safety in numbers, but just so that the other would not wake to **that.** Just so she would have some amount of warning, even though there was nothing either of them could do to stop it."

"Picture that, Dennis." The Crusader whispered, the hate and anger leaving his voice, and suddenly he was imploring Dennis rather than giving an order. "A little girl curled up on her bed, weary-eyed and fatigued, waiting for her father to come in and defile her. Most veterans of **war** cannot describe a scene so terrible." He shook his head. The anger welled up once again.

"She has flashbacks. Debilitating flashbacks. The wrong smell or phrase can send her right back to the hell she experienced whenever that demonic man forced himself on her."

The Crusader stood, slowly raising himself to his full height. "All because of someone… like **you!**" With his last word, he pumped his sword into the air, bringing the hilt down with a sickening crunch on Dennis's spine, somewhere near his kidneys. Dennis tried to scream in agony but found his lungs empty. He couldn't feel his legs. After a moment of gasping for air, he passed out.

Crusader surveyed the broken body at his feet, sheathed his sword and began to drag his prey to the street. As he checked Dennis's pulse, the masked hero heard a car approach. Snapping his head up in the direction of the sound, he was relieved to find that it was only the car that had brought him there in the first place, piloted by his new friend.

A heavily-tinted window rolled down to reveal the face of Lateral G, mostly obscured by a hood, the bottom half covered entirely by a black molded ski mask. A tablet computer velcro'd to the dash bathed the interior in a dim orange glow. "He dead?" G asked, his voice annoyingly muffled by his bandana.

"Probably soon." Crusader replied. His tone implied a measure of regret. "I… went a little overboard." He rose to his feet and pulled the passenger door open. Rather than entering, he paused, glaring at the seat with deep contempt. This did not escape Lateral G's notice.

"Yeah, I know, I'll take the right bolster off the seat as soon as I can." He let out a frustrated sigh. They'd been over this before. "I know it's a bitch with all the armor." G said apologetically. "For now, just wedge your ass in here so we can move on."

With no small amount of effort, Crusader did as G had asked and crammed himself into the car. As soon as he closed the door, they began to move. "You _could_ just get a bigger car. Maybe one that could hold more than two crazy vigilantes and some electronics?" He suggested, letting his gleaming bronze-colored helm clink against the window. Headroom was also an issue.

"Bigger is slower." G waved his hand dismissively. "The Chariot's been good to me, and unless I wake up in a pile of Benjamins, it's all I've got."

They approached a red light and rolled to a stop, alone at the intersection. At length, the Crusader spoke. "We should call someone to pick him up."

"Yeah, probably." G agreed, though he did nothing.

Lateral G took off once the light changed.

The Crusader shook his head and took the cheap burner phone he'd purchased out of the cupholder. "I've really got to start having the victims do this part for me. Keep the police off our trail." He dialed 911. "There is a rapist lying in the gutter near-"

Tires squealed. The Crusader paused and stared through the windshield with Lateral G, who'd brought the car to a rather abrupt stop. There was someone in the road pointing a gun at them. A few seconds ticked by.

"Autocross brakes? Money well spent." Lateral G panted, clutching at his chest. The adrenaline of the sudden stop had caught up to him. The caped figure began walking toward the car, keeping the gun pointed at G's face.

As the small shape drew nearer, recognition dawned on the two shanghaied heroes. "Is that..?" Crusader began.

"Hit Girl? No fucking way!" G yelled with a sort of incredulous delight. He moved to roll down the window, but Hit Girl quickly gestured for him to freeze. He put his hands up in surrender, suddenly quite worried. Pretty much the only thing the world knew for sure about Hit Girl was that she was incredibly dangerous, and right now she appeared to be very much on edge. She came around to the driver's side and opened the door, keeping her gun trained on G the whole time. The open door activated the overhead light, revealing the two oddly-dressed men and putting Hit Girl at ease, though it was a puzzled and surprised ease, and she didn't lower the gun.

Finally, after looking them over for a second or two, mostly focusing on the Crusader's elaborate armor, she spoke. "More heroes?" She choked out in happy disbelief.

"Yes, ma'am." Lateral G nodded, hands still in the air. "Fighting the good fight and all that. Could you maybe point the gun somewhere else?"

The small girl holstered the gun and pointed at the Crusader. "You, big guy, I need your help. Come around the corner with me. I can't lift him alone." The Crusader got out of the car and jogged after Hit Girl, who had run into a nearby building. His armor squeaked and clinked noisily the whole way.

"Him?" G wondered aloud, almost not daring to believe it. But they were usually seen together, weren't they? "Kick-Ass?" He got out of the car and was about to follow them when it suddenly occurred to him that the back seat was full of crap. He turned swiftly, stopping to pop the trunk before opening the back door and grabbing an armload of junk. After a few trips, the back seat was clean. It was just as well, since he turned from his final inspection to find that the rest of the group was upon him.

The Crusader was carrying Kick-Ass bridal style, and before G ducked out of the way so that he could be loaded into the back seat, he noticed with a wave of nausea that at least a third of Kick-Ass's iconic green suit was stained dark red.

After their cargo was in, the Crusader returned to the passenger seat.

Suddenly G found himself staring over the roof of the car at Hit Girl, who was saying something. "You're taking us to the hospital. He's losing blood." G nodded mutely, his eyes unfocused. He got into the driver's seat and buckled in. Hearing a door gently click shut he cast a single glance over his shoulder at Hit Girl, who was stuffed up against her door, cradling her partner's head in her lap.

"Drive like you mean it. Your life's at stake." She said without looking up from Kick-Ass.

"Don't you mean **his** life's at stake?" G asked without thinking, gunning the engine and taking off at full tilt.

"No." Hit Girl closed her eyes and clenched her jaw, then looked at him in the rear-view mirror with an intensity he would never forget. "If he doesn't make it to the hospital I'll **kill****you****both**!"

"Right." G agreed, head on a swivel as he ran one red light after another. After seeing the look in her eyes, he believed her.

Hit Girl was silently grateful that fate had provided them swift and trustworthy transport. She was almost equally grateful that the black of her mask and the grit in her voice hid the fact that she'd been crying.

**Review! The ferocity of Hit Girl's gaze compels you. And for those of you who are wondering, "The Chariot" is a 2nd-gen STI with racing seats.**


	2. Chapter 2

**I forgot to mention that the story that Crusader told Dennis last chapter was, sadly, 100% true. I heard it from its protagonist as well, and I suppose that's why I could make Crusader retell it with such feeling. It really did make me feel weak. I actually expected more hits on this story, but it looks like the fans I've picked up with my HP stories aren't biting. Please review if you're enjoying the story.**

**Kick-Ass is My Religion**

Mindy had never seen anything quite so tragically beautiful as Dave's head in her lap. It was all incredibly wrong. He wasn't looking up at her, he wasn't smiling, he wasn't doing much of anything except – yes, still breathing. It suddenly seemed as though this – his head in her lap – could be perfectly acceptable – maybe the greatest thing in the world – if only the details were different. Mask removed – or left on, who was she kidding? – eyes open and laughing, lips curled up in joy, face unmarred by the blood that crept up his mask from the awful mess that was his shoulder. She wished with all her might that she could just change it, but she couldn't. For that, they'd need a doctor.

Lateral G had time for only two thoughts as he tore a frantic path to the hospital. He alternated between "awesome" and "fuck."

The Crusader, meanwhile, was wondering about the specifics of the "doctor" situation. Hit Girl wasn't saying anything about the plan beyond the emergency room doors. Did she have one? She hadn't addressed anyone but Kick-Ass since she'd issued the death threat. And the words she spoke to Kick-Ass were so soft that they were inaudible from where he sat. He got the impression that the words were _to_ Kick-Ass, but not _for_ him. More of a breath than a whisper, the words Hit Girl spoke seemed designed to reassure herself, not the boy in her lap. That was what the Crusader suspected. As was often the case, he was right.

Mindy had reaffirmed her conclusion that life was unfair. Here was another man she loved, grievously injured in the process of doing the right thing, and trying to please her to boot. She was beginning to see an awful pattern.

But Dave was strong. Of course, she thought to herself, Big Daddy had been strong, too. Stronger, objectively, in almost every way. But this time she wouldn't lose him. This time, the injury was well-defined and limited – a simple gunshot to the shoulder. Hardly severe. People came back from that all the time. Still, Dave's eyes remained closed.

It just _had_ to be one of the areas not covered by his vest.

"Hit Girl," the Crusader began, "How do you intend to get Kick-Ass admitted to the hospital?"

She started to growl out a reply, but realized she didn't know the answer, and hadn't really considered it at all. The cultivated bluster and fury in her chest deflated. "I don't know." She admitted. "We can't let them unmask him." She stroked the mask in question, tenderly, and with more than a hint of possession.

"That might be a challenge." Crusader intoned regretfully. "They certainly won't like it. They'll need to work around it."

Mindy unsheathed one of her knives and began the delicate task of cutting Dave's mask away from his neck. She removed as much as possible without revealing his face. "There." Now they would have access to everything up to his jawline.

"Is there any way you can redress him? Render him unrecognizable as Kick-Ass, rather than force them to work around a secret identity?" The Crusader suggested.

Mindy thought about that. "No. I can't risk hurting him more. He'll have to go in as Kick-Ass. And I'll have to go in as Hit Girl."

* * *

><p>Dave was sitting on the most comfortable park bench he'd ever felt. He took inventory of his surroundings and found that the list was pretty short. There was the bench, a sidewalk, and grass. That was all. There wasn't even a sky; in its place was a white void, met at the horizon by the presumably endless green grass. That seemed weird. As there was nothing he could immediately do about it, and as he felt quite tired, he laid back on the bench to think.<p>

Instead of falling all the way to the bench, his head's travel was interrupted by a curved surface that was hard, but polished and smooth. He looked up into the face of Mindy Macready. Rather, a marble statue of Mindy Macready. From his position, he concluded that he must be in her lap. Further study of her face revealed it to be contorted in grief. There was even a tear worked into the milky white surface of her cheek.

Dave heard someone approaching and sat up to see who it was. "What the hell?" He muttered.

"Don't get up on my account. She's there for a reason, Dave." It was Jesus. Or it sure looked like him. White people Jesus, not the historically accurate one – if there was one. It was a guy with a beard and red hair. He wore a long, flowing white robe. Oddly, he didn't carry himself the way you might expect from all those paintings you see in churches. He walked gingerly and without pretense, giving a somber little wave as he approached the bench. Take away the robe, and he looked more like a community college professor than a deity.

Dave looked uncertainly at Jesus, who smiled sadly and gestured once again for him to make himself comfortable. He lay back into statue-Mindy's lap, finding that there was actually a head-shaped bowl cut into it so that he rested comfortably in her cupped hands. She supported him perfectly, and was suspiciously cushy for a statue. Unable to look into Mindy's tortured face, he instead looked at the white not-sky, allowing the outline of her ivory visage to slide out of focus.

Dave heard Jesus begin to pace around the bench. "Am I dead?" He asked wearily.

"Nope." Jesus replied with a little chuckle. "I guess that's a big load off, huh?"

"Well, yeah." Dave rolled his eyes. "Am I not allowed to worry a bit when I wake up in a white void with _Jesus_?"

"I get you, I get you." Dave imagined that the laid-back apparition had his hands up in surrender. "But I thought you didn't even _believe_ in me. Why be worried about somebody who's not real?"

"Pff. The last thing I remember is getting shot, and Mindy… crying over me." He trailed off. "Then I was here. Excuse me if I start to question my beliefs when I go from getting shot to meeting Jesus."

"I never said I was real." The white-robed man pointed accusingly in Dave's direction. "You're kind of tripping balls right now. I mean, you're losing blood, for one thing. That's bound to give you some crazy visions. If you're at the hospital, they might be pumping you up with morphine. I don't know." He shrugged apologetically. "I'm just some dude in your head."

"It's just kind of weird that my subconscious takes the form of Jesus and not… I don't know, Katie, or Big Daddy or something." Dave muttered.

"Yeah." Jesus said evenly. "I notice your girlfriend's not here _at all_." His tone was pointed. "Mindy's here though, worrying about you."

"Yeah, she's gonna kick my ass for getting shot. Hope she'll wait til I'm healed." Dave smiled. "She puts up with a lot from me."

"Why do you think that is, Dave?" Jesus probed. The question hung heavily in the air, seeming to press in from all sides.

Dave thought for a while.

At first he looked up into Mindy's face, studying the contrast of the mask and the wig against the stark white of the marble. At length, he heard Jesus pad away, the sound of his sandals crunching on the grass growing more distant until it was gone altogether. He closed his eyes. Before he'd reached any conclusions, he blacked out again.

* * *

><p>As it turned out, rather than being admitted as Kick-Ass, Dave went in as John Doe.<p>

Mindy was running alongside several EMTs and nurses. "What happened and how old is he? How long has he been unconscious?" An EMT demanded sharply.

"Gunshot to the shoulder. He's 18. He's been out for 15 minutes." Mindy answered. She was shivering, but she wasn't sure when she'd gotten cold. She grabbed at the EMT's sleeve. "If you treat him, you **can****'****t** remove his mask." She made sure the demand was as forceful as she could make it. "It's against our religion."

Seeing that his colleagues had their new patient well in hand, the man who'd been talking to Mindy stopped and faced the costumed girl. "What religion is that?" He asked in disbelief.

"Being a hero." Mindy answered, holding her chin high with unrestrained pride.

"We can probably accommodate that." The man smirked. He turned to his comrades who were in the process of cutting away Dave's wetsuit. "Leave the mask, guys. Religious conflict. Make sure the O.R. hears about it." He called out. Returning his attention to Mindy, he directed her through the public entrance to the emergency room, assuring her that her partner would be taken straight to an operating room, and that trying to follow him inside would do more harm than good.

As Mindy retreated to the ambulance entrance, she was met by the Crusader, who offered her a slip of paper. "That's our number. We only use it for hero business. Is there anything else G and I can do for you two tonight?" The plate-clad man asked. His low voice and doleful, but stoic eyes evinced an understanding she hadn't expected. She knew they'd seen the exposed parts of her youthful face up close. She'd expected them to treat her... differently – like Kick-Ass's lost and forlorn squire, stripped of all purpose and direction with the "bigger" hero out of commission. But the Crusader's tone told her that he knew he was looking at half a partnership, not just a little girl.

"How much do you think it will cost to make him better?" She asked with resolve.

"If you intend to keep him here without revealing his identity, it will cost quite a bit. Maybe tens of thousands." He sighed regretfully.

"Do hospitals accept cash?" Mindy asked, planning her next move.

The Crusader was momentarily speechless as he considered the question. "I think they... have to?" He replied, brow nit in confusion. "I mean, 'all debts, public and private-'"

"Then I could use a ride to pick some up." Mindy bit her lip and looked over her shoulder into the fluorescent-lit ER waiting room. It, and the tiniest possibility of seeing Dave, beckoned her. "...but I don't want to leave." She shook her head.

"Now would be the absolute best time for you to do it." Crusader held up a finger, hoping she'd consider his argument. "He's in good hands, and they won't be finished with him for some time. You won't miss seeing him if we go now and come back quickly."

Mindy reluctantly agreed.

* * *

><p>Mindy was back in the Chariot – having taken advantage of Crusader's offer so that she could quickly pick up a bag full of cash and a change of clothes from the safehouse – when she felt Dave's cell phone vibrating from its pouch on her utility belt. It was a text from Katie.<p>

_Answer me! WTF is going on? _Apparently there were several unread texts from Katie, this being the latest.

Mindy tapped out a reply. _This is Mindy. Dave is in the hospital. Checked in under fake name. I promise I'm taking care of him._

Seconds later, she received a reply. _Which hospital? What happened to him?_

Mindy hesitated. Katie would endanger herself and everyone around them if she came to visit and tied Dave Lizewski's girlfriend to Kick-Ass. It wouldn't take a genius to figure out Kick-Ass's identity if that happened. She couldn't allow Katie to visit. _He got shot. He's in surgery now._

_Which hospital?_ Came the angry reply.

_It would be dangerous to both of you if you came. I'll tell him to call when he wakes up. Sorry._ She put the phone away and did her best to ignore the buzzes that came thick and fast in response.

Having noticed the glow of the phone, followed by Hit Girl pointedly ignoring whoever was contacting her, the Crusader asked if there was a problem.

"Just the ball and chain. Nothing new." Mindy answered with a sigh. She knew the Katie situation wasn't over. "Thanks again for the religious objection idea. I really don't know how else I could've kept his mask on without making threats."

"You're very welcome." The Crusader nodded, and fell silent. After a few moments, he let out a little snort of mirth. "It's a shame it's not a Catholic hospital." He chuckled. "If it was, you could get hold of a nun's habit and wear that as a disguise."

Mindy actually giggled at the image of her as a nun. She'd already done "Catholic schoolgirl" for the assault on the D'Amico building, why not check off "nun" as well? She hadn't giggled in a couple of hours, and even though that didn't sound like much, it felt like a lifetime. She should still be out with Dave, shaking down drug dealers and beating up thieves – that had always made her laugh. She was glad to find that, in spite of the gut-wrenching circumstances, she could still smile.

"Is there anything else you need to pick up while we're out?" Lateral G inquired, voice muffled as always by his half-mask.

"No. There's something I need, but I'll get it from the hospital." The Crusader's notion of a nun disguise had given her an idea.

* * *

><p>"I can't believe people say New York is too crowded. Would I be able to do cool shit like this if it wasn't crowded? Noooo." Mindy concluded with great satisfaction as she put scrubs on over her costume in a bathroom stall. She'd obtained them by slinking into the first laundry room she could find and offering an overworked-looking man a twenty for a clean set in her size. He had gladly obliged.<p>

The Crusader and Lateral G had theorized that Kick-Ass would be sent to a surgical ICU, and suggested she look through those units for a John Doe. After a quick consultation with Google (on what she playfully referred to as her Batphone), she had a list of floors with SICUs. She grabbed the backpack that contained her skirt, top, and utility belt and set off for the 7th floor.

She found Dave on the 9th floor. The previous two floors had allowed her to hone her routine, and she wearily asked the nurse at the desk in SICU 9 if she had a young John Doe with a gunshot wound to the shoulder. "Hmph. I don't know about a John Doe, but we got a Kick-Ass. Came up here with the mask still on. We got orders to leave it." The nurse shook her head at the ludicrousness of it all. "Shoot. If that boy's for real, I'm gonna have to get an autograph for my grandson."

At that moment, Mindy very was glad she'd swiped a surgical mask. Otherwise she wouldn't have been able to conceal her face-splitting smile.

The nurse informed her that Kick-Ass had been given 2 units of blood and had the bullet removed, but that he had a broken collar bone. She also said he should be waking up soon if she wanted to get some more information from him (which was the excuse Mindy had given to maintain her cover).

The disguised girl voiced her surprise and doubt when she learned that the John Doe in their care was believed to be Kick-Ass, and acted as though she found the whole thing rather funny too, resolving to stick around and see if Mr. Kick-Ass answered to the name she'd been given to look for. She feigned fatigue and lamented the "loss" of her badge when it was pointed out that it was missing - _"If it's not one thing, it's another, I swear."_ - then she hovered over Dave, waiting for him to stir.

Twenty-seven minutes later, Dave opened his eyes.

"Dave?" Mindy whispered, voice shaking with apprehension. She lowered her mask and carefully put his glasses on so that he could see her.

Dave looked around, found Mindy, smiled, and closed his eyes. He then let out a little moan. "We need to rethink the armor situation."

Mindy threw herself over him, avoiding the bandaged shoulder. His good arm came up to wrap around her, and she cried into his neck out of sheer joy.

**Did you guys see Makokam updated 4 stories on Christmas Day? He's some kind of machine. A late Merry Christmas to all, and I promise I haven't forgotten Year of the Dog.**


	3. Chapter 3

**I don't care if naming the hospital creates a plot hole. Never been to New York General. The chapter title was just too good to pass up. **

**Escape From New York General Hospital**

"It's good to see you again, Fuckface." Mindy gave a watery laugh when she'd calmed down somewhat.

"Already with the pet names? I thought you'd be mad at me for getting shot." Dave smiled fondly.

"Oh, I am, but I'm still glad you're alive." Mindy wiped eyes with her sleeve. "Plus, right now we've got other shit to deal with." She pulled her surgical mask back into place and began rooting through the bag she'd brought along.

"Do we need to get out of here?" Dave asked, sitting up. The pain wasn't too bad, but he felt that if it wasn't for his damaged nerves, he'd be much worse off. He looked down to see his left arm in a sling.

"Yeah, the police are notified about all gunshot victims. They could show up any time, and they're not gonna go for the excuse I gave to keep your mask on." Dave felt at his face, astonished that she'd managed to keep his identity hidden. "Are you strong enough to walk on your own?" Mindy had extracted a set of street clothes from the bag and was laying them out on a chair.

"Let's find out." Dave muttered. He kicked the covers off, revealing the handiwork of the EMTs. He was wearing nothing but his mask and boxer briefs. He supposed it could have been worse - they could have taken the underwear too.

"Wow, I just had an awesome idea." Mindy stifled a laugh. "_Sexy Kick-Ass Calendar!_ We could make millions, if only we had a way to accept the money." She lamented.

"Ha ha." Dave replied sarcastically. He attempted to scoot to the edge of the bed and found his progress impeded by a rail, which Mindy had to figure out how to lower. After the obstacle was removed, he dangled his legs over the side of the bed and steeled himself for touchdown. He didn't get far, though. As soon as his feet touched the floor and he tried to put weight on them, he was overcome with light-headedness and a strong suspicion that his legs were not up to the task of supporting him. He shook his head. "Nope. That's a definite 'no.'"

"Well, I recently found out I can't carry you, so I guess you'll be riding out." Mindy sighed. She then began looking for a wheelchair. She surreptitiously poked her head out of the room, looked around, then walked briskly away. She returned a moment later with a wheelchair and tried to hold it still while helping Dave off the bed.

"I know we've got to go, but is that gonna screw me up somehow?" Dave wondered aloud, easing himself into the chair. He began tracing the line from the IV in his arm and found that it led to a suspended bag of blood. "I mean, do we need to bring that with us or anything?" He mumbled, pointing weakly at the blood. "Seems like I'm probably supposed to get the whole bag."

"Yeah..." Mindy trailed off. "We should probably take it with us. You're not hooked to anything else, are you?" Dave looked himself over and shook his head. Mindy picked up the chart from the foot of his bed and began reading. "New blood... shit I can't pronounce, more shit I can't pronounce... antibiotics... Oh, you've got some new hardware. They put a rod in your shoulder to set the broken collarbone." She threw the chart in the bag.

"Hooray." Dave twirled a finger in the air dispassionately.

"Oh, man the fuck up. You're one step closer to having a totally metal skeleton, and you're complaining?" She scoffed, helping him into the pair of jeans she'd brought him.

"I guess when you put it that way, it's been a productive evening." He flashed Mindy a wry smile before she dragged a hoodie over his head, temporarily plunging him into darkness.

"Yeah, you actually missed the most productive part." She paused to concentrate on the delicate act of stuffing the bag of blood into Dave's sleeve. She didn't want to thread the line under any clothing. "We might have some allies. Two other heroes helped me get you here. I have their number if we want to see them again." The scrub-clad girl carefully hung the bag of blood on the wheelchair. She was extremely glad this particular chair had the proper attachment for hanging fluids; if it hadn't, she'd probably be taping the blood to Dave's forehead to keep it flowing.

"They just... _happened by_ and took me to the hospital?" Dave's tone was a little skeptical.

"Not quite." Mindy hemmed, depositing the bag in Dave's lap. "I held the first car that passed at gunpoint and it happened to belong to a couple of heroes on patrol. Pretty lucky they were going by. I didn't have to do much persuading - just told them if you didn't make it to the hospital I'd kill them both." She smirked and took her place behind the wheelchair.

Dave tilted his head back and looked up into Mindy's eyes, the only uncovered part of her face. "Seriously?"

"I didn't have time to be nice." She shrugged unapolagetically. "Ready to go?"

"Yeah, if you're sure we aren't forgetting anything." He nodded.

"I think we're good." All the same, Mindy leaned over the chair and rooted through the bag, seeing if there was anything missing. Eventually, her fingers touched a bundle of bills. "Oh, right." She took about ten thousand dollars and placed it on the pillow.

"You're just leaving a wad of cash?" Dave shook his head in amused wonder.

"What do you suggest we do? Write them a check? Submit it to your health insurance?" Mindy pulled Dave's hood over his head and began wheeling him out.

"Well, no, but... I guess that's the best we can do." He admitted as they passed out of his room and into the SICU at large.

"I'm sure they'll be thrilled they got paid at all." Mindy whispered, leaning in close and patting his good shoulder reassuringly.

As they came upon the desk, the nurse manning it noticed them and cocked an eyebrow. "Where you goin'?" She asked.

Mindy rolled her eyes and sighed. "Mr. Doe here wants to be discharged."

"And you just in the mood to grant wishes, hmm?" The nurse asked. Her gaze was both piercing and distrustful. There was a beat of silence. Mindy's fingers flexed on the chair. She didn't know what to say.

"The police are on they way up, Miss Hit Girl." Dave's head snapped up and Mindy's eyes narrowed. "So you best be on _your_ way. Make sure he gets the whole bag, and when it's done, pull the needle out slow, parallel to the arm, like this." She demonstrated on her own arm with an imaginary IV line. "Change the bandage on the shoulder and get him into physical therapy. Don't let him strain it." She finished sternly.

Mindy nodded rapidly and took off, smacking the door button with the back of her hand and pushing Dave briskly out of the SICU. "Thanks." She hissed over her shoulder.

Just as they rounded a corner, they were met by a police officer coming in the opposite direction. He tipped his hat to Mindy, who nodded in response. Dave had kept his head down, letting his hood obscure his mask. As soon as the officer passed, both Dave and Mindy's eyes bugged out and stayed that way, both of them keeping their ears open for a change in the officer's footsteps. Mindy quietly put on a burst of speed that lasted until they reached the elevator. Moments later, the elevator doors closed, and they were alone.

In the moment of relative calm, Mindy heard the bag vibrate. "Oh, yeah..." She closed her eyes and grimaced in the manner of one battling a headache. "Katie's been trying to get a hold of you." She said darkly. The elevator let out a little beep as they passed the eighth floor.

Dave winced and sucked in a breath through his teeth. He knew this wouldn't go well. "How pissed is she?" Seventh floor.

"At this point she's probably more pissed at me for refusing to tell her which hospital you were in." Mindy admitted. Dave dug out the phone, both of them dreading what he would find. Sixth floor.

"I can see why you did that. I would _hope_ she'd understand, but... Yeah, she's not too happy with you." He scrolled through the missed texts, his grimace growing, growing, and suddenly his eyebrows shot up so high, they disappeared under his mask. "Well, that was uncalled for. Didn't expect name-calling. '_I don't care how much of a little ninja bitch you are, when I figure out where Dave is I'm going to-_' Well, that's not even physically possible." He scoffed. Second floor.

Mindy would have been nervous if Dave's tone hadn't been so bland. He seemed relatively unperturbed by Katie's anger.

"And it's not like she'd be able to land a hit on you anyway, let alone do _that_." Dave chuckled. As he put the phone back in the bag, the doors opened to the lobby.

Mindy's face flushed with embarrassment and pride. Dave was defending _her_ versus Katie. She hadn't expected that. She'd expected some bullshit excuse about how Katie was just "worrying like a good girlfriend" or something. She'd expected him to be more worried at the idea of losing Katie, but it hardly seemed to concern him.

"Oh shit." Mindy whispered. She did her best not to react. There were two policemen standing guard over the front door, listening intently to their radios. They had a full view of the elevator bank, and were watching it closely. They'd been seen. The question was whether they'd been identified. Mindy made a right turn and wheeled Dave into the cafeteria. Dave sensed that something was wrong from the sudden change in the floor from marble to tile, and the smell of food.

"What are we doing?" Dave asked, keeping his head down.

Mindy leaned down next to his bowed head. "Finding an exit that isn't crawling with cops." She whispered.

"Gotcha." He replied nervously. "Carry on, then."

To buy herself time, she pretended to be looking for someone. Then she spied the bathrooms. Mindy wheeled Dave into the ladies' room and began surreptitiously checking under stall doors. They were alone. "Perfect." She sighed in relief. Dave looked up, stretching his neck and trying to work out the pain caused by letting his head hang for so long. Mindy reached into the bag and retrieved her Batphone, which she used to look up and dial the hospital's front desk. "Hey, do you still have the two cops watching your door? We need them both in the E.R., NOW. Some guy's waving a knife around and threatening patients. Thanks."

"You're a genius." Dave smiled and shook his head in disbelief.

"I won't argue that." Mindy closed her eyes innocently and shrugged as if to say "_what can I do_?" Modesty was not her strong suit. "Now let's just hope they took the bait." She wheeled him around and exited the restroom.

The aforementioned immodest genius made one trial pass by the entrance of the cafeteria and confirmed with a quick glance that the cops were gone. She quickly swung Dave's chair around and made what she hoped was an unsuspicious beeline for the front doors. A few seconds later, they were free. Without slowing down, Mindy instructed Dave to pull off his mask and hand her the hoodie she'd brought along for herself. She then gave Dave her surgical mask and donned her hoodie while Dave removed his Kick-Ass mask for the first time in hours. He immediately brought his hood back up, keeping his face shrouded in darkness. When they reached the line of waiting taxis, Mindy carefully removed the blood from the hook on the chair, and handed it to Dave, who did his best to keep the blood and IV out of sight. She then helped him into the back of the car. She was about to get in herself, abandoning the chair for someone from the hospital to pick up, when something occurred to her. She removed her skirt from the bag and used it to wipe down the frame, arm rests, and handles of the chair. No fingerprints for you, NYPD.

Soon, the driver was dropping them off in front of Dave's place. Happily, the blood Dave received seemed to have done the job, and he walked into his home with relatively little assistance.

They retired to Dave's room so that he could call Katie. After a single ring, she picked up. "Hey, I just wanted to let you know I'm OK. They patched me up and we're back home." Dave paused as Katie spoke. "I know she did. I know you're mad at her, but you get why she couldn't tell you, right?" His look of mild irritation turned into one of disbelief.

"She was doing us both a favor! Do you know what would happen if real names got attached to that outfit? We'd be dead. She was doing the right thing." Katie interrupted him.

"She's not crazy, and it wasn't her fault I got shot. I screwed up, and I know how to fix it so it doesn't happen again. I'm designing better-" Katie interrupted again.

"You're not listening! I'm not going to put myself in that kind of danger again, I'll have better armor next time!" He paused. "Well yeah, that's less dangerous. That's the point of armor. No, I won't stop looking for a fight." Pause. "Why? It's who I am, and it's who she is, and nobody should have to do it alone, _that's fucking why_." He said with conviction. Wasn't it obvious?

"She's my _friend_. No, it's not because I owe anybody anything. We get each other. That's kind of what a friendship is." Mindy's face grew hot. "What the fuck? No, that's bullshit. You really think you're going to make me choose?" Mindy's whole body tensed, and she gripped the edge of Dave's bed until her knuckles turned white. "Are you _that_ sure you're gonna like the answer? Yeah, _that's what I'm saying_. Sorry to disappoint you. Bye." He rolled his eyes as he ended the call.

Dave put the phone back in his pocket and blew a raspberry. "Well that was fuckin' stupid." He shook his head incredulously. "She broke up with me."

"Lame." Mindy said weakly.

"Yeah, but I guess it's not a huge loss. She was obviously crazy. You're more fun to hang out with anyway." He shrugged.

"Really?" Mindy asked doubtfully, looking Dave in the face so that he could see the mirth in her eyes. She was recalling the times she'd stood on his back while he did push-ups, asking him if he wanted to be a hero or remain a delicate little flower.

"Yeah. Bros before hoes, right?" Dave chuckled. "Imagine what we'll get done without her taking up my time."

"Wow. I'm honored that you chose our little hobby over a steady girlfriend. And don't call me a bro." Mindy said with a wry smile, walking up to him and ruffling his hair.

She was silent for a while, during which time the little smile grew warmer. "Thanks for thinking with the smarter head." She punctuated her statement by prodding his forehead.

"Any time." Dave said with a magnanimous sweep of his good arm.

Mindy had been terrified that he would hang up the costume immediately after waking up, having cheated death yet again. Instead, he woke with a vow to improve their M.O. on his lips. Though she hid it, she was positively giddy to know that she still had both a friend and a partner. Not only that -Dave had been forced to choose, and he'd chosen her. Mindy's night was looking up.

**I think it's plausible for Dave to escape the hospital before the police arrive to question him. The surgery could take less than an hour, and the police could take as long as a couple of hours to get around to him. There are no accidents in Desk Nurse's dialogue. Her grammar mistakes are intentional. **


	4. Chapter 4

**This chapter took longer than I wanted it to. It's been pretty hard to write love lately. Finally, conditions are right again. Let the banter commence. As always, I love reading new reviews.**

**Doctor Pants**

"Do you remember being in my lap on the way to the hospital?" Mindy murmured, stroking Dave's hair. His head was in her lap again, but this time he wore a peaceful smile – and just as she imagined, it was kind of the greatest thing in the world.

It had been about an hour since they'd arrived at Dave's house. They had rapidly grown drowsy, and both ultimately migrated to the bed. Mindy had texted Marcus, letting him know that she would be sleeping at Dave's house. Thankfully, they were in the early hours of a Saturday, so there was nothing holding them back from sleeping as long as they needed.

Mindy was a little surprised when Dave had, of his own accord, rested his head in her lap. She wondered if he sought it out because he remembered the ride.

"Nope." Dave exhaled. "Don't remember anything until I woke up after surgery." He mumbled.

Mindy continued to run her fingers through his hair, lightly scratching his scalp. This was the best sort of therapy she could hope for. Every moment he laid there, healthy and safe, erased one of the awful moments he'd spent bleeding in the back of G's car. Another few minutes and the ride - along with all the fear and doubt she'd experienced along the way - would be wiped out altogether.

The exhausted girl eventually closed her eyes and began to sing, quietly trilling out the words when she knew them, and humming when she didn't.

"_We are the Cartoon Heroes  
>We are the ones who're gonna last forever<br>We came out of a crazy mind  
>And walked out on a piece of paper<em>

_We learned to run at speed of light  
>And to fall down from any height<br>It's true, but just remember that  
>What we do is what you just can't do"<em>

Just as she felt herself wobble on the edge of sleep, she realized that Dave hadn't spoken or moved in some time. She opened her eyes just far enough to see that he had fallen asleep. She smiled and let her eyelids droop shut. Sleep claimed her almost immediately.

* * *

><p>"Jesus Balls I am starving." Dave had been awakened by the ferocious rumbling of his own stomach. He looked at his alarm clock. It was 2 in the afternoon. "Could you bring me... some cow?"<p>

"You want a burger?" Mindy asked. She had been awake for a little while and was lying on her stomach, toying with her phone as it charged.

"Please. I'd like a very large piece of cow, and it must be pink in the middle. Kick-Ass needs more blood." Dave wrung his hands in a sinister fashion.

"I'm pretty sure that's not how it works." Mindy laughed.

"Are you a doctor?" Dave asked flippantly.

"I _have _been known to dress like one." She pointed right back as if catching him in a fallacy.

"Doesn't count." Dave declared.

"Fine, 500 cc's of cheeseburger, stat." Mindy giggled and shook her head as she put on a jacket. "Anything else?"

Dave stroked his chin, twirling an invisible beard. "The severed head of the punk who shot me. On a stick."

"'Fraid I can't do that. His head is no longer whole. I made sure of that." She smiled, or bared her teeth. It may have been a little of both.

"Best partner ever." Dave heralded warmly.

"Yeah, I _am_." Mindy agreed as if it was a revelation. "Be back soon. Call me if you want something else."

Twenty minutes later, Mindy returned with a sack, which she gently lobbed onto Dave's bed. "There. Double cheeseburger, prescription strength."

"Oh, cheeseburger." Dave picked up the bag and nuzzled it against his cheek. "I need you." He whispered huskily. He tore the bag away, making up for his gimped arm by substituting his teeth. He then unwrapped the burger and assaulted it with gusto.

Mindy just smiled and shook her head. It appeared Dave either hadn't noticed or didn't care that his double cheeseburger wasn't the least bit pink. "There's apple juice in there, too. You should drink it."

"Apple juice is for hippies." Dave said petulantly. He had no problem with apple juice – he just enjoyed being difficult.

"Juice is for people who _give blood_. You lost a bunch." Mindy stared him down cynically and pointed to the shredded bag.

"Don't they give _orange_ juice at blood drives?" Dave inquired skeptically.

"I know you don't like orange." She shrugged. "Drink up."

"If you insist." Dave picked up the juice and tried to open it with his teeth.

Mindy rolled her eyes and snatched the bottle from him, unscrewing it and handing it back with a smile. "So, what's this about new armor?" She asked, recalling Dave's resolution.

"Well, we need something better than just chest coverage." He chugged half the juice and stopped to catch his breath. Apparently he'd been thirsty. "It didn't do shit to help me."

"That's not entirely true." Mindy protested. "The strap slowed the bullet down a little."

"Whee." Dave deadpanned, waving his burger sarcastically.

"Yeah, I get it. It's not enough." She admitted.

"I, for one, need an entire new outfit. And I want the new one to be something more than a wetsuit. What if I'd gotten shot in the leg? I could've bled out." Dave's tone was serious. Mindy didn't like the image he'd put in her head. "Plus, imagine being bulletproof!" He exclaimed with a wild grin. "Imagine how much it would fuck with their heads if they thought we were invincible."

Mindy imagined it. It _did _sound appealing, but she knew it wasn't that simple. "Good armor is way too heavy, though. It would slow me down, and that would be more dangerous than fighting with no armor at all."

"The stuff the military uses is crap." He waved his cheeseburger stub dismissively. "You're thinking of the big, heavy plates they're wearing in Iraq. I know there's lighter stuff out there that's just as effective. I just have to do the research and find it. You can help if you want." He offered.

Mindy was intrigued by the possibility of new armor. There were probably areas she could cover without sacrificing a lot of mobility. It was at least worth looking into. But she had other priorities. Before they figured out how to protect their bodies, they'd have to finish repairing Dave's.

Mindy crossed her arms over her chest, preparing herself for Dave's protests. "We have to change the bandage on your shoulder."

Dave gave a hugely exaggerated pout which was slightly warped by the act of chewing the last bit of his cheeseburger. He knew he couldn't really protest, though, so instead he just moaned. "Fiiiiine."

"Go take a shower." She pointed to the bathroom. "Take the bandage off and clean around the wound gently, but don't mess with it. I'll put a new bandage on when you get out."

Dave began to shuffle toward the bathroom, biting and yanking the right sleeve of his hoodie. "Wait. Come here." Mindy shook her head at Dave's antics, though they still made her smile. She lifted the hoodie over his head and took it, shooing him into the shower and closing the door.

"I'll be out here if you need me." She called into the closed door.

"'Kay." Came Dave's muffled reply. Mindy heard the shower turn on. She let out a little sigh and crossed to Dave's computer. She needed to find out how to redress the wound.

Half an hour later, Dave poked his head out of the bathroom. "Can you hand me some clothes?"

Mindy got up and made her way to the dresser, picking out clean underwear and jeans. She handed the bundle to Dave through the crack in the door, and he disappeared, reappearing a few minutes later, almost properly half-clothed. Almost – his pants were a bit crooked. "Wow. Underwear is a real bitch to do one-handed. Can't use my teeth down there…"

"Oh, to be that flexible." Mindy mused as she yanked his pants into proper alignment. She turned her gaze to Dave's shoulder, which was above her eye level. "How does it feel today?" She gently touched the area around the wound.

"It hurts if you poke it." Dave reported.

"Well, let's not poke it then." She suggested. Dave nodded sagely in response. "OK, new dressing." She went into the bathroom to fetch the gauze and medical tape.

"Are you sure you know what to do?" Dave asked. He was more curious than apprehensive.

"Hell yeah." Mindy replied as she emerged with her prizes. "Who's wearing the doctor pants here?" She gestured smugly to her ill-gotten scrub bottoms, which she still hadn't had a chance to change out of. They were damn comfy anyway. "Sit on the bed. I can't work on you way up there."

Dave always seemed to tower over Mindy, and it wasn't merely because he was substantially taller. It was just the way she saw him, even at a distance. It was how he carried himself – like he wasn't carrying anything at all. He stood tall, prepared for whatever he might encounter, but not necessarily eager to face it. He was just ready. Immovable, in a way.

Dave smirked in response to her jab about his height and tried to remain still while she worked on him. "How long do I need a bandage?" Mindy could feel his voice vibrate in his chest through her fingertips.

"If this one comes off pretty clean, I'd say you don't need any more after today." She replied, smoothing the edges of the tape.

"What about the sling? How long do I keep that?" The sling was what really bothered him. He hadn't tried to use that arm, but he wondered how quickly it would atrophy.

"I'm still trying to find the answer to that one." Mindy sighed.

"You don't know?" Dave asked playfully. "What about your doctor pants?"

"I can only do so much with the pants. Maybe if you found me a stethoscope and a BMW…" She shrugged suggestively.

"Big investments. Maybe we can try tongue depressors before we start dropping that kind of cash on your new side job." Dave chuckled.

"If you don't care about my future in medicine, just say so." Mindy sniffed with false indignation.

"I think you're much better off causing bodily injury as opposed to healing it. It wouldn't be fair for you to have your violent cake and eat it, too." Dave reasoned.

"I could go for cake." Mindy drummed her fingers on her stomach. "But not for lunch. I'm gonna take a shower, and then we should go out. I still haven't eaten."

"Sounds like a plan." Dave nodded and sat down in front of his computer, trying to pick up where Mindy left off.

The young practitioner of amateur medicine stooped to the bottom drawer of Dave's dresser, which she'd claimed as her own. Dave had a similar drawer at her place (though his was on top). She pulled out a new outfit for the day ahead and took it into the bathroom, depositing the bundle by the sink before shucking her clothes and turning on the shower.

As she washed her hair with Dave's shampoo, she smiled at the thought of a day with Dave, uninterrupted by Katie. Normally Dave's Saturdays entailed a massive tribute to Katie in the form of time. That was almost certainly not going to be the case anymore. Her smile widened as she rinsed. They could work on Dave's armor ideas, try to figure out how to take care of his arm, and then, when night fell – shit. Her smile vanished. No patrols until Dave was healed. And she couldn't go out alone – they'd promised one another a long time ago that they would never work solo.

She'd been so accustomed to thinking of Saturday night as a patrol night that her mind had started to plan for it in spite of Dave's injury. Oh well. They'd have fun anyway – just a different kind.

Maybe they could go somewhere fun for dinner. It was hard to sit in a restaurant as Kick-Ass and Hit Girl. Their orders in costume were strictly to-go. Though they did take the occasionally delivery. She giggled at a memory. Having seen surprising examples of pizza places accommodating odd requests via their online delivery forms, Dave had once arranged for a pizza to be delivered to a rooftop, just so see if they'd do it. The delivery boy had not enjoyed the journey, but that was before he knew he was delivering to Kick-Ass and Hit Girl. He'd ultimately geeked out on them and refused to accept a tip. Being a hero was pretty sweet.

Another sweet thing about the hero gig was that the two of them made an excellent living off of it. Sometimes she found herself steepling her fingers while surveying a drug deal, anticipating not only the chance for righteous beatdowns, but the huge wads of cash she'd likely be able to liberate from one or both parties. Their savings (originally hers, but she'd very quickly begun to consider it as being half-Dave's) had grown from three million to four. Mindy shared her Daddy's belief that the best amount of money was an amount you didn't have to worry about. It was nice, being able to take care of herself and Dave, as well as Marcus and Casimir to a lesser extent. The young heroes ate where they liked, they bought what they wanted, and they knew they could expect more of the same as long as they kept robbing criminals.

Beneath her general appreciation for a payday, there existed a more fervent hope. It was a hope she hadn't seriously expressed to Dave yet, though she wouldn't be surprised if Dave had some idea of what she wanted. More than anything else, she hoped the money they made would preclude them from ever needing real jobs. The bright future she imagined was one in which she and Dave had no responsibilities other than a self-imposed oath to eradicate crime. Wake up in the evening, destroy a criminal empire, eat unfathomably amazing street food, inspire adorable children, taunt the police, hang out with Dave, go to sleep at noon, wake up and do it all again. That was her dream.

Mindy turned the water off and stepped out of the shower. As she toweled herself off, she wondered what Dave was thinking. Was he brooding over the loss of Katie, or was he trying to get a handle on the condition of his arm? Was he developing his own plans for the day? Working on armor designs? She wrung her hair out over the sink and began getting dressed.

No matter what their other plans were, she still wanted cake.

**The song is Cartoon Heroes, by Aqua. I would call it Mindy's favorite song. **


	5. Chapter 5

**Once again, please leave a review if you're enjoying the story. Just a heads-up: the following chapter contains chicken-related content which some readers may find unsettling. Hunger is advised.  
><strong>

**Panties Purchased, Seeds Sown**

By the time Mindy emerged from the bathroom, Dave was covered in goosebumps. She'd neglected to put a new shirt on him before taking her shower, so he'd been sitting there - shirtless and with damp hair - for some time. "I suppose you want a shirt?" She offered, running a brush through her hair.

"I don't think we'll make it very far if I go out like this, so yes, please." He nodded.

The dampest half of the slightly damp duo took the shirt Dave had picked out and helped him into it, but not before taking the chance to examine his wound again. She took comfort from the fact that the dressing on his chest was still securely in place and that nothing had bled through yet.

Mindy then tied Dave's shoes and helped him into a jacket, pausing at the threshold to put her hair into her customary pigtails. With that, they were ready to depart. "So... are you OK with the Katie thing?" Mindy asked hesitantly as they hit the sidewalk outside Dave's place.

"Yeah. It's not a big deal. To be honest, I'm not missing her." Dave favored Mindy with a wan smile. He was somewhat surprised at how little it was affecting him.

"That's good." She was glad. She liked it when Dave was happy.

"Where to first?" Dave gestured to the street ahead of them.

"The Greek place for a gyro the size of my head. Then a grocery store so we can buy cake mix." She smiled in anticipation.

"You want to make a cake today?" Dave shook his head at her fixation.

"You have no one to blame but yourself. You brought it up." Mindy prodded his chest, staying clear of the tender area.

"I suppose we could pick up something to cook for dinner later, too." He liked the idea of staying in to work on armor plans. No sense interrupting the workflow to go out and fetch dinner.

"That sounds OK." Mindy agreed.

They acquired the necessary gyro, which she ate messily and greedily on the way to the grocery store, dripping sauce and grease on the pavement and her hands.

"You having fun, there?" Dave asked with some amusement as he watched Mindy lovingly chipping away at the last of her lunch.

"What we had was special. I'm... sad it has to end." She gave a weak, misty smile and took the last bite.

"You'll always have the memories." Dave solemnly intoned as they entered the grocery store.

The young heroes first journeyed to the baking aisle for the cake mix, where Mindy selected chocolate and Dave made her promise she wouldn't overdo the frosting. They then ventured somewhat aimlessly toward the back of the store in search of inspiration. "I feel like chicken." Mindy vaguely suggested.

"How about one of those whole, tiny chickens?" Dave countered. The simplicity of the idea appealed to him.

"OK." Mindy agreed. She grabbed one of the tiny chickens from the refrigerated pit which seemed to be their habitat and was about to hand it to Dave when she remembered his good hand was already full of cake mix. She blinked owlishly and sighed in frustration.

Dave wiggled his bound arm for emphasis. "Limited cargo capacity." He lamented. They never remembered to grab a basket. "We done?"

"Almost." She answered cryptically. She then began to lead them toward the store's clothing section.

Mindy quickly selected a pair of pajama pants and some jeans, trying neither on. Dave had been shopping with her once or twice before, and this was not out of the ordinary for her - she preferred to take her chances on size for the sake of time.

What Dave hadn't witnessed before was Mindy shopping for underwear. It appeared that that was now happening as she led him into parts previously unknown. He was a bit confused about the spree she was on. "Did you suddenly realize you needed a new wardrobe?"

"Kind of. This was my last outfit in the drawer at your house. Gotta build it back up again." She explained absently, grabbing a pack of socks. She then turned with some consternation to the panty issue.

"Looking for the g-strings?" Dave asked with a smirk.

"God I hope they don't make those in my size." The very petite girl cringed. "I just want some fucking underwear. I don't get why everyone makes it so..." She trailed off, perusing the pegs. "And they don't even have Hello Kitty. Son of a bitch." She sighed. "I just want to be able to kick a guy in the face and come out of it without a wedgie." She said in an exasperated rush. "Is that so much to ask?"

"I think that would be stretching the boundaries of underwear science." Dave said regretfully.

"A girl can dream." She said wistfully, and selected a package of modest, neon-colored, lace-free panties. "And I have a good feeling about these." Almost as an afterthought, she grabbed a sports bra and announced that she was finished.

They returned to Dave's place with their purchases, and Mindy set to work on the cake while Dave brought his laptop into the kitchen for research.

They made small talk with Dave's father, explaining that his collarbone had been broken on patrol. Mindy made it sound as if Lateral G and the Crusader had been standing by to help, rather than being the miracle apparitions they actually were. The young heroes completely neglected to mention the fact that Dave had been shot and passed out from blood loss. They saw no point in worrying Casimir more than they had to.

After getting the cake into the oven, Mindy moved to the kitchen table where Dave was seated and peered over his shoulder to see how the research was coming. Instead of the rat's nest of browser tabs she expected, she found him making a list.

_Bulletproof up to at least .45  
>Lightweight<br>Articulated  
>Menacingbadass  
>Head coverage<br>Storage  
>Easily concealed<em>

"Wish list?" She inquired.

"Yup." Dave answered.

"What do you mean by 'articulated?'" She pointed at the word in question.

"That means it lets us move like we're used to, maybe even better." He explained. "Anything you want to add to the list?"

Mindy pondered the question for a moment. "I'd like to keep my skirt."

Dave smiled, unsurprised. It was a distinctive part of the Hit Girl costume. There's really nothing quite like purple tartan. "I'll make it a priority."

"Alright, that's enough armor stuff for today. We need to figure out how to take care of your arm." Mindy reached over Dave and brought the browser to the foreground.

"Hey-" Dave began to protest.

"We need to do it **now. **We'll have plenty of time to design new costumes while you're in recovery. Your armor ideas won't go bad, but if it starts to heal wrong, your arm will." She insisted with a cynical stare.

Dave just sighed and scooted the laptop over. "It's really hard to type with one hand." He muttered dejectedly.

Mindy gave him a few sympathetic pats on the head and pulled up a chair, resuming her failed search for information on Dave's injury.

By the time the cake was finished, Mindy had learned the names of the muscles that were likely affected by the bullet, and the ones anchored to the collarbone. Unfortunately, she had not gained any confidence in her ability to rehabilitate her partner. As she frosted her half of the cake, she wondered whether she really trusted herself with Dave's health. They would probably have to seek some professional help at first. She didn't like the idea, but if it was necessary, she would do it.

Mindy was distracted from her frosting by a sniff of derision from Dave. She turned around to find him shaking his head in mild disbelief while putting his phone back in his pocket.

"What is it?" She licked the frosting from the knife she'd been using.

"Just Katie being a silly bitch. She keeps saying all I have to do to get her back is apologize for taking your side. Never mind the fact that I haven't _tried_ to get her back..." He muttered. "She's even agreed to 'let' me keep being Kick-Ass!" He clapped a hand to his cheek in faux-shock. "I keep telling her _she_ should be apologizing to _you_, since you did nothing wrong. I think I'm gonna talk to Marty about blocking her number." He finished dismissively.

"Has she been giving you shit all day?" Mindy asked with mounting displeasure. She gave the other side of the knife a slow, calculating lick.

"Not all day. Just a little here and there. She'll either get the message and give up, or I'll have Marty block her." He spoke with an air of casual finality.

Mindy hoped that Katie would decide to leave Dave alone of her own accord - soon. She really liked the idea of Katie being out of Dave's life, and was a little upset to see that dream still unrealized.

* * *

><p>Evening found the young heroes in the kitchen again. "So we're doing what, exactly, to this bird?" Mindy inquired. Dave had begun peeling garlic.<p>

"You're gonna cram garlic and butter up its ass until you start to feel sorry for it." He chuckled. "That, or until it taps out, but that's never happened."

"So... probably doesn't really matter which hole." She mused quietly to herself.

"Just do what feels right." Dave clapped her on the shoulder reassuringly. For some time, the kitchen was silent save for the clatter of the knife on the cutting board.

"You might have to stop me yourself." Mindy warned. "I don't know if I can feel sorry for it. Look at the way it's posed! And all that bare skin... She _wants_ this." With that, she unsheathed a stick of butter and eyed the bird lewdly.

"You win." Dave laughed as he handed her the peeled garlic. "That's pretty fuckin' creepy."

"I try." She took a demure little bow.

They retired to Dave's basement while they waited for the chicken. Mindy pointed Dave to the treadmill, insisting that he should jog a bit to make up for their lack of activity. Dave conceded the wisdom of Mindy's suggestion, and only grumbled a little as he complied.

While he ran, Mindy received a phone call from Marcus. "Are you coming home tonight?"

"I'm not sure yet." She replied hesitantly.

"Do you have homework?" Marcus's tone was slightly accusatory.

"Not very much. I can do it tomorrow."

"Will you do it tomorrow in time to get eight hours of sleep?" He prompted.

"Yes." She drew the word out and rolled her eyes at the question. It was a common one, though she wasn't really that perturbed by it.

"So why did you stay over last night? Did you tire yourself out?" Marcus asked playfully.

Mindy related the story of the trip to the hospital and Dave's surgery, omitting gunshot wound and his loss of consciousness. She couldn't be sure that Marcus wouldn't talk to Casimir about it, so they both needed to hear the same story.

"I'm glad he's alright." Marcus sighed. "You'd better hope nobody at the hospital got a good look at him. What did you two do today?"

Mindy gave a thorough account of the day thus far, from the emergency burger run to their odd shopping trip, on which Marcus requested some clarification. "Why did you need all those new clothes? Are you outgrowing the stuff you've got?"

"No, I just needed more clothes for Dave's house. I have a drawer in his dresser, and I'm wearing the last outfit I had in there. I figured I should have more." She explained.

"So you took Dave underwear shopping with you. Does this mean one of you finally proposed?" He inquired nonchalantly.

"What?" Mindy laughed.

"Well, you already spend every waking moment together. Now you're keeping part of your wardrobe at his place. What am I supposed to think?" He chuckled. "Does Dave already have a Best Man lined up? Maybe you can have that Crusader guy officiate. But I guess that's only if you want a costume wedding."

"Dave and I aren't... like that." Mindy shook her head and laughed into the phone. At first she sounded appropriately peeved, but the last two words had fallen somewhat flat, as if she suddenly questioned their veracity.

Marcus had heard it too, and was now slightly worried. He had only aimed to tease, but Mindy's response wasn't as indignant as he thought it would be. Thankfully, Dave was spoken for. "Well, of course not. I doubt Katie would go for that." A little bit of relief seeped into his tone.

"They broke up last night." Mindy said quietly, glancing at Dave's back as he bounded along. She'd accidentally forgotten the break-up when she'd relayed the edited story to Marcus.

"Oh. Rough night for Dave." Marcus was now panicking again. What the hell kind of seed had he just planted? "So are you coming home tonight?" He repeated his earlier question, knowing the words didn't convey his sudden desire to keep Mindy home indefinitely for the sake of his sanity and her virtue - scant as her virtue was.

"I think I'll stay here and take care of the cripple. At least I'm not out on patrol, right?" She offered brightly. She knew that Marcus counted every night she avoided the costume as a little victory.

"Right." Marcus's reply was devoid of the enthusiasm she'd expected.

"I'll see you tomorrow."

"Alright. Love you, kiddo." Marcus always sounded the same when he said that - a little hopeful, and a little worried.

"Love you too. Bye." She ended the call.

Mindy checked the time and relayed it to Dave, who announced that dinner was probably ready and jumped off the treadmill. "Was that Marcus?"

"Yeah. He was just checking in." She followed Dave up the stairs and into the kitchen, which smelled like success.

"He's not making you go home tonight, is he?" Dave began setting the table.

Mindy gave a short laugh as she opened the oven. "I think he knows better than to try."

"Good." He tried to keep his smile from growing too broad. "Don't know what I'd do without my fake doctor."

"You'd probably die of boredom." She declared. "Then again, so would I."

Dave nodded sagely in agreement and went to tell his father dinner was ready.

As Mindy began carving the chicken, she imagined the costume wedding Marcus had described. The scene made her smile, but the idea made her wonder.


	6. Chapter 6

**Fans of the dream sequences found in my HP work who are reading this story (all two of you!) will be happy to hear there's a dream in this chapter.**

**Heat Therapy**

After dinner, the young heroes returned to Dave's room for more research on the rehabilitation and armor issues. The harrowing amount of conflicting or nonspecific information on caring for Dave's injury had convinced them that they needed the opinion of a professional. They couldn't very well use the same approach they'd used at the hospital, since physical therapy was a multi-appointment endeavor. To solve that problem, they'd come up with a serviceable lie to explain the injury and the lack of paperwork surrounding it. Dave had been mugged in Mexico and patched up in a Mexican hospital. It was simple and vague, and they felt it would probably work.

As they moved on to armor research, Mindy allowed Dave to direct her, acting as his hands and letting him do all the thinking. She was so preoccupied that she took no notice of what she was typing or the passage of time.

Marcus had made Mindy aware of an opportunity that she had never considered, and her mind had been churning over it since dinner. She'd been dreaming for quite some time of a future with Dave, but the nature of that imagined future had always closely resembled the present. Kick-Ass and Hit Girl against the world, no jobs, no mercy, plenty of fun. But now a different sort of vision intruded. They would go to movies and hold hands. Maybe kiss. They would sleep in the same bed every night, instead of saving it for special circumstances.

There were, after all, some things – blush-inducing things – which everyone talked about (and yet didn't talk about) that Mindy had trouble imagining herself doing with anyone but Dave. She wasn't going to go through life without trying _that_, and if she had a choice, she'd prefer to try it with Dave. It was the sensible option. They got along very well. Dave was cute. They understood each other. They did things together that they couldn't do with anyone else.

They'd reached a level of camaraderie that was difficult to come by. Talking someone through the process of breaking a gangster's kneecaps certainly felt like it belonged _somewhere_ on the intimacy scale. Mindy couldn't be sure, but it was probably above a kiss. They'd helped each other do awful, necessary things, and they'd come out of it smiling. The bond between them was strong; she just needed to change its nature slightly.

There could be problems. There was the question of whether Dave could have romantic feelings for her. She'd have to let that piece fall into place when the time was right, and not a moment sooner.

There were other questions, of course, which would only become relevant if things went well. There was the question of whether they'd have to keep it a secret if they went through with it. Would they move in together when she turned eighteen? Would they get married, or just shack up indefinitely? Will Kick-Ass and Hit Girl display any affection in public? She smiled at that. The papers would have _so_ much fun with a superhero romance.

Since Dave appeared to be on board with the general concept of love – he'd pursued Katie, after all – Mindy was confident she could win him over. After all, what other woman would understand him the way she did? Of course, it would help to know what Dave valued in a woman. Mindy was still absolutely confident that she was fabulous, but a little insurance would be nice. With the correct line of questioning, she could probably get the information she needed without arousing suspicion.

But that was a job for another day. Right now, it was two in the morning, and she was busy trying to maintain her composure and avoid waking Casimir with raucous laughter.

Mindy had remarked over dinner that Dave was starting to look scruffy, not having shaved for a couple of days. After running a hand over his chin and confirming that it was indeed getting unruly, Dave had replied that she was probably going to have to get used to him with a beard, since shaving was a two-handed activity.

At this, Mindy paused with a fork-load of chicken halfway to her mouth. "Oh _hell_ no." She stared at him incredulously.

Casimir smirked, but said nothing.

"What?" Dave asked in mild surprise.

"You're not growing a beard." She decreed. "You'd look ridiculous." She shook her head, smiling at the ludicrousness of it, and returned to her food.

"Well then, what do you propose, since you're apparently my image consultant?" He demanded.

"_I__'__ll_ help you shave. We're not going to subject the world to Pedostache Dave." She laughed.

"So the bottom line is that you want to go to town on my throat with sharp things. Best idea I've heard all day." Dave pumped his good arm in faux-excitement.

"No, the bottom line is that it sounds like fun. Would it help if I put my doctor pants on first?" She offered.

Dave shook his head at her suggestion - it seemed she really liked those pants. "I'd be more comfortable with a barber's jacket, since it's shaving, not surgery. Do you have one of those?"

"Nope." Mindy replied. "Come on, it's not like I'm gonna use my knife or something."

"If he doesn't make it, can I have his stereo?" Casimir pointed discreetly at Dave with his fork.

Dave flashed his father a hurt look before turning to Mindy, who appeared to be seriously considering the question. "Sure, I guess that's fair." She shrugged innocently.

That was how the young heroes found themselves in front of Dave's bathroom mirror in the earliest hours of a Sunday, giggling at the simple task they were about to undertake. Mindy had changed Dave's bandage and then insisted on getting rid of his stubble. They were slightly giddy from lack of sleep, despite the fact that they routinely went to bed closer to sunrise than sunset. The difference was that on the street, adrenaline and paranoia kept them alert. Here, in the safety of Dave's bathroom, all they had for company was each other, and they had relaxed accordingly.

Their boisterous mood could also be attributed to the fact that shaving cream - like the banana - is intrinsically funny. Mindy had had far too much fun applying it. She had used enough for at least two faces, sealing off Dave's nostrils, which he'd been forced to clear with a strategic snort, which Mindy found hilarious.

"Alright, be careful." Dave gestured to his face. "This is my meal ticket, right here."

"Of course." She giggled, giving an exaggerated wink and picking up the razor. "Besides, no matter how badly I screw it up, Kick-Ass will still be handsome. He's got the mask to fall back on."

"Unless you take out one of my eyes because you're laughing so hard..." He mumbled nervously. This set Mindy off in fresh peals of laughter. Her cheeks were beginning to hurt with the effort of keeping herself together. "I can't believe I'm letting you do this." He chuckled, watching Mindy fall to pieces.

"It's OK!" She gasped. "Chicks love eye patches." She clutched the edge of the counter and doubled over, eventually resting her aching face on the cool surface, pounding it with mirth while her giggles petered out. Dave just cocked an eyebrow at her and smirked dubiously as she composed herself, peeling her cheek from the counter and wiping a bit of drool from her mouth.

After straightening up again, she made the mistake of looking at Dave, who was still waiting expectantly, lathered up with shaving cream that was beginning to go flat. She snickered at the sight, but kept herself under control. The fatigue of marathon laughter had taken its toll. "OK, let's do this." She declared with a determined sigh, the effect of which was spoiled by her loopy grin.

Mindy started with his neck, her fingers carefully seeking purchase on the unlathered skin so that she could hold it steady as Dave had instructed. She dragged the razor up to his chin and pulled it away. No cuts so far. Dave appraised her work in the mirror and nodded approvingly. "I think we'll be fine." Both Dave and Mindy enjoyed the remainder of the shaving project more than they'd expected.

After his face was smooth again, they returned to Dave's room and lay on the bed, where the freshly-shaven young man became reflective.

"Man, why did I even do it?" He asked the air around him. "Looking back, there wasn't a lot to it. She was this..." He gestured vaguely before giving up and letting his arm flop back onto the bed. "Crazy, unreachable goal. She was ridiculously hot, I'd heard she was nice, and her locker was close to mine, so I saw her every day. She just got stuck in my head."

"So it wasn't the-" Mindy yawned. "-cheerleader thing?"

"**God** no. I've never been into that. Bubble-headed bleach-blondes... woof." Dave shuddered, or he would have if he hadn't been so tired.

"Seems like you're more upset that it began than that it ended." Mindy offered.

"Yeah, I think you're right. It was a dumb idea." He sighed.

"You sure you're OK? You want a hug or something?" Mindy was concerned. This was the most Dave had said about the Katie situation, and it seemed he was beating himself up over it, even if he wasn't mourning a loss.

"Why the hell not?" Dave cast out his good arm to receive her. Coming from his injured side, she ended up lightly resting on the bandaged shoulder as she hugged him. "Oh, that's awesome." The warmth coming from Mindy's body seeped into his shoulder and dulled the pain. He let his head loll to the side, savoring the feeling. "Apparently my shoulder wants to be warm."

"I could just hang out here." Mindy murmured, relaxing onto his chest and gradually letting him bear her weight. "Be your heat blanket."

"Please do." Dave sighed, closing his eyes. The last thing that passed through his mind before sleep wiped it clean was that he'd never spent a whole night with Katie. The irony of this made him let out a little sniff, barely strong enough to ruffle Mindy's hair.

* * *

><p>By degrees, Mindy became aware of a pulsating light. Scrunching her eyes shut in concentration, she tried to get a handle on her senses. The smell was familiar. A little bit musty, a little bit plastic. There was also a hint of some overly-sweet and almost certainly synthetic beverage in the air. She heard a low hum which occasionally changed pitch slightly. The pulsating light continued; it seeped through her eyelids, muted, but still there. She opened her eyes and forced them to focus.<p>

The light was the first mystery solved. Her eyes snapped to the first sign of movement, which turned out to be the street rushing underneath her. The light wasn't coming from a single source; it was every street lamp they had passed, each one waxing and waning into the next. The smells were quickly explained when she looked ahead to see a familiar hooded figure and the orange-lit instruments around him. She was in the back of Lateral G's car.

Oh fuck. If she was here, then... With great trepidation, she looked to her left. She was greeted by Dave's smiling face in full Kick-Ass regalia. "Still awake?" He nudged her shoulder playfully. He was the picture of tranquility, calmly alternating his gaze between his window and her.

"Yeah." Mindy replied, confused but relieved.

"You better be. We're almost there." G's voice drifted back to her, though it seemed distant. She was still focused on Dave.

"You ready?" Dave asked her.

The disoriented girl didn't know what was happening or where they were going, but she certainly didn't want to admit that. "Yeah." She nodded confidently.

"Good. Should be fun." He smiled knowingly, and reached out to take her hand. He cupped her fingers with his palm, gently running his thumb over her knuckles.

She returned his smile with a blush. Was Dave _always_ going to make her feel this way, now that she was thinking about him differently? It was nice to hold hands, though. She hadn't expected it. Of course, she hadn't expected to wake up in the Chariot with no context to guide her, but it seemed she might luck into some context shortly, as they were slowing down.

The car squeaked to a stop on what appeared to be a deserted street. The Crusader opened his door and stepped onto the sidewalk, so Mindy rushed to do the same. Oddly, she heard music coming from the alley before her. Dave joined her at a relaxed pace, took her hand again, and began leading her into the strangely-lit alley. It seemed the Crusader wouldn't be joining them. He waved them toward the alley with a wan smile, as if urging them to go have a good time.

The alley was bathed in a blood-red glow that came from innumerable lanterns hanging from the surrounding fire escapes. The music grew louder as they approached; it was a staccato, stringy sort of song, though it soon gave rise to a swell of brass that never receded. The horns kept up the jaunty tune, turning it into just the sort of thing that made Mindy want to move.

Poorly-lit figures swam into view before them. There were all manner of hoodlums and psychos eyeing them, swaying slowly to the music, but keeping their feet planted. It was like walking into a forest where the trees bowed in the wind and conspired to kill you behind hateful eyes. Mindy liked it. It felt like a practice course. A shadowy band came into view, backed up against a wall at the end of the alley. They were decked out in enormous hats and ornate suits with gold trim. Curiously, they also seemed entirely unperturbed by the impending danger.

Suddenly, the musicians played a dramatic sting, accompanied by a low yell. Dave sprang away from her side and the music continued, playful and jaunty as ever. She spun in a circle, looking for threats. As her eyes flicked over Dave, she saw him artfully beating away three large men with his batons. After she'd made almost a full revolution, the first of the swaying, leering men launched himself at her like some kind of jungle cat. She crouched and stabbed him as he sailed over her, opening a foot-long gash in his stomach with her fighting knife, which she hadn't remembered taking out.

From that point on, the foes came one after another, as regularly as the streetlamps they'd passed. It was a gloriously indulgent sort of fight – no guns, no ganging up, nobody with any decent training to worry about. She heard the yells of agony which Dave drew from the throats of his attackers, occasionally catching glimpses of him cracking skulls with a ferocious grin. She herself had sunk into the song's rhythm, stabbing and slashing to the music, generally having a wonderful time.

Eventually, she ran out of foes. Happily, at the same time, the band ran out of notes. They began a waltz, though the horns stubbornly refused to sit this one out. The change was a little jarring, but not nearly as jarring as turning around to see Dave smiling down at her no more than a foot away. Before she had time to think, he grabbed one of her hands, settling his other hand on the curve of her hip, and began leading her around the blood-splattered alley with practiced ease.

Her first thought after the shock wore off was that Dave had gotten the drop on her. That _never_ happened. She was the queen of stealth. He wasn't even a Duke of stealth. Her second thought was that Dave was pretty good at this, which was odd, since she recalled him saying he didn't dance. When she finally managed to wrench her gaze away from his, she noticed that the scenery had changed quite a bit. Dave was now dressed rather nicely, and was wearing the absolute hell out of a red silk bow-tie. In her peripheral vision, she noticed a sweeping white shape that seemed to follow her movements. Glancing down, she saw that she wasn't dressed as Hit Girl anymore – she was wearing a white dress which seemed too good to be true in a number of ways. She didn't have the vocabulary to describe it, and was actually a bit disappointed in herself for that.

Of course, that didn't matter as long as she could keep wearing it and dancing with Dave a little while longer. She had a dreadful feeling that it wouldn't happen again. Dave didn't dance. The thought stayed with her even when the song changed again – this time to a slow, almost mournful tune that prompted Dave to draw her in close and simply sway with her. Mindy was very much OK with this, putting her arms around him and lacing her fingers behind his back. She sighed against his chest and drew in a breath, getting a lungful of Dave Smell. She wasn't sure how to describe it, but she knew it well.

Damn. It was really a pity Dave didn't dance.

* * *

><p>Mindy awoke sometime around ten with vague recollections from an excellent dream. She was still wrapped halfway around Dave's body and was quite glad to see him sleeping peacefully. Hopefully she'd had something to do with that.<p>

She thought back to the dream, with the extremely convenient Lateral G shuttle service, the long and low-stress fight, the dancing, and Dave in a bow-tie. She wanted that life. On a less important note, she _really_ wanted that dress.

**Without the dream, this chapter felt way too short, so I let my mind wander and started getting all weird on my keyboard. I'm very pleased with the result. Just couldn't bear to release something so short. Wouldn't want to go all Makokam on you guys. ;)**

**I considered having a waiter step out of the shadows in the alley and ask them what kind of fight they'd like this evening, but I felt it might ruin the atmosphere of menace. :P  
><strong>


	7. Chapter 7

**Please review if you're enjoying the story. **

**Logic Bomb**

If Dave's doctor wasn't buying the Mexico excuse, he wasn't saying so. However, he hadn't been able to keep a straight face when the young man informed him that a quick recovery was paramount, as he'd recently taken up boxing. He could not reconcile the image of the lanky geek before him with that of a boxer, but he decided to let it slide. He'd prescribed physical therapy after joking that somebody upstairs must not like Dave very much, given his record of life-threatening injuries. Dave had nervously laughed his agreement.

He was now a couple of weeks into physical therapy and had been taught a number of exercises that would help him heal properly and regain his strength. The therapists had also cautioned him against placing any strain on the arm as long as he was in their care, so Kick-Ass and Hit Girl were still absent from patrol. That was fine with Dave – he still needed a new costume.

Dave had decided that the new armor had to be made of a composite material. Having read that carbon fiber was as strong as steel, but a tiny fraction of its weight, he was excited. If it could hold an airplane together, it could surely stand up to some abuse. He'd completed a crude set of designs for armor plates that would cover 80 percent of their bodies, fitting snugly and cutting a sleek profile. They might even be able to wear the stuff under normal clothes.

There was, however, a problem with his concept. Carbon fiber was apparently a difficult substance to work with. Dave thought that they should try to find someone who worked with the stuff for a living. Mindy was hesitant to agree to it at first, but Dave ultimately convinced her that it would be nearly impossible for them to make the armor themselves. She stipulated that they would have to make contact anonymously, and avoid giving their real names _or_ their hero names until they were sure that they could trust both the individual and his work.

To that end, the crime-fighting duo had begun a search for composite manufacturers in the city.

The problem with _that_ was that none of the results were manufacturing facilities. They were offices, likely full of people who had no experience with the materials they sold. The offices were probably for accountants and salespeople, not craftsmen.

One afternoon, Dave changed tactics, looking at the businesses around the airport. If someone was going to make plane parts, he reasoned that they'd do it close to the airport. He stared at the map. Just freight companies and hotels. Nothing else.

Eventually, he grew frustrated with his loss of momentum and went to the kitchen for a drink. He found his father making a sandwich. "I don't suppose you know where I can find someone who makes plane parts in the City, do you?"

Casimir mulled it over, then shook his head apologetically. "Nope. They don't make anything here. They put the planes together somewhere else, too. But you need somebody who can make custom, one-of-a-kind stuff, don't you?"

"Yeah." Dave admitted. Surely that made the search even harder.

"Why don't you just try to find some of the guys who repair the planes? They should be able to do whatever crazy thing you want them to." Casimir suggested.

"I don't think a mechanic would help." Dave said dubiously.

"I don't mean a mechanic. I mean the guys who patch up holes in the wings and crap."

"Just how often do the wings get holes?" Dave asked in alarm. Why the hell had he been flying in something that was that fragile?

"I don't know. But you could try to find the guys who patch them. Just go to one of the bars around the airport. Not _in_ the airport." He emphasized. "Just somewhere nearby. It'll probably be full of the kind of guys you're looking for."

So he was supposed to walk into a blue-collar aviation bar and find a freelancer willing to work with wanted vigilantes. If it wasn't for all the planes that would be flying overhead, it could be a scene out of an old western. Dave supposed it was worth a shot.

Mindy came over after finishing her homework, and he took the opportunity to pitch Casimir's idea. She thought it could work, though she suggested Dave go by himself. "Negotiating isn't my strong point. Besides, you're Jewish. We'll get a better deal if you do the talking, won't we?"

"Ha ha." Dave rolled his eyes. "If I had a nickel for everyone who thought I was Jewish..."

"It's your crazy last name." She stage-whispered.

"I thought it was the hair." He replied dully.

"That too." Mindy agreed.

"You really don't want to go?" Dave knew it wasn't like her to opt out of something this important.

Mindy sighed. "I think the damage I'd do to the cover story would outweigh anything I could do to help." She made a sweeping gesture, indicating her small stature and youthful face. "I'd be getting looks just for walking in to the bar. You can put on a polo shirt or something and blend in." Dave frowned sympathetically. Mindy's youth sometimes put her at a disadvantage, and he could tell that it weighed on her. "You'll be fine on your own." She gave him a subtle, reassuring smile.

* * *

><p>As it turned out, Dave was indeed fine on his own. He entered a bar called The Hangar and tried very hard to channel someone with more social graces than himself. To his own surprise, he met with some success. He ordered soda and casually asked the bartender if most of the clientele were in the aircraft industry.<p>

"We don't call it The Hangar for nothing." He deadpanned.

"Well, that's kind of what I was counting on. You know anybody in here who works with composites?" Dave asked with an abundance of polite curiosity.

The barman scoffed and gestured to the bar at large. "Take your pick."

The man next to Dave had overheard their conversation. "You some kind of headhunter?"

"What?" Dave couldn't help but lose his composure over that question.

"Recruiter. You looking to hire somebody?" The man clarified.

"Oh!" Dave exclaimed. So much for social graces. "Yeah. I'm looking for somebody for some custom work. Small stuff. I need somebody with the time to spare. Somebody discreet."

"What kind of custom work?"

"Well, I'm not really allowed to say until we get some details hammered out." Dave hemmed.

"Defense project? Ah, I get you. I get you. Couple of guys around here with the clearance for that, actually. I think Shiro worked with Lockheed once, didn't he, Stan?" His question was addressed to the bartender.

"Yeah." Stan confirmed. "Hey, he's getting laid off soon." He recalled. He appeared sympathetic, though not surprised. That sort of thing probably happened all the time.

"Well there you go!" The man next to Dave clapped him on the back jovially, sending Dave's chin pitching into his glass of soda. "Go talk to Shiro! He'd love the work, especially since he's about to run out anyway. He'll make any damn thing you want. He claims he made a carbon fiber beer stein once." He cackled.

"Thanks." Dave lightly pressed his tongue against the point where his straw had stabbed the roof of his mouth. Damn friendly people. "Where can I find this guy?"

"Other end of the bar." Stan pointed to a stocky man of about 30 dressed in a plaid shirt and slacks.

Dave approached the plaid stranger and introduced himself as John, receiving a hearty handshake for his efforts. "Shiro Robertson, good to meet you."

Dave's manners failed to keep him from showing a moment of confusion over the other man's name.

"Scotch-Japanese." He explained. "Shiro means 'white.' I'm told that my grandfather named me, and that he had an odd sense of humor."

After they had a bit of a laugh over his name, Dave attempted to break the ice by asking the older man about his time at Lockheed. They soon arrived on the subject of his current job. Shiro was, as it turned out, quite bitter about his impending unemployment, but in a genial sort of way. "Well, if they want to see what happens when they replace me with someone who blindly _obeys_ instead of thinking or reading the goddamn charts right, I hope that works out for them. If it doesn't, I suppose I'll hear about it." He shrugged flippantly. "Can't keep an autoclave explosion quiet, right?" He asked with a dark laugh.

"Right." Dave agreed, hoping that he was, in fact, right.

"So what's the job, here? You want me to redesign the bathroom on Air Force One? Cause that'd break my heart. I know the guy who designed it originally. We just wouldn't be able to hang out anymore." He joked.

"No." Dave chuckled. "Actually I was hoping you could make two sets of custom body armor for some… clients of mine?" He finished uncertainly.

"Uh huh." Shiro answered slowly. "And what's the application? Paintball? Airsoft?"

Dave looked around them to make sure no one was listening, then leaned in so that Shiro would hear him clearly. "More like small arms fire."

Shiro's face betrayed only a little surprise. He nodded nonchalantly, though his eyebrows appeared to be stuck in the full upright position. "So we're talking bulletproofing? Bulletproof body armor?" He asked.

Dave nodded.

"I've actually always wanted to try something like that, but with a kevlar core. You weren't thinking of just pure carbon fiber for bulletproofing, were you?"

"Maybe?" Dave had a feeling he was about to feel stupid.

Shiro tried not to laugh. "That wouldn't have worked. It's too brittle. It would just shatter. I have a design I've been wanting to try, though. Bulletproof in theory. Never had the money to burn, though. Do your clients recognize that these things don't come cheap?" Shiro was looking for the catch.

"They're willing to pay for quality." Dave assured him.

At that, Shiro grinned broadly. "You know, I think this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship."

* * *

><p>Ten days later, Dave and Mindy found themselves staring at a garage door in the back of a machine shop near JFK. At 10 p.m. on the dot, the door lifted to reveal Shiro, looking exactly the same as he had at the bar, though perhaps a little more relaxed, and in a different shade of plaid. Upon seeing their masks and Mindy's purple wig, he clapped his hands and twirled in a full circle on his heel. "<em>Knew<em> it! No non-disclosure contract, no full names, finding me at a bar, _knew_ it was going to be heroes. And I knew it was you two the moment you gave me the height measurements! This works out great. Now I get to pitch the accessories!" He beckoned them into the shop, closing the garage door behind them.

"Accessories?" Mindy muttered archly, looking around the little workshop.

"Before we get to the measurements... How do you kids feel about upgrading your close-combat weapons?" Shiro waggled his eyebrows.

"What do you have in mind?" Dave asked with some trepidation.

"Think… meaner." He clenched a fist. "Faster takedowns. That kind of thing. I prepared some designs based on what I've heard about you guys." He said excitedly.

Mindy looked intrigued. "Keep going."

"First, for the lovely Hit Girl: A retractable..." He paused, and crossed to a whiteboard. "Carbon fiber..." He took a marker and began scribbling something at a furious pace. "Sword. Anchored to your forearm." He finished with relish, stepping back from his drawing and presenting it in a manner befitting a magician. Clearly, Shiro was a showman at heart.

It was exactly as he'd described it, but grander somehow. The black lines and curves formed the image of a wicked-looking blade extending from some kind of gauntlet.

"The thing about the wrist is that it's not strong enough to stand up to the kind of abuse you've been putting it through. It'll never be as strong as, say, your shoulder. This way, you can swing from the shoulder without worrying about your grip on the blade. And when you're done lopping off limbs, you just retract it and you're ready to touch things without killing them!" He crossed his arms smugly. "It slices, it dices, it's against the Geneva convention, and it's yours for somewhere around five or ten grand!" He gestured again to the whiteboard and took a subtle bow.

Mindy's smile was so wide that he might as well have told her she'd be riding into battle on a unicorn. "I like it..."

"Wouldn't the blade be kind of weak?" Dave asked skeptically.

"Nope. Just because it's thin doesn't mean it's weak. Stronger than steel at a fraction of the weight, remember? I can make it just as sharp, too." He said with undisguised pride.

Dave looked at Mindy, silently asking for confirmation. She could do nothing more than nod, still awestruck by the super-efficient brutality of the design. She'd have to modify her fighting style if she wanted to use it, but the benefits looked significant. Shit, she wouldn't even have to _use _it to enjoy it. She'd get plenty of jollies just _owning_ the thing.

"Now, on to the illustrious Mr. Kick-Ass. For you – and I actually have a prototype of this – something I'm calling the Zeus Knuckles!" He gestured to a glove on his workbench. It was covered in wires which led to a small black box. Two metal tabs filed to points jutted out from the middle and ring knuckles. He strapped the glove on, duct-taping the little box to his arm, and crossed to the mini-fridge, extracting a slab of meat. He laid the meat on the workbench, cocked his fist, and drove it in with a wet-sounding _thump._ The steak immediately began to spit and smoke. Dave would later swear that it even convulsed a bit.

Shiro sang above the racket of the meat, belting out strange new words to a very old tune. "O, will the circuit... Beeee completed... By rib-eye steak... By rib-eye..." He finally released the steak, which was still smoking slightly.

"Police X-26 Taser with the 5-second rule removed. I shortened the probes and fitted the whole shebang to a motorcycle glove. I'll be building the necessary wiring into your gauntlet, of course, along with the battery pack. The fingers are nice and hard on the outside, but padded on the inside. Good for delivering a punch, _also_ delivers about a million volts when you press this button here." He gestured to the side of the index finger. "Instant takedown. I don't care how much PCP they've done, they can't ignore this." He flexed his fingers. "Pretty full range of motion, too."

"Nice." Dave was impressed. "Can you make it stab-proof, too?"

Shiro took the glove off, turning it over, deep in thought. "How about just the palm? I can sew some fine mail into the palm. You can catch other people's blades that way."

"Mail's gonna ruin his grip." Mindy protested.

Shiro thought again. "Spray-on rubber. Instant grip. Problem solved." He smiled.

Mindy nodded appreciatively.

"How much?" Dave sighed.

"I can do it for two thousand." Shiro said in a tone that emphasized the tantalizing nature of the offer.

"Alright, we'll take them." Dave agreed. Mindy did a celebratory pelvic thrust and then began miming the motion of stabbing with her whole arm, clearly excited over the prospect of the real thing.

"Excellent! And I'll, uh-" Shiro paused, gingerly sniffing the charred beef blood caked onto the fingers of the glove. "I'll disinfect this, of course. You probably don't punch many cow corpses, do you?" He joked.

"On a good day, no." Mindy answered quite seriously.

They soon got to the measurements. It was a little awkward for Mindy to watch Dave strip, and if she was honest with herself, her eyes lingered on him a little more than they should have. In a way, this was research, she reasoned. She should probably get used to seeing him this way if she was going to get all romantic with him.

Mindy laughed her ass off at the look on Dave's face when he saw Shiro approaching with a can of cooking spray.

"What… Why?" Dave asked helplessly. One would think wearing nothing but a mask and some underwear would get easier the second time, but he found that it didn't.

"You'll be thankful after you see step two." Shiro assured him. "You don't want that stuff sticking to you."

After applying enough cooking spray to make Dave gleam like a Mr. Universe contender, Shiro brought out a bucket and began plastering Dave's torso with a strange, pasty goo. Mindy looked on in amusement as Dave shivered with every new dollop of special sauce. Dave's curiosity soon got the best of him. "What the hell _is_ this stuff, exactly?"

"I call it Shiro-mâché. Like papier-mâché, but with some Aramid scraps and clay to help it hold its shape. I use this stuff to make molds. Figured it would work especially well for something like this. When I'm done with your armor, it's going to fit like a glove." He wore a grin of fierce confidence.

Mindy's measurement session was substantially more awkward than Dave's. It was compounded by the fact that Shiro quite clearly hadn't expected Hit Girl to be _that _young. She stripped to her underwear and mask as Dave had done, submitting herself to Shiro's greasy ministrations. Trying to break the awkward silence (and unable to ignore her underwear), Shiro commented that his niece was a fan of both Hello Kitty and Hit Girl. He lamented the fact that he couldn't tell her that Hit Girl liked Hello Kitty too, though he concluded that it was probably for the best, as it might cause the poor girl's head to explode in joy. Running his hands all over what was clearly a young girl made him feel slimy on a couple of levels, and he was doing his best to keep his mind adrift while he worked.

Dave spent Mindy's measurement time trying not to hate Shiro for doing what he was getting paid to do. He told himself that this was necessary. It had to happen. He still didn't like it.

After Shiro carefully cut the molds away from their bodies, Dave left him an e-mail address through which they could be contacted and bade him goodnight.

* * *

><p>A few days later, Mindy had suggested they go on a run through the park near Dave's house. It was a cool, cloudy sort of day – the sort that felt wet, but without the oppressive pall of hot humidity. The land seemed shrouded in a mist that could be felt but was not yet thick enough to see. That feeling was usually an omen of coming rain, but neither Dave nor Mindy minded the idea of getting a little wet.<p>

Dave enjoyed the atmosphere as he trailed a few feet behind Mindy, trying to match her brisk pace. They'd gone a long distance at a full run, and were now taking a bit of a break. They'd slowed to a jog. The path wound through large trees with low-hanging boughs. Dave could smell the trees letting go of something in anticipation of the coming storm. That was the smell people associated with rain, he knew, but he could never remember what the trees were letting go of – just that they were only willing to part with it when rain was imminent.

"Hey Dave, what do you think love is?" Mindy slowed down to jog beside him.

"What?" He knew what she'd said. He just couldn't quite believe she'd asked it.

"What do you think love is?" She repeated.

"Why are you asking _me_?" He wasn't unwilling, he was really just confused.

"You said a while ago that you could help with stuff like this... Stuff I would've asked my Dad. But if you don't want to, it's OK. I could ask Marcus or - I don't know - Google it or something..." She trailed off. It was true. Very shortly after Damon died, Dave had told her that he knew he couldn't hope to replace Damon, but that if she ever needed something that Damon would have provided, he would do his best to provide it himself, if only she'd allow it.

"The results for 'what is love' aren't as useful as you might think." Dave knew; he had tried it. "I just don't know if I'm qualified."

"Well, take your best shot." She slowed to a walk, for which Dave was grateful. As he slowed to walk with her, he heard muffled thunder in the distance.

He tried to find a decent starting place. "I guess..." He paused, marshaling the words into a formation that would be both simple and effective. "It's connecting with someone really well."

"What does connecting feel like?" Mindy prompted, gazing at the dark clouds overhead.

"It's when you understand somebody, and they understand you, but you both still like each other anyway." He laughed nervously at his own joke. "When you can do stuff with them you couldn't imagine doing with anyone else. You both get each other, and admire something in each other, and you're like a team. And you miss each other when you're apart." Dave was rambling. He definitely wasn't painting a cohesive picture of love, but he hoped he was at least hitting the high points.

"That sounds a lot like being friends." Mindy kept her tone neutral. "At least the way you described it to Katie."

"Yeah, I guess it's being best friends and wanting each other to be happy. You look out for each other. There has to be attraction, but I don't think that part's as important." Dave recalled the sinking feeling he sometimes got when he was with Katie. He sometimes felt as though he'd bought a house that - while very pretty on the outside - contained the wrong number of bedrooms, or a kitchen with all the counters at dwarf-height.

"What does attraction feel like?" Mindy's voice may have wavered a bit. She was hoping for something here, though she wasn't sure exactly what.

"I guess it's when somebody makes you nervous and you really care what they think of you." That was true of pretty much every girl Dave had ever had feelings for. As a result, he'd been too much of a wreck to approach any of them directly.

"I always thought it was just thinking someone was cute. I didn't know it had to make you nervous." Mindy was mildly surprised. It made some sense, though. Sometimes she felt nervous around Dave, like she might do something wrong. She kept that feeling quiet, of course. So far, it had never been justified.

"I guess it doesn't. Not all the time. But sometimes it does, and that part was stressful." Dave shook his head, remembering how his whole face would hurt for hours after spending time with Katie. "It'd be kind of nice to have a date where I wasn't sweating bullets from anxiety the whole time."

"Yeah." Mindy agreed quietly. "Do dates come before love?"

"Well, you generally go on dates with someone to figure out if you like them. But dates don't always come first. Sometimes two people get close without ever going on a date, and by the time they go on a real date, they've already pretty much decided they love each other." He shrugged.

Mindy thought that sounded familiar. "So, what do you think constitutes a date?" A few droplets of water hit the ground around them.

Dave considered the question carefully before answering. "It's pretty much two people enjoying each other's company." That seemed alright. It was probably too broad, but at least it wasn't too traditional.

"Don't they have to be doing something special like seeing a movie or going out somewhere?" Mindy tried to picture herself in a dress in a fancy restaurant. She then imagined Dave in a bowtie, and the corners of her mouth twitched in amusement.

"No. You don't have to do something special for a date." Mindy was glad to hear this; Damon had always told her fancy restaurants were overrated and lame.

Meanwhile, Dave recalled many evenings spent in Katie's company, doing little but making out over forgotten homework. "As long as you're together and you've got some time to yourselves, it counts."

Mindy was silent for a time. This was going well. She had what she needed. Straight from the horse's mouth. Still, her nerves remained.

_No reason to hold back anymore; this is it_. The rain had grown bolder, and she used it as an excuse to stop under a tree. They both rested against the trunk, catching their breath and enjoying the sparse raindrops which filtered down from the leaves above. At length, and with a tone suggesting she'd moved on to a new subject, she spoke again. "You like us being partners, right? What we do together is awesome, isn't it?" She forced an easy grin.

"Hell yeah." Dave answered brightly, flashing her a genuine smile.

"Then..." She licked her lips nervously. "Aren't we on a date?" She gave Dave a look he'd never seen from her before. It was pleading, and it was vulnerable. The sudden change had stunned him into silence. "Haven't we sort of been-" She paused and took a breath. "-dating, for a while?"

Dave quickly realized that this question definitely needed an answer, and that he shouldn't take too long in providing one. "I guess... by that definition, we are. But the thing about dating is that you both have to agree to it."

Mindy's chest began to burn, and her entire body seemed to deflate. Her eyebrows fell inward while her eyes flicked to Dave's shoes.

The look on Mindy's face made Dave realize the awful implications of his statement. It was a preemptive rejection. Regardless of what he'd meant, that was what had come out. He immediately ached to take it back. "Whoa, hang on. That... came out wrong." His mind was racing with the effort of trying to wipe that look of stony disappointment and confusion off her face. "I'm just saying we never talked about it. We can talk about it."

Mindy had latched on to his invitation, and words poured from her in a way that mirrored the uncertainty and hope on her face. "It's just... when you said what you thought love was, that's how I feel about you. And your definition of a date..." She entreated him, desperately hoping he would understand the conclusion she'd drawn; they were his words, after all.

"I understand." Dave nodded quickly. "Are you saying you want to-" He'd been about to say 'go on a date,' but then realized that they'd just established that they were sort of already on one. "-be more than friends?"

"It makes sense, doesn't it?" The hope was even more evident in her voice. "We're already... partners..." She trailed off. "Am I really that bad?" Her expression was pained and surprised.

"No! Not at all. It's just that if we wanted to be together like that... it presents some problems." He sighed. "None of which are your fault!" He added quickly. Mindy let out a weary sigh. "Have you been thinking about this for a while?" He asked softly. The words were almost lost in the sound of the rain on the foliage. Mindy nodded, not making eye contact.

Dave realized that he needed to throw a bit more of himself into this to reassure Mindy that she hadn't just made a mistake. He decided a hand would suffice, and grabbed one of hers, squeezing her fingers lightly. Mindy looked up at him, an unformed question her eyes. "I'm not saying no." He assured her. "Can I think about it for a while too?" Dave asked.

"Yeah." Mindy nodded. That seemed fair. "But keep holding my hand. I think I like it." She smiled faintly.

Dave obliged, and despite the fact that he should be panicking over the yawning age gap between them, he couldn't help getting a little lost in her touch. He'd taken Katie's hand many times, and this felt just as right, maybe more so. The size of the hand in his was the only difference.

**Let me know how you think I did with Mindy's confession. I'm hoping I handled it pretty realistically without making it boring or cringe-worthy.  
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**Both Dave and Mindy's new weapons are technically feasible for the costs Shiro quoted. Believe me, I've done my research. Incidentally, I'm probably on some kind of government watch list now. :P**


	8. Chapter 8

**I've been afflicted with wrist pain. Yeah, I was writing _that_ much. I have 8500 more words of this story written, just not... in order. But the words are there! I have such grand plans! This chapter was slow going though, due to the gimp hand and a work schedule that suddenly turned awful.**

**Please review! I do love me some reviews.**

**The Look**

"So, are you leaning toward 'yes', or leaning toward 'no'?" Mindy wheedled yet again.

"Every time you ask that, I'm leaning away from you." Dave answered wearily. He tempered his response with a smile to show that he wasn't serious. She really was overdoing it, though. She'd asked the same question – though never worded the same way twice – many times now, and it was beginning to grate on him. Then there was the guilt of keeping her in suspense. It was a stressful time for Dave.

"OK." She laughed nervously. The last thing she wanted to do was lose any ground. "So, I've been thinking..." Dave shot her a look. "About work!" She clarified, putting her hands up defensively. "We're going to run out of grenades one day. And I really don't think we should count on finding any more. I don't know where Daddy got them, and they're a bit of a specialty item – not on the average gang's shopping list. We might need to make some if we want to keep using them."

"How hard do you think that would be?" Dave asked with trepidation.

"I don't think we're going to be able to match the quality of the real ones. But maybe we could make something that's just nasty in a different way. People make pipe bombs - we could do something like that." She appeared excited at the prospect of homemade explosives.

"Nasty in a different way..." Dave mused. "Hmm. Without being cops, could we get our hands on tear gas grenades?

"No way." Mindy shook her head.

"Are they really hard to make?"

"I have a recipe around here somewhere." Mindy replied impishly.

"Household materials?" Dave asked hopefully.

"Technically." She hemmed.

Dave liked the idea. Tear gas was non-lethal and would definitely give them the upper hand. "Would it disperse as well as SWAT-grade stuff if we put the proper time and effort in?"

"I don't know." Mindy shrugged. "I'd have to test it."

Dave rubbed his chin thoughtfully. "I wonder if you could piggyback it on one of those smoke bombs you can get from fireworks companies. Let the smoke plume deliver it, you know?"

Mindy nodded appreciatively. "Maybe. A better alternative might be compressed pepper spray bombs."

"They _have _those?" Dave winced. Mindy nodded with a slightly manic grin. "That sounds more like riot control. We just need an advantage over everyone in a room. Seconds before we enter, we throw it in, put on some goggles, and we shit on their parade. I think I like the tear gas idea better. Pepper spray would still burn the rest of you, right?"

Mindy rolled her eyes. "If bare skin was exposed, goggles wouldn't save you from tear gas OR pepper spray. You'd need a gas mask."

"Oh." Dave exhaled, slightly disappointed. "I thought tear gas just made your eyes water." He muttered. "OK, let's say you have a gas mask. Any gaps in your armor are still going to get spicy if you use pepper spray, right?"

Mindy appeared thoughtful. "_If_ bare skin is exposed. It typically won't go through clothing, I think. Our new armor should cover a lot, and we'll have a base layer under it, but that still leaves our faces..." She trailed off thoughtfully. "I suppose we could work around that somehow."

"Hmm. So what do you think is the _best_ way to cripple whoever's in a room before blitzing them if you only have civilian means? The pepper spray bomb?" He asked.

"Well, the tried-and-true answer is to make a homemade flashbang out of gunpowder and magnesium powder." She answered simply.

"What about people who aren't looking at the device when it goes off or who know to shield their eyes?"

"That's where the gunpowder comes in handy. There's still a shockwave. It's loud as fuck - enough to disorient them. Alternatively you could put bits of screws and bolts in to shred and disorient the people who weren't looking at it." She mused.

"Ooh. Shrapnel bomb." The destructive child in Dave was intrigued.

"Shrapnel _flashbang_." Mindy corrected smugly. Then she gasped, suddenly inspired. "NO! Shrapnel flashbang _pepper spray bomb_!"

"Jesus." Dave hissed. "Can you even fit that many nouns in one can?"

"Fuck yeah, we can!" Mindy cheered. She hopped from one foot to another in excitement. "They'll have SPICY WOUNDS THAT THEY CAN'T EVEN SEE!" She swung her fists wildly, half-crazed with happiness. "This is gonna be awesome." She sighed dreamily, collapsing backward onto Dave's bed.

"But what do we call it?" Dave laughed. The Zeus Knuckles had started them on a kick of finding fun names for the things they designed.

"Hmm. Hookers and Blow? _'It's like a party in a can!'_" She suggested.

"That's not really on-message, is it?" Dave reminded her.

"Hmm." Mindy shook her head. He was right; they didn't really advocate the use of either. "The Killjoy?" She suggested.

"Eh." Dave held a hand out flat and seesawed it in a gesture of non-commission. "Kind of weak."

"The Batcan?" She offered.

"Not exactly original." Dave wryly remarked. He sighed. "A shrapnel... flashbang... with pepper spray. Hmm." They were silent for a while, lost in thought.

Suddenly, Mindy sat bolt upright. She looked as if she'd seen the end of the universe - her eyes focused on some distant point, awed, yet humbled. "I've got it." She said softly, eyes now shimmering with reverence. She got up and walked over to Dave, looked him straight in the eye and made sweeping gestures with both her hands, putting them side by side and then drawing them apart, forming an invisible arc in the air as she spoke the words. "The Spicy Flashbang Surprise."

The brilliance of the name struck Dave like a physical blow. "Yes!" He hissed. He leapt to his feet, striking a heroic pose and pointing to his bed as if he'd caught it robbing a bank. "Yield, criminal scum, or face the painful, home-cooked justice of the _Spicy Flashbang Surprise!_" He boomed.

"I love our job." Mindy giggled. "We should have been supervillains."

"This seems more like a terrorist sort of thing." Dave argued. He knew Mindy wasn't serious – villainy wasn't in their character.

"Pfft." Mindy waved a hand dismissively. "Terrorists don't have style. Supervillains have style. The Spicy Flashbang Surprise _oozes_ fucking style." She insisted. "And pepper spray." She added as an afterthought.

"Alright then, we're supervillains." Dave chuckled, taking a seat again. "Oh, we've got an email from Shiro." He was silent for a beat, then laughed. "_KA, _c_an you send me a picture of your hand next to a metric ruler? Glove size would be nice, too. Does HG have any preferences on blade geometry? This is the shape I'm considering as of now. Also, can I get both your boot sizes and model numbers? I'm pretty sure I can cover your feet too. I'll be able to park a car on your foot and you won't feel it."_

"Oh, Shiro. Love that guy." Mindy shook her head and smiled. She then set to work on a revised sketch of the blade she wanted on her gauntlet.

* * *

><p>Later that evening, their technology expert and coordinator arrived. "Hey guys, friendly neighborhood net-dweller here with news and pimp-ass gadgetry. Which do you want first?" Marty asked.<p>

"Let's go with news." Mindy replied.

"Good news or bad news first?" Marty countered.

Mindy looked to Dave for input. He merely shrugged. "Good news, I guess." She decided.

"Your hero database entries have been updated." Marty smirked.

"Anything accurate?" Dave inquired apprehensively.

"If there was anything accurate, it wouldn't be good news, would it?" Mindy pointed out.

"True!" Marty confirmed, pointing at Mindy. "Nah, it's just some new Chuck-Norris style facts and the usual sea of conjecture. Nothing stands out, but I figured you'd get a laugh out of the new 'facts.'" He sat down in front of the computer and pulled up the Hero Hunt database. "Here's the new stuff."

_Hit Girl was raised by sewer wolves_

_Hit Girl is a government experiment _

_Hit Girl is the spirit of a murdered child who came back for revenge_

_Hit Girl has shot several men in Reno, mostly for illegal parking_

_Hit Girl makes a living as a hibachi chef_

_Kick-Ass and Hit Girl are from the future_

_Kick-Ass was once seen lifting a car over his head_

_Kick-Ass is a monk who has trained himself not to feel pain_

_Kick-Ass is actually 7 feet tall, but only grows to his full height when a potential mate is nearby_

_Kick-Ass doesn't blink_

"Damn." Dave sighed. "Yours are always way cooler than mine. Government experiment? Sewer wolves? I can't compete with that." He protested. "I just get lame dick jokes."

"I thought that one was pretty good." Mindy shrugged apologetically, though she really didn't appear sorry at all. "I think my favorite is the Reno one."

Dave, meanwhile, was still looking at the page. Something had changed. "Didn't we have separate entries before?"

Marty nodded. "Yeah, but they've taken to merging confirmed duos together. Especially if they're never seen apart. Bronx Bomber and Babe Ruthless have a joint page, too."

"So how about the bad news?" Mindy prompted. She knew Dave would just roll his eyes if she tried to gloat over the fact that the public had placed them together.

"Well, if you believe these videos, there's a hero exterminator out there somewhere." Marty searched the phrase '_goodbye nurse' _and proceeded to click the first result, which was a video.

A young woman dressed in black appeared, bound to a chair. She wore elaborate face paint which created the effect of pitch-black wingprints on her cheeks. Her eyes appeared to be focused on a point beyond the camera. Someone spoke. "Please state your name for the folks at home." It was a feminine voice, and it was maliciously cheerful.

"I'm the Blackbird." The bound hero replied acidly.

"No." The disembodied voice lilted. "I don't think your parents named you _Blackbird._" She chortled. "Tell us your _real_ name."

"No." Blackbird sneered. "I don't need any other name."

"But that's the silly thing, isn't it? You're not some goddess with the power of flight. You're not special. You're just a person. Somebody would miss you if you were gone, hmm? I know you have a name. Who will miss you tomorrow?" The voice had grown more insistent.

A white-clad figure walked into the frame and circled behind Blackbird, running a hand through the bound woman's hair. Blackbird wrenched herself away from the touch, eyes still stoic and defiant. The girl in white now addressed the camera. "I'm Goodbye Nurse. I… _rehabilitate_ people who suffer from hero syndrome. It's a dangerous sickness, and it seems like it's catching." She leaned down to study Blackbird, examining one of her elaborately made-up cheeks. "Why do you suppose this woman does what she does? I can't imagine what she thinks she'll accomplish. We have the police to protect us, and the police are armed for the job - trained for it."

"I do it because the world needs heroes. The police can't do everything, especially when some of the cops are criminals themselves." Blackbird snarled.

"Maybe the world needs heroes." Goodbye Nurse put her hands up in mock defeat, smiling indulgently as if listening to the logic employed by a child. "But what makes you think it needs _you,_ specifically? You would have made a mistake eventually – you're only human. You made one tonight!" She pointed out in amusement. "So, isn't there _someone_…" She began. "Who _loves _you…" She sauntered behind the camera again. "And who will miss you when you're gone?"

The defiant and bored look in Blackbird's eyes suddenly disappeared and was replaced by fear. "What are you doing?"

"Proving a point." The voice answered tersely. A shot rang out, and the muzzle flash turned the whole dimly-lit room a blinding white. The video was over.

"Hmm." Mindy read the description under the video. "_What I'm doing is in the interest of public health. Costumed heroes are sick, disturbed people. They often mean well, but they're a danger to others. Most of all, they're a danger to themselves. They feel bound by duty, but they're not. They have no right or calling to do what they do. Some are roped into a dangerous lifestyle by others, or convince themselves that they're invincible. I'm here to remind them that they're not. Even if that means executing a few to get my point across. Put the costumes away - increase your lifespan. It's that simple. Return to the people who love you."_

"So the implication is that she killed her." Dave sighed. "How many others are there like this?"

"Four, last time I checked." Marty replied. "Spaced evenly, always a week apart, always with the same description. A lot of people are calling bullshit on it, but I figured you guys would want to see for yourself."

"Yeah, looks fake to me. And even if it's not, these are pretty unknown heroes, right?" She directed her question to Marty. She would have heard about it before now if well-known heroes were involved.

"All completely unknown before their execution videos." Marty confirmed.

"Right. So _if_ it's legit, they were bad enough to get captured by this bitch in the slutty nurse outfit. Not exactly professionals, are they? I'm not gonna worry about it." She said dismissively.

Dave could see where Mindy was coming from. They'd seen videos of fake heroes with amazing special effects before. People staged battles and edited in blockbuster-quality magic afterward. It was also true that they had bigger, more concrete threats to worry about. The look in Blackbird's eyes at the end made him wonder, though.

"Then there's the mayor." Marty moved on. "There's a price on both your heads." He said with false cheer.

"Awesome." Dave said dully.

"That actually _is_ pretty awesome, though." Mindy nudged Dave cajolingly. "Makes our lives more difficult, but it's still a point of pride."

"I'd call a fifty thousand dollar reward for tips leading to the capture of Kick-Ass or Hit Girl a point of pride." Marty agreed. "That's... certainly not pocket change. If I didn't love you guys so much, I might be tempted to send you up the river myself." He clapped Dave on the back. Dave rolled his eyes. "Come on, man. You know I'm kidding. Mindy would evade capture and kill me before they could sentence you anyway."

"It's true." Mindy nodded.

Marty opened another tab and brought up an article in the Times. "Anyway, here's the word from the mayor on costumed heroes: _'__It's a circus operating without a permit. I've spoken with the NYPD about the situation. There's no room for costumed vigilantes in New York City.'"_

"That's funny." Mindy smirked. "We seem to fit just fine."

"We've fit so far, but if they're offering a reward all of a sudden, we're going to have to be more careful than usual." Dave sighed. He didn't need to look at Mindy to know she was nodding in agreement.

With news out of the way, Marty moved on to gadgetry. "Check it out. New phones. I got the biggest extended batteries I could find, and I've spent days tweaking them for speed and power efficiency. They _fly,_ and they should last through at least 5 hours of incredibly heavy use. Can you have your armor guy put slots in your gauntlets for them?"

"Sure." Dave muttered distractedly and began drafting an e-mail to Shiro.

"Alright, now to the cool shit. You know how I gave you a bunch of rules for your current phones?" Marty had indeed offered a specific set of instructions that had to be followed for security purposes. They communicated with one another only via VOIP, and contacted the police only via SIP numbers which Marty had to change manually on a regular basis.

"Yeah." Mindy nodded.

"Kiss the complicated crap goodbye. ALL of the traffic in and out of your new phones is anonymized. There's pretty much no chance of anyone getting an IP for either of you. They won't even know what carrier you're on. And if they didn't know you were in New York already, they wouldn't even know what _country_ you're in." Marty crossed his arms over his chest and celebrated his achievements with a look of deep self-satisfaction.

"Does it have the police scanner app?" Mindy asked.

"Yes, it has three different ones." Marty rubbed his forehead wearily while Dave looked on in amusement. "You're welcome, by the way, for getting you the kind of secure lines the friggin' _military_ would use."

"Thank you, Marty." She droned with exaggerated insincerity.

"It's not as if we don't pay you." Dave pointed out.

"And again, I thank you for that." Marty took a humble bow. "You're a true patron of the arts. I just wish I could tell my parents that I _was_ getting rich dicking around with phones all day. By the way, I haven't told you about the party piece on these things yet. Separate ROMs for civilian life and hero life!" He crowed.

"You can use them as your personal phones by rebooting and selecting the secondary ROM. Both ROMs have to be decrypted on each boot, so even if someone steals the phone from you, they can't see your other identity. And I know you can't afford to be using a PIN in the heat of the moment, so you can disable that at the beginning of patrols. Then, if you _do_ lose the phone, I'll know immediately and I'll be able to remotely lock and wipe it. Whoever's holding the phone gets nothing. No Dave or Mindy, no Kick-Ass or Hit Girl. Just an unlock screen... for which they have no code!" He finished smugly, clearly quite proud of himself.

Dave was impressed. "I like it. I'm not sure I'm comfortable replacing our personal phones with them, but I like having the option."

* * *

><p>It was late. Marty had left a while ago after training them on the new phones. They had to be up for school in seven hours.<p>

"Are you really sure I have to go?" Mindy asked petulantly, scuffing her shoes against the carpet.

"Yeah. I know you want to stay, and I kind of want you to stay..." Technically, she could. It was possible. They could leave for school together tomorrow. She had her homework and a change of clothes with her. "But we can't." He was getting pretty tired of the daily internal struggle over decisions like this.

They'd had this conversation before. Dave had insisted that he would not treat Mindy differently during his period of consideration. Unfortunately for Mindy, he had also insisted that they avoid having any more sleepovers, at least until the issue was settled. Mindy protested this, citing the fact that Marcus was likely to ban her from doing it anyway if they decided to date, and pointing out that they should take advantage of the privilege while they still had it. Dave had reminded her that such a plan would not endear him to Marcus, and would therefore be counterproductive. He had then given her one of his sardonic smiles and told her that she'd have to try harder than that to get into his pants. That backfired, however, when she enthusiastically declared that she actually _would _try harder, effective immediately.

"You're just worried I'll molest you in your sleep." Mindy muttered. "Alright." She sighed. She gathered her bag and prepared to leave, stopping to give Dave a hug. This was something new – as of the confession, anyway. Their goodbyes had been a little more drawn-out since that day, and had started to include hugs instead of fist bumps. And the hugs were getting longer. The last few times, he'd been certain she was trying to breathe him in, and tonight was no different. The slight whistle of her nose was a dead giveaway that she was drawing an unnecessarily large breath, getting one last lungful of him for the road. It made his heart ache to keep her in limbo like this, but it was a serious decision, and he wasn't going to rush it. "Night." She said quietly, and began her journey home, leaving Dave alone with his thoughts.

While Dave was doing his best not to treat Mindy any differently, she was doing her best to sweeten the deal for Dave, as it were.

Dave didn't tell her, but it may have been working. Mindy's attempts to win him over were cute, occasionally annoying, often touching, and sometimes – he worried – effective_,_ in spite of the resolution he'd made to rise above them. Or it may have been that he was allowing himself to look at her differently – as a potential mate rather than a friend and partner. That was probably the biggest change he'd undergone.

Mindy was beautiful – he'd known that on some level as long as he'd known her. He just hadn't allowed himself to dwell on it until now. She was also the strongest force in Dave's universe. He trusted her to get things done, to do the right thing (though she sometimes concluded that the right thing required a little murder), and to do what was best for him. She'd done that many times. She did things that frightened or frustrated him in the field, but in the end he was always glad she'd put him through it.

Mindy was also in the strange position of being Dave's biggest champion and biggest critic at the same time. She called him out for being a pansy sometimes, but she didn't actually fault him for it. She didn't do it to make him to feel bad about himself – she was waiting for him to either fix the problem or tell her to fuck off. Dave theorized that Mindy did it because she cared.

His phone buzzed, and he picked it up, unlocking it to find a text from Mindy. _Just passed an old lady on a bike carrying ONE crutch. She was laughing her ass off and whacking parked cars. WTF? _He laughed. She would often talk to him on her way home.

He tapped out a reply. _Lol nice. Maybe it's some new parking enforcement program._

Dave thought back to the trap he'd set for himself when Mindy had asked him what he thought love was. He went down the list as best he could remember.

He admired Mindy. He wanted her to be happy, and he missed her if they went too long without seeing one another. She was right. If he believed his own rambling definition of love, he was smitten. But what would happen if they really went through with this? They already shared so much – scars, stories, hopes and ideals – he really wasn't sure what would change if they were officially dating, aside from certain physical pursuits. Of course, there was the troubling fact such physical pursuits would be against the law.

He'd come back to that later.

So what he had was a female best friend who was attractive and wanted to date him. Hadn't that been the stuff of dreams for him a couple of years ago, before he finally gave up hope that such a thing would simply fall into his lap? Then again, Mindy hadn't _fallen_ into his lap, per se. It was more as though she'd jump-kicked his lap and then challenged him to a sparring match for the privilege of being her friend, which he'd survived. Regardless of the ferocity or nature of the impact of Mindy-on-lap, there she was: his beautiful best friend who wanted more.

Dave began to wonder if turning her down would just kill him. Before Mindy's possible anger even became a factor, he might actually die of frustration at the idea of letting such a wonderful, potentially _perfect_ thing go just because of the age gap or some vague worry about Mindy's barely-there innocence.

After a while, he had forgotten why he was even trying to ignore Mindy's antics. He had no idea why he'd ever tried to stop her hands from wandering when she examined his shoulder and guided him through his physical therapy exercises (which he was perfectly capable of doing himself). He had vague memories of trying to keep her from helping at all, though they seemed to belong to a distant era – an era of which he had only the haziest memories. What really disturbed him was the fact that it had only been a few weeks. He was clearly losing his grip.

Similarly, he honestly couldn't remember what justification he'd had for trying to keep the petite girl out of his lap during their internet research sessions. One such session occurred only a few days ago and had lasted well into the night, leaving them both drowsy and relaxed. Mindy had ended up on Dave's lap (as she always seemed to these days), and had, at one point, fixed Dave with a look that rattled his sleep-starved mind. Her eyes were half-lidded and so close that he almost couldn't keep her in focus. She smiled a smile he'd never seen before. It seemed to say _'I like this, and I like you - enough to do this forever.'_

It was a very subtle expression, but its impact was something he remembered vividly the next morning and every day since then. After some consideration, he concluded that a little girl couldn't _give_ a look like that. It would have looked funny - out of place. A little girl wearing that look would've made him laugh; only a woman would've made him nervous. That night, when the two of them were perched on his chair and she hit him with that _look,_ he'd felt a bubbling rush in his stomach, as though he was falling. He wasn't quite sure what would happen when he hit the ground. Maybe he already had.

**Bronx Bomber and Babe Ruthless are property of TorontoBatFan.**


	9. Chapter 9

**Not a lot of action, here. It's mostly talk, but as the chapter title would indicate, I think it's the good kind. I've had most of this written for a long time. I just needed to stitch it together. I spent a lot of time on the conversations in here, and I hope that shows. Please review and let me know what you think!**

**Good Talk, or The New Mission**

The next day found the young heroes running through the park by Dave's house. Dave bounded along behind Mindy, watching her rise and fall with short, even strides as she always did when she ran.

She'd been center-stage in his mind for weeks. There was no escaping it. He loved her. He wanted her, and she wanted him. He really didn't know what he was waiting for. The situation wasn't going to change within a reasonable time-frame. Mindy would still be underage, he would still be a legal adult, and they would still be the same people (as far as he knew) for the next four years. It was just a matter of whether or not he could accept those things, not whether he could somehow change them.

Ultimately, Dave decided that if he offered her as many chances to back out as possible, he could justify granting Mindy's wish.

"Can we slow down a sec?" Dave huffed.

"Sure." Mindy slowed to a walk and Dave fell in step beside her.

"So, I've thought about it, and I guess... I love you, too." Dave said cautiously.

"You sound thrilled." She gave a hollow laugh. "Is loving me really the end of the world? Would you rather be in love with a girl who's old enough to buy superglue? Is the ability to buy superglue a deal-breaker?"

"No-" Dave began.

Mindy cut him off. "I kinda thought my ability to score piles of guns and money would balance it out." She muttered, trying to cover her apprehension with a joke.

"It's not the end of the world." Dave assured her. "I just wonder if maybe I'd be... keeping you from something. Some dude your age who could go on a date with you without attracting dirty looks."

"Tell me what I have in common with guys my age, Dave." She schooled her face to rapt attention, clearly holding back a smile. "I'm _very _interested to hear this."

Dave sighed and kneaded his forehead. "OK, fair point. But are you really sure you want _me, _specifically?" There was a trace of desperation in his voice.

"Yes!" She insisted, throwing her arms up in exasperation. "I can't even _imagine _someone better for me than you."

"Well, to be fair, you don't exactly know a lot of people. And maybe you just have a shitty imagination." He offered, giving her an innocent smile. Mindy flipped him the bird, but there was no real anger in the act. She sighed and moved closer to him, taking his hand.

"You seem pretty hesitant about this. Are you _sure_ you love me?" She asked earnestly. "Don't tell me you do just to let me down easy or something." Her eyes flicked between the ground and their joined hands, avoiding Dave's face.

"Believe me, I'm sure." Dave squeezed her hand. "But why do you love _me_? I feel like I've got an unfair advantage in this, since you don't hang out with anyone else."

"We understand each other." She looked up at Dave directly, running her thumb over the back of his hand, trying to communicate the depth of their connection without resorting to a rambling speech. "We do this hero thing together - as a team." She paused, struck by a thought which she felt would aid in her argument. "I admire you for being a hero."

"I was hardly a hero before you found me." Dave cut in. "I was a punching bag. I've recently graduated to meat shield." He began to lead her off the path, gently pulling her toward a nearby tree, smirking at the sensation of deja vu. He rested against the trunk while Mindy regarded him dubiously.

"Every hero has an origin story, Dave." She insisted. "Tell me yours again." She didn't even let him begin, electing to tell it herself. "You decided - _by yourself _- that you weren't going to take any more shit from the world. I was raised to be a hero." She splayed a hand over her own chest. "You _decided _to be one." Her tone was reverent. "That makes you at least as strong as me."

Dave looked down at Mindy's slender frame and smiled wryly. "Well, neither one of us is going to win any strongman competitions."

Mindy stepped closer to Dave and gently laid a hand over his heart. "You're ripped where it counts." She smiled lopsidedly, satisfied that she'd gotten her point across. "You got stabbed and run over, but you got up and tried again." She moved her hand to his left shoulder, skimming the scar. "You got _shot _and you didn't even think of giving it up." Dave let his own hand rest over Mindy's, covering it entirely, silently telling her she could leave it there. "You're either stronger than you think, or you're the same kind of crazy as me." Mindy concluded. Dave thought she was finished, but suddenly something else occurred to her. "It doesn't even matter which one, since I find both of those attractive in a man." She smirked.

"You're a good guy. You want to help people – probably a lot more than I do." She admitted. Her eyes softened. "You put up with some crazy girl who works you like a dog and almost gets you killed sometimes." She added quietly. "And you're cute." She finished with a shrug, her tone a little lighter.

"Well, those are mostly true, except for the last one. We'll have to get your eyes checked before we patrol again." He smiled, running his fingers along her arm.

"You Jews and your self-deprecating humor." Mindy said fondly. Dave just glared.

There was silence for a moment while Dave tried to figure out what to say next. Mindy began to pace in a little circle in front of him. "So we've established that we love each other and you still want to be together." Dave nodded to himself stoically. He hadn't expected her to back out on that – she'd made her feelings quite clear. He tried another tactic. "So, you aren't worried about the age difference?"

Mindy heard the '-because I am' loud and clear, even if it was left unsaid. She stopped pacing and faced him, crossing her arms over her chest in defiance. "No. Are you worried a lynch mob will get you? There are plenty of _actual_ skeezy motherfuckers for people to lynch. Are you worried you're going to do emotional damage to the costumed vigilante who lost her parents to mobsters?" She asked condescendingly. "I think you're much more of a positive influence in my life than a negative one. Besides, if I handled all that, I'm sure I can handle some _boy problems_."

"I don't doubt that you can handle it." He assured her. "But we also need to think about how people will react." Dave explained hesitantly. "It's against the law, for one thing."

"One, since when did we care what people think?" Mindy deadpanned, holding up a finger. "Two, since when did we care about _laws_?" She laughed. "You've watched me kill, like... fifty people!" She hissed quietly. "And it's not like we're gonna bang in public with a sign that says 'She's jailbait!'" She shook her head at the image. "Besides, if you're _that_ worried about it, I could just get myself a new identity. I could be 18 in a couple of weeks! I don't care what my name is, as long as we're together." She said simply. From anyone else, it would have been symbolic gesture. Coming from Mindy, it was a sincere offer.

"I like your name, though." Dave insisted. "You shouldn't have to give it up. And when I say 'people,' I mean the people we know. Marcus and my Dad. What the hell is Marcus going to do when you tell him that you're risking your life with me _and_ dating me?" He couldn't imagine it going well.

"He thinks you're good for me!" Mindy cried, throwing her hands up impatiently. "You help me with my homework, and we do normal stuff together!"

"I think he'll see a difference between us being best friends and us being a couple." Dave said doubtfully.

"Yeah. We'll hang out, but we'll be kissing and stuff. It's not a huge difference from what we do now." She argued.

"Not huge, but still important." Dave allowed. "We would have to approach him carefully. And then there are guidance counselors and teachers who probably have to report stuff like this if they hear about it."

"Then we won't let them hear about it." She decreed. "It's not like I talk to anyone at school. And if someone does hear about it, they'll just call Marcus and he'll say 'Yeah, Dave's cool, don't worry about it.'"

"Let's hope Marcus's opinion of me is really that high. I'm not holding my breath though." Dave muttered.

"He'll be OK with it. Wait and watch." Mindy said confidently. "If you're worried about it, we can just talk to him. That way, we can say we tried."

"Tried?" Dave asked.

"Tried to do it with his permission. If he says no, we'll just have to keep it a secret." She clarified.

"Oh. Right." Dave said dully. He wasn't going to go into the problems that would arise when Marcus inevitably found out they'd gone the "secret affair" route.

"It's not just what people will think." He sighed dejectedly as he arrived at his last resort. "I really don't know if it would be a good idea. Maybe we could wait a bit." Dave imagined that this was what a lion tamer felt like on his first day. He felt it was best to lead with a joke. "I mean, you still like Hello Kitty."

"Because it's fucking adorable." She said with absolute seriousness. "Don't even _try_ to tell me I'm not mature enough for this." _Damn_. She'd shut him down already. "Like _you're_ so mature? You laughed your ass off when I used that dead guido's head as a puppet!" She pointed an accusing finger at Dave.

"Well, it was pretty funny." Dave said admitted, chuckling at the memory.

"Exactly! We're not the most mature people in the world." She declared triumphantly. "_But!_ We're mature enough to know we like each other." She appeared to consider something for a moment, then threw her hands up in defeat. "You know what? If Hello Kitty is such a deal-breaker, I will _give it up._"

Dave was flabbergasted. "You'd give up Hello Kitty for me?"

"Yes!" Mindy exclaimed. "You see now how serious I am about this? So my body is a little newer than yours. Enjoy!" She walked a few feet away and struck a pose, cocking her hip out and grabbing it with one hand while casting the other hand skyward like some kind of sexy teapot. "Lucky you! I'll be crazy-hot in a few years, and you can stop feeling bad."

"You're already gorgeous." Dave grumbled.

"That's the spirit." Mindy smiled with quiet satisfaction. She didn't like to see Dave looking so defeated, so she attempted some levity. "Hey, if we're lucky, I might even get some action up here someday!" She gestured to her chest. Her expression turned serious again, though the hint of a hopeful smile remained. She walked back to Dave and grasped the front of his shirt, pulling him close and leaning into him. He was cool and wet with sweat. "My point is, there's no good reason we shouldn't get started right now."

Mindy pressed her cheek to his chest, and Dave gave up.

He wrapped his arms around her - hesitantly, at first, but by the time hand met elbow, his grasp had tightened to something more reminiscent of a boa constrictor.

No matter how much thought he put into his words, Mindy expertly parried them, and then his own hands betrayed him anyway. Such was the power of Mindy's touch. "Besides, do you really think you can wait much longer before you just lose it and jump me?" She asked smugly.

As Dave traced one of her shoulder blades with his fingers, he inhaled deeply. The aroma pouring off of her was warm, flowery, and tinged with sweat. Sweat be damned, it made his head swim. Finally, he spoke. "Probably not." She was right. He wouldn't have lasted another week. "I guess we should talk to Marcus."

"_Sweet!_" She exclaimed softly. Dave could feel her triumphant smile pressed into his chest.

* * *

><p>They were preparing for their first real date.<p>

Dave thought this was a little premature since they hadn't spoken with Marcus yet. Mindy assured him that it would be fine, and that she had a rough plan of how to approach the issue.

Mindy was currently going through her closet, picking out articles of clothing and asking Dave which she should wear. "I don't think it matters. Most of your clothes are roughly the same." He pointed out in amusement. He hadn't exactly agonized over what to wear himself, quickly concluding that a button-up shirt (untucked) and jeans without holes would do nicely. He felt that this fanfare really wasn't necessary, but it was her first date, and if she wanted to make it special somehow, he wasn't going to stop her.

"Roughly the same?" She echoed indignantly. "Bitch, please. _Show you roughly the same_..." She muttered, rifling through her closet in search of something specific. Dave's subtle smile widened a bit. "Aha!" She exclaimed. She clutched the prizes to her chest, hiding them from his view, and slinked into the bathroom in a conspiratorial way. She hummed loudly to herself as she changed behind the mostly-closed door.

The acoustics of the bathroom were such that the sound poured out through the gap in the door, and Dave recognized the tune as "Want You to Want Me." He rolled his eyes and shook his head. _This is the woman you love. _

"Any preferences on underwear?" Mindy's voice floated out of the bathroom.

Dave winced. "Not really a first-date question, Mindy." He explained flatly.

"I know, I'm just fuckin' with ya." She replied. She stepped out of the bathroom. "Ta-da!" She gave a little twirl, then clasped her hands behind her back, submitting herself for Dave's inspection. She'd changed into a black skirt with black hose underneath, but what really got Dave's attention was her shirt. It was a deep purple tank top styled like a corset (though certainly not a functional one) and it appeared to be made of thin denim with black strings zigzagging up the midsection. The hem was trimmed in black lace – a feature which would seem unMindylike without the rest of the outfit for context.

"I don't think I've ever seen you wear that before." He said nervously. The shirt showed off her trim waist and extended just far enough to highlight the curve of her hip. The skirt flared nicely and seemed to hang perfectly, in the way that skirts often do.

Mindy smiled confidently. "So what do you think?" She asked, crossing back to the closet, where she removed one of her less practical pairs of boots – this pair laced instead of zipping up the side.

"You look good." It was feminine, beautiful, and most definitely still her. "You ready to go?"

Mindy sat on the edge of her bed. "I kinda want to brush my hair first. Maybe you could go down and have the Talk with Marcus while I do it?" She suggested, beginning to lace the boots up with practiced ease.

Dave opened his mouth to respond, faltered, and closed it, narrowing his eyes indignantly. "So that's your 'rough plan?' Toss me down there and see if I float?"

Mindy nodded cheerfully.

Dave rolled his eyes and walked to the door, where he paused. "Any tips?" He asked listlessly.

"Tell the truth like you always do." She shrugged. "We love each other and we want to date." She paused her lacing to offer a supportive smile. "You'll be fine. He likes you, so just be _you_." She advised.

"I'll give that a shot." He said nervously.

Dave found Marcus in the kitchen making himself a cup of coffee. He was preparing for a late shift, it seemed. "Hey Dave, take a seat."

Dave sat. "Mindy and I... uh... wanted to talk to you about something." He remembered that Mindy was absent and corrected himself. "I was sort of elected to do the talking, I guess." He gave a nervous laugh.

"So this is the dating talk, huh? Mindy told me to expect it soon." Marcus kneaded his forehead and let out an incredulous little laugh. "I really hoped she wouldn't put me through this for a few years, but I guess the timetable's always off when it's Mindy."

"Uh, yeah..." Dave began uncertainly.

Marcus rescued him. "So how do you feel about Mindy?"

_That's easy enough, sort of. _ "I like her a lot. She's my best friend. And lately, she's been... encouraging me to think of her as more than that."

"I know." Marcus sighed. "Me and my fat mouth, huh?"

Dave was confused. "Did I miss something?" He laughed nervously.

"I think I may have started this thing. I teased her about you - how you spent so much time together, the kind of stuff you did together. I asked her if you'd set a wedding date yet. I figured she'd have a good laugh, or just balk at it and say 'No way!'" He sighed and rubbed his face again. "Oops." He muttered dully.

Dave tried to contain his laughter at this strange twist of irony. "So... I kind of have you to thank for this?" He asked tentatively.

"I guess so." Marcus shook his head and let out a strangled laugh. He straightened up and tried to get back on topic. "So she's been trying to get you to think of her... _that_ way. Has she had any luck with that?"

That was the least fair question Dave had been asked in a long time. There weren't many acceptable answers. _'Yes, I now stare at the curves I ignored for so long'_ wouldn't work. _'No, she's like a sister to me'_ would be equally useless, as it wasn't the truth. He settled on making it up as he went along. "You know how, when you're with somebody, you tend not to _look_ the way you do when you're single?" He asked.

Marcus blinked. "There are a lot of dudes who do still 'look,' and I'm glad to know you're not one of them. Go on."

"Well, when I met Mindy, I was with Katie. So I wasn't looking. I think that's part of why I didn't see her that way. Then there was the age gap, and... she just didn't seem like the romantic type, you know?" He asked, desperately hoping Marcus would agree.

Marcus considered Dave's words for a moment, then spoke, carefully measuring each word. "I always knew Mindy could love, even after she lost Damon. But I get it." He let out a sniff of mirth. "She wasn't boy-crazy when she came back to me. Just Dave-crazy." He wore a slightly pained smile. "I was OK with it, because..." He trailed off, trying to find the right words. "I figured anything that made her happy... _that wasn't Damon_..." Those last words had cost him something. "Was an improvement." He finished. "You got her to promise she would never patrol alone." He now looked at Dave directly. "I never thanked you for that."

_This is going swimmingly._ Dave thought. "You're welcome."

"So what about now? How do you feel about her now?" Marcus asked.

"I let myself look." Dave replied. "I looked at her, and she's gorgeous-" _Well that was probably a stupid thing to lead with, you moron._

"Always knew she would be." Marcus filled in what would have become an awkward silence, giving Dave a moment to think.

"Mindy is what I look forward to every day. She's so damn smart, it's scary. She's got an iron will, she can take care of herself, she's funny as hell, and she's... _good_ inside." _Oh sweet Christ you did NOT just describe the inside of her! Don't make him think you've been in there!_ "Kind-hearted, I mean." Dave blurted out, trying to recover. Marcus seemed to incline his head slightly as if encouraging him to continue. "I mean, she's the kindest serial murderer in the world." He laughed nervously and tried to reconcile that statement with the things that regularly came out of Mindy's mouth. It didn't seem true. But somehow, in spite of her acerbic wit and dim view of the human race, he had this feeling that Mindy was kind in some way. A thought struck him. "She's kind to _me_." He realized. "She was willing to take on a guy like me as a sidekick, and see the good in me when I was almost worthless in a fight. She sticks around, even though she doesn't get anything out of me but _me_."

"So why do _you_ stick around?" Marcus asked.

"She's amazing. She's my role model - as weird as that sounds. She wants what's best for the world, and she just _takes_ what she wants. She's not content to just _exist_." The word left a poor taste in his mouth. "I'm the same way. We might have taken different paths to get there, but we both reached the same conclusion. We can't just be normal." Dave shook his head. "Not in good conscience."

"But you keep her from risking it all alone." Marcus seemed to be reminding himself as well as Dave.

"Yeah, and I really try to minimize the danger she's in. Fighting crime makes us both happy - her probably a little more than me." He admitted. "We're focusing more on philanthropy and dismantling the drug trade, and we plan ahead like crazy. I just try to make sure she can be happy and safe at the same time." Dave finished dully, feeling as though he hadn't made a very convincing case.

"So you want her to be safe and happy. We're on the same page there." Marcus seemed almost satisfied. "You know a relationship isn't just agreeing and getting along, right? You support each other, too. Of course, I guess you've got that covered already, huh? Probably not a lot of couples who fight crime together." He chuckled.

"Yeah." Dave agreed. It seemed Marcus had answered his own question, but he still felt as though he should respond.

"So you recognize that there's a possibility you'll hurt her?" The older man asked with surprising nonchalance.

"Uh... I know it's a possibility. I really don't want that to happen. I care about her, so I want her to be happy. She pointed out that she's tough - as if we needed a reminder." He smirked. "I'm definitely going to be careful. We'll take things slowly." Dave wasn't entirely sure which things they would take slowly. He could think of a few, but he hoped Marcus couldn't conceive of those particular things.

"That's a good idea - provided she'll let you." Marcus smirked.

Dave couldn't help but laugh at that.

"You know you'd both be in big trouble if anyone found out about a physical relationship between you two." Marcus reminded him.

_Oh God he's conceiving of those things. _Dave nodded.

"Of course," Marcus wore a sour grimace. "You two certainly know how to keep a secret."

Dave didn't say a word, instead holding his breath and hoping the moment would pass. It did.

"You're good for her. You're her link to a normal life. I don't think she's made any friends her age at school, but she has fun with you and your friends. You can't imagine how happy I was the first time she told me you two had a quiet night, but that she had a good time anyway. That was huge." He nodded slowly to himself. "It gave me some hope that she might give this up on her own some day."

Marcus was silent for a little while. "So you guys are getting ready for a date, right?" He finally asked.

"Yeah. If - uh - since you're OK with it, yeah." Dave stuttered.

"Little presumptuous on her part." Marcus chuckled, staring into his coffee for a moment. "Be good to her." He blurted suddenly. "On the other hand, don't let her break your spirit." He smirked.

"I'll try not to." Dave laughed and got up to leave.

"Dave?" Dave stopped and turned his attention to Marcus. "If you hurt her, Damon will haunt the fuck out of you. And if you get her pregnant, I'll find you the biggest, horniest cell-mate Rikers has to offer." He stared Dave down, his expression entirely devoid of humor or jest. He took a sip of his coffee, never breaking the stare.

"Right." Dave said weakly. He wasn't quite sure what to do with that. "Good talk?" He offered as he moved toward the door.

"Good talk, Dave." Marcus confirmed.

As soon as Dave walked into Mindy's room, she was upon him. "Come here." She said softly before curling a hand around his neck and pulling him down to kiss his cheek.

When they parted, Mindy gave him a loving but calculating stare, linking her hands behind his neck. "So... I'm what you look forward to every day, huh?" She asked coyly.

"You were listening?" Dave laughed. That explained the kiss.

"Of course I was. I had a vested interest in the outcome, didn't I? And don't worry, I won't break your spirit as long as you behave." She patted his arm reassuringly.

"And what's your definition of behaving?" Dave asked dubiously.

"I'm sure I'll let you know if you misbehave." She waved a hand dismissively.

That really wasn't an answer, but Dave wasn't going to worry about it.

"For now, you're doing fine. In fact..." She theatrically looked around for some unseen listener. Appearing satisfied, but cautious, she cupped a hand between her mouth and Dave's ear. "Keep it up, and you might just find out how _good_ I am inside!" She hissed fervently. Dave pursed his lips in annoyance and shoved her away, feigning anger at her jab about his Freudian slip. Mindy just looked at the ceiling with angelic innocence.

"I was under pressure! One little mistake." Dave said defensively.

"I know." She reassured him. "You did great. And just so you know, I realize both you guys want me to spend less time in costume." Mindy rested a hand on Dave's chest. "I'm OK with it, as long as I'm spending it with you." She shrugged and offered him a soft smile.

"That's good." Dave drew her in for a hug, leaving enough space between them for Mindy to look up at him. "I hope I can measure up to the excitement of patrol. Didn't expect you to be so ready to cut back." He said with mild surprise.

"I like having a mission. Maybe when we're not fighting crime, this can be our mission." She indicated the scant space between them.

"Sounds pretty good to me." Dave smiled broadly and drew Mindy closer.

They were silent for a while, enjoying the closeness of the embrace.

Eventually, Mindy interrupted the comfortable silence with a little sigh. "You know, that kiss on the cheek earlier didn't count as a first." She mumbled into his chest. "You still owe me a real one."

Dave laughed quietly. "Later."

**Marcus's line was originally "the most rape-happy inmate in all of Sing Sing," but then I looked it up and it seems they don't use Sing Sing much anymore. I suppose accuracy is nice, but I think I still like the sound of the original line better.**


	10. Chapter 10

**Please review!**

**Horizontal**

Before they left Mindy's room, Dave shoved a greeting card into her hands. The front depicted a certain Kryptonian flying through the air with a jaunty smile. It bore the caption, "_I think you're super!"_

"Adorable. This is really how you're doing this?" Mindy crossed her arms and fixed him with the sort of smile one might give a precocious child. "They didn't have Batman?"

"No!" Dave declared indignantly. "Isn't that crazy?" It had surprised him as well. He quickly recovered. "Open it." He softly suggested. He wore an expectant smile.

Mindy opened the card and found that the inside had been re-papered to block out whatever had been there before. It was now blank aside from two short lines in Dave's handwriting: "_Mindy, will you be my partner... in every way?"_

Mindy ran her eyes over the words, then caressed them with her fingers as if trying to confirm that they were real. "Yeah. Partners." She agreed with a thousand-watt grin. She threw her body against Dave's, taking care not to damage the card. "In every way." The ecstatic girl added with relish, voice slightly muffled by Dave's shoulder.

"I thought you'd be happy with that." Dave smiled knowingly, returning her enthusiastic embrace. He had never really worried that she wouldn't like the card. Between Katie and Mindy, he'd learned that confidence was the greatest thing in the world. The knowledge that Mindy already had feelings for him gave him the courage to be himself with her – something he'd never been able to do with those girls he'd crushed on from a distance in the past. There was no strength like the strength gained from being loved.

Eventually, the young lovers parted. Dave's hand found Mindy's and he began leading her out of Marcus's apartment. The young couple said goodbye to Marcus on their way out of the building, assuring him that they intended to have a quiet night.

"So, you cheesy bastard, what's the plan?" Mindy inquired, swinging their linked hands gaily back and forth.

"Well, I figured I'd let you choose." Dave replied. "So what do _you_ wanna do?"

"Hmm..." Mindy stilled her swinging and considered the possibilities. Dinner was a given. But what then? What did she really want?

Mindy thought back to the night she'd fallen asleep on Dave's injured shoulder. Warm, tingly bliss. _How do I get him alone and horizontal? _"How about dinner, then a movie or two in the Lair?" Mindy suggested slyly. The Lair was the nickname for Dave's basement, which also served as their training ground and headquarters. Conveniently, it also had a very comfortable couch.

"Sounds good." Dave agreed, totally unaware of Mindy's ultimate goal.

They made their way to Dave's house, picking up a pizza en-route to be shared when they arrived. After saying a quick hello to Casimir, they went to the basement to pick out the evening's entertainment. Mindy suggested some nonsensical kung-fu movies that could be followed with minimal brainpower (or had plots so inscrutable that they wouldn't bother trying to understand them). Dave countered with Ghostbusters, which Mindy found agreeable. They'd both seen it before, but that suited her needs just fine. She didn't want his attention on the screen anyway.

As they watched Dr. Venkman abuse his position to hit on college girls, Mindy burrowed into Dave's side, leaving no doubt that she wanted his arm around her. He obliged, chastely resting his hand on her waist. _That's good... for now_. Mindy thought. They consumed the pizza slowly, keeping it on the couch at Mindy's suggestion so that they wouldn't have to break contact to get another piece.

When they'd both had their fill, the pizza was shifted to the coffee table. Mindy took the opportunity to lie over Dave's lap, hoping he would take the hint and lie down with her. She looked at him innocently, arms folded under her head, her lower back draped over Dave's legs. He just smirked down at her before slowly keeling over beside her, which prompted the small girl to roll onto her side, tucking her legs out of the way while Dave pulled his legs up onto the couch. When he was comfortable, she stretched out again, allowing their legs to mesh together. They were touching – as nearly as possible - from head to toe. _Tingly bliss - just as planned._

Dave rested his hand on Mindy's stomach, toying with the strings on her shirt and warming her belly through the thin fabric. Occasionally Mindy would reach up to touch Dave's arm, stroking him as he stroked her. They stayed like that for some time, which Mindy enjoyed immensely.

Eventually, after suffering dozens of Mindy's light, affectionate touches, the dam in Dave's mind broke. "Hey." Mindy shifted to face him with curious eyes. "Come here." He murmured. He then took one of her hands and pulled her on top of him. Mindy straddled Dave's lap and slowly leaned into him, melting into his chest while he wrapped his arms around her. Even as she was draped over him, he pulled her closer, coaxing her further up his body until their cheeks could touch. The effect on Mindy was immediate and profound - it was as if all of her guts had turned to warm stew, except for her heart, which she'd never been more aware of. It now thumped so conspicuously that she was sure Dave would notice it.

"Wow." She felt cheated – she'd been missing out on _this_? "I think I understand why this makes people do stupid things. We're not even kissing yet and I feel... amazing. Is this what heroin's like?"

"Probably closer to coke. I've read that it makes your brain think you're falling in love." Dave replied, his voice rumbling in her ear. Mindy could feel his breath on her cheek.

"Do you feel it too?" Mindy asked quietly.

"Yeah." Dave said simply.

Mindy breathed a sigh of mixed relief and happiness. "Seriously, I wish I'd known about this sooner. I would have pried you away from Katie and k-kept you all to myself." She stuttered slightly, struck by an involuntary shiver.

"Ah, but you didn't like me that way yet." Dave pointed out.

"Pfft. I think on some level, I liked you from the day I saw the first video of Kick-Ass." She sighed. "Some girls grow up looking for a prince, I grew up looking for another hero. Just the idea of you got me excited." She smiled and blushed, shaking her head. "I still can't believe I blew you a kiss that first night in your room."

Having heard the blush in her voice, Dave smiled. "I still can't believe I didn't crap myself when I saw you. And I thought it was one of those sarcastic kisses." He teased.

"I thought so too." Mindy replied. She nuzzled Dave's neck. "I was wrong." She was silent for a while, just breathing, running her fingers through his hair while he stroked her back. "So, about the kissing..." She whispered suggestively.

"Is that a request?" Dave asked. She could feel him smiling against her temple.

She scooted up and rested her forehead on Dave's, brushing their noses together. "Let's call it an order."

Dave obeyed. He sat up, taking Mindy with him but keeping her in his lap, having discovered that the position made up for their height difference quite nicely. He cocked his head to the side and brushed his lips against Mindy's, allowing them to linger, giving her time to get accustomed to it. She knelt with a leg on either side of Dave's body, her torso in full contact with his. Mindy brought her hands down from Dave's hair to steady herself, letting them rest high on his chest. She mirrored him, brushing her lips over his, assuming that some movement was probably required from both parties.

After a few more seconds, Dave pulled away, disconnecting their lips with a faint click rather than the cliched smack Mindy was expecting. "Was that OK?" She whispered thickly.

"Did it _feel_ OK?" Dave asked playfully.

"Yeah." She smiled lazily. "It felt good."

Dave returned her lazy smile with a reassuring one. "Then I think we're doing fine." He kissed her again, applying the tiniest amount of suction to her lower lip. When he released it, he sighed, seemingly out of breath. "You make me really happy." He smiled widely and loosely, and although they were too close for Mindy to see his lips curl, she could see the smile in his half-lidded eyes.

"I think you make me even happier." Mindy replied.

"Oh, yeah?" He asked with half-hearted false indignation.

"I can't be sure yet. We'll have to keep kissing." She concluded with a helpless shrug.

"I'm down with that." He kissed her again, this time allowing his tongue to dart over her upper lip. Mindy jumped back in surprise. "Too much?" Dave asked, suddenly worried.

"No." She answered, reaching up to touch her own lips. "It just really tickles. I wasn't expecting it." Her hand fell from her mouth and she smiled shyly. "Do it again."

Dave leaned in and obliged her. This time, the petite girl drew a slow breath in through her nose, fighting the tingling sensation while Dave claimed her. Seconds later, she returned the gesture, finding it a little weird, but pleasantly intimate. Mindy gently pushed on Dave's chest, sending him backward so that they could continue their exploration horizontally. She would later apply the "weird, but pleasantly intimate" description to the more heated and... _wet_ lip-locking that soon followed.

Eventually they both had to come up for air. Recycling breath in the short space between their parted lips, the young lovers soon realized that the movie was over and they'd been listening to the DVD menu looping for quite some time. They both laughed quietly at the shared experience of being lost in each other.

Mindy got up to use the bathroom and Dave took the opportunity to stretch and take the remaining pizza upstairs. Shortly after he returned, Mindy emerged from the bathroom, greeting him with a smile. Not yet ready to sit again, the two drifted into a standing embrace. As Dave gently scratched the top of her head, Mindy pulled away and frowned slightly, giving a troubled sigh. "You know how I said I'd be crazy-hot in a few years and you could stop feeling guilty?"

"Yeah." Dave nodded, inviting her to continue.

"Would it..." She paused, closing her eyes. "Bother you... if I never got any bigger than I am now?"

"No." He answered immediately. He hadn't really taken the time to think about the question. _Would it?_ "Why?" He led her by the hand to the couch.

"It's just..." She trailed off as she sat down next to Dave. "I might be done growing." She idly examined one of her small hands, allowing her eyes to flit over her lower body as well. "I don't know. I just want to make sure you're not counting on me looking different in a few years. I don't want you to set yourself up for disappointment."

"What makes you think you won't get a growth spurt?" Dave asked cajolingly.

"My Mom was short. Tiny, like me. Daddy said I look a lot like her."

Dave knew Mindy's mother had not survived Mindy's birth, but he knew nothing else about her. "She must have been pretty." He said carefully. He didn't know how Mindy felt about her mother.

"You know what Daddy told me about how I got here?" Mindy asked with the ghost of a smile. Dave shook his head. "I asked him right after he got out of prison... what was my Mom like? After he told it the first time, I asked him to tell it again at bedtime. I heard it at least once a week for a while. I still remember it pretty well - it's the kind of thing that sticks with you."

_Once upon a time, there lived a woman called Mommy. She was kind and beautiful, and had captured the heart of the hero called Daddy. They loved each other so much that they came together to make a child. Daddy knew that the child would be strong, because he was strong. He also knew that the child would be beautiful and kind, because Mommy was beautiful and kind. _

_One day, an evil man tore Daddy away from Mommy and the child before Daddy ever got to see her beautiful face. Daddy was kept in a huge fortress by the evil man, who wished to spite Daddy for being good. Losing Daddy was torture to Mommy, who had never been as strong as him. She was beautiful and kind, but ultimately... weak. She did not think she was strong enough to raise and love the child herself._

_It turned out that she wasn't even strong enough to try._

_Mommy couldn't stand being alone, knowing that Daddy was suffering behind the walls of the fortress and wouldn't be freed for many years. So one night, the pain overcame her and she called out for Death to take her away._

_Death takes all kinds of people, and most try to escape him as long as possible. But Death is obliged to answer those who call out to him, even if they want to leave before their time._

_Before Death answered Mommy's call, he came to visit Daddy in the fortress. Death bragged that he was on his way to take Mommy and the child. Daddy was incredibly sad that Mommy was too weak to live without him, but when Death said he'd be taking the child too, Daddy smiled and spoke to Death with great confidence. "No. You may try, but if the child is like me, she will be strong enough to resist you. And if she is like Mommy, she will be so beautiful that you won't be able to take her after you've seen her face."_

_Death only laughed, assuring Daddy that he had never seen anyone so beautiful that he'd left them behind. Death left, and Daddy waited. _

_Hours later, Death returned to the fortress with his head hung low. "You were right." He said grudgingly. "I took your wife, and she came willingly. But I could not take the child. As I went to pick her up, I saw how beautiful she would become, the kindness she would do unto others, and strength enough to live well and evade me for a long, long time." Daddy just smiled knowingly at Death, not at all surprised by his tale of defeat. "I cannot abide not knowing the name of the little girl who bested me, so what will you call her?" Death asked._

_"Mindy." Daddy answered._

_Daddy was sad that Mommy was gone, but very happy that Death had failed to take his little girl. Knowing that Mindy would be cared for and loved even while he was held captive, he counted the days until he could walk free and meet the girl who'd conquered Death the day she was born._

"Mindy." Dave echoed Damon's final word in the story, his voice cracking. All he could do for a moment was stare at her, eyes glistening with unshed tears. "God damn." He said softly.

"Yeah, he could really tell a story. He told me fairytales before he got me into comic books. He made up a lot of fairytales to tell me while he was in prison. That was one of my favorites." She sighed. She hadn't teared up like Dave - she'd heard the story too many times for it to have much effect.

Dave knew the story wasn't true. He knew that _Mindy _knew it wasn't true. It didn't change the fact that the tale had hit him hard, and had made Mindy seem even more precious than before. He didn't believe in fate, but a story like that tempted him to try. Recalling what had brought the story out of her in the first place, Dave set about reassuring her. "If you never grow an inch, I'll be happy. If you never gain an inch up here-" He brushed the back of his hand over her chest just below her breasts. "I'll be happy. You're beautiful the way you are. Don't worry about it."

"OK." She agreed with a sigh. She then wrapped her arms around Dave and leaned into his shoulder, which he took as a cue to slowly fall over backward. With a little adjustment, Mindy was resting on his body, and he was absolutely fine with that. He wrapped an arm around her and closed his eyes.

The next thing either of them knew, Mindy's phone was ringing. She started awake and scrambled to grab it off the coffee table, nearly kneeing Dave in the crotch in the process.

"Hello?"

"Are you on your way home?" Dave heard Marcus's tinny voice. Marcus probably couldn't tell whether Mindy had made it home or not, as he was still working. However, that didn't preclude the possibility that he had some other way of knowing she was late.

"Uh… I'm leaving now." She lied. "We fell asleep, sorry." She said plaintively.

There was silence on the other end. It seemed Marcus was still trying to process what Mindy had said.

"We were watching a movie and we fell asleep on the couch. Nothing shocking, I promise." She clarified.

"Alright." Marcus sighed. "Get home soon. Love you, kiddo."

"Love you too." Mindy echoed. "Bye." She hung up and began putting her boots on, still getting a handle on the fact that she'd fallen asleep on Dave again. It's not like it was incredibly late – but Dave had just been so _comfortable._

The young lovers journeyed upstairs and to the front door where their goodbye kiss turned into an intense goodbye makeout session, which only served to make Mindy more late than she already was. "You should probably go." Dave said reluctantly when they parted for air.

"Probably. But I'm having trouble getting started." She sniffed in amusement.

"If we follow the rules, we'll be better off in the long run." Dave reminded her. "I want to do this again, don't you?"

"Yeah." Mindy sighed reluctantly. "Over and over." She muttered under her breath. "G'night." She rose to her tiptoes and gave Dave one final, chaste peck on the lips, then she was gone.

"Well, that was the best date I've ever had." Dave chuckled drowsily at the closed door. The anxiety and guilt he'd been expecting never came. The evening had been perfect.

Meanwhile, Mindy was doing cartwheels down the sidewalk.

**Hands in the air if you've made out to a DVD title menu before. Yup, that's everyone under 30.**


	11. Chapter 11

**Please review! I'm interested to hear what you think.**

**His and Hers/Naked Weave**

Dave and Mindy's first date had been an obvious success. As a result, it wasn't long before most of their time together was spent in Dave's basement, happily sequestered from the outside world. They'd done the "date" thing a few more times, and Dave still made a habit of picking Mindy up at the beginning of the night. That was how he found himself in her bedroom watching her get ready yet again.

Mindy was fully dressed, having chosen a skirt and a t-shirt. Dave noticed that she seemed to be favoring thinner, more comfortable clothes lately - anything to reduce the barrier between them. As she was already dressed, Dave was surprised when the petite girl sat down at her vanity and cast a look over her shoulder at him. "Hey, wanna help me braid my hair?"

"You really need help?" He asked.

"I've never been very good at it." She lied. "It'll probably go faster if you do it. I can't see what I'm doing."

"I'll give it a shot." He moved to stand behind her. "What do I do?"

"Just get three equal-sized bundles and weave them together."

For several minutes, Dave did as she asked, though with every inch, the weave got messier and veered further off-center. He felt like there was so much hair that there was simply no room for all of it in the braid, but surely Mindy could feel what he was doing. She would say something if he was ruining it.

Meanwhile, Mindy was fully aware that Dave's attempt at braiding would be a total write-off. She didn't care. The image in the mirror kept her spellbound. Watching Dave work on her so gently and with such care was both a comfort and a thrill. His focus was comically intense, and even though he didn't look at her reflection, she enjoyed watching his face in the mirror and knowing that his attention was entirely on her.

The spectacle - beautiful though it was - was easily surpassed by the feeling. To have Dave's fingers brushing against her scalp, trying to school errant strands of hair into order with the rest of the bundle, occasionally stroking her neck just because - it was so intoxicating that she began to feel a bit dizzy.

Eventually, Dave broke the comfortable silence with a proclamation. "It's fucked." He threw his hands up hopelessly. "It looks terrible. I... I didn't incorporate anything from the bottom." He took a step back and gazed upon his embarrassing effort, resting his chin on a fist and trying to figure out where it all went wrong. "How do you..? It's off-center. It's just bad. It looks like I did it in the dark... while wearing mittens. I'm sorry." Dave chuckled and shook his head at his total lack of skill, resting his hands on Mindy's shoulders and meeting her gaze in the mirror.

"Come here." Mindy laughed softly, turning away from the mirror. She hooked a thumb in his collar and pulled him in for a kiss. "I knew it would suck. I just figured you might like to try. Was I right?" She asked knowingly.

"Yeah." Dave smiled. "But I wish I could've done better." He admitted.

"More practice. That's all you need." She said dismissively. "I can do it myself tonight." Mindy gave him one more long kiss for his trouble and released him.

In a few minutes, Dave's work was undone and turned into something quite pretty. With that, they were ready to go.

"So what do you think for dinner?" Mindy asked Dave as they left the building.

"I could go for Chinese." He suggested.

"Sounds good." Mindy smiled, giving his hand a squeeze.

There was some debate over where to _go_ for Chinese, but ultimately it was settled, leaving them well-fed and free to head to Dave's place. After all, the time alone in Dave's basement was the main attraction.

They had stumbled upon a routine which they were eager to continue tonight: Pick a movie they'd both seen; ignore it. Dates weren't about what they watched or what they did - they were an opportunity to enjoy each other's company. So it was no surprise that Mindy soon ended up straddling Dave's lap again, only dimly aware of Men in Black carrying on behind her.

Dave experienced a familiar desire to feel the velvety skin under Mindy's shirt. It was the same desire he'd felt on their previous dates, but tonight he decided to indulge it. After raising the hem just enough to expose a thin band of pale flesh, he ran his fingers over the shallow dimples at the base of her spine. He immediately decided he'd never felt anything softer.

Mindy shivered in his arms again. He slowly drug his fingertips around the belt of exposed skin, arriving at her hipbones, which he traced with loving curiosity. Dave was driving himself crazy with the act of feeling Mindy, but she was going equally mad from Dave's touch. "Can we try something?" She asked.

"What do you want to try?"

Mindy responded by fingering the hem of her T-shirt and raising her eyebrows questioningly.

_Oh. _"Yeah. We can do that." It was all he could think to say. _It's safe enough. It's just a shirt._

Mindy pulled her shirt off, dangling it over Dave's head and then dropping it, smiling and giggling a bit as he shook it off. When the fabric no longer obscured his vision, Dave was treated to an up-close view of Mindy's purple bra and a large expanse of Mindy herself. He went to work on the incredibly soft skin of her shoulder, kissing and biting his way to her neck. He dragged his fingernails up and down her abs, which caused the muscles beneath to spasm and flutter. Dave could hear her breath catching as she tried not to laugh. His kisses trailed downward, reaching the swell of a breast. He could feel a change in the flesh below the velvety skin as he dipped lower - there was more cushion. Yes, it was definitely breast territory.

Mindy let out a nearly inaudible moan. "That feels really good." She sighed.

Dave continued his descent, now following the oblique line of the bra over the small mound it was there to cover, dipping into the valley in the center of her chest. Suddenly, Mindy's hand was on the back of his neck, gently guiding him back to the cushy region he'd just visited. It seemed she had enjoyed his attention there. "Take the bra off." She pleaded quietly.

_Way to go. 'It's just a shirt.' That didn't hold up long, did it? _He was screwed. She felt too good. There was no resisting her. The need in her voice and his own desire to feel her conspired against him, eroding his willpower until '_it's just a shirt' _became '_it's just a bra'_ and he was reaching behind her back to find the hook.

"I will, but everything else stays on, OK?" He whispered as he lifted the bra from her chest.

Mindy just nodded mutely as she grabbed Dave and crushed their bodies together. _So. Much. Touching... Damn he's warm._

Dave stroked Mindy's back for a while, enjoying the new contact, sucking lightly on her neck. Eventually he drew back, finally getting his first good look at a half-naked Mindy. _Small, pink, adorable._ _Beautiful, as always. _While he wasn't surprised, he was still delighted, and he made sure Mindy knew it. He favored her with an adoring smile, which she shyly returned.

He placed his palm over one of her small mounds to deliver a light caress while drawing her in for a kiss. She gasped into his mouth as he touched her where no one else had before.

When they came up for air, Mindy made a suggestion. "You know what you should kiss next?" She prompted breathlessly.

"I have exactly two guesses." Dave chuckled. He gently pushed her over backward and returned his attention to her breasts.

Mindy bit her lip in poorly-contained excitement as Dave raked his teeth over a nipple and drew it past his lips. _Best thing ever!_

For some time, she enjoyed Dave's ministrations on her chest. Eventually, she adjusted to the wonderful feelings, running her fingers through Dave's hair and letting her mind wander. Instead of focusing on the sensation, she began to wonder what Dave was thinking, and came to a troubling realization. _I'm almost totally flat. Dave is used to a girl with an actual __**rack.**_ She loved the feeling, but she couldn't completely lose herself in it while she was comparing herself to Katie. _What if he's just indulging me? I shouldn't make him do this if he doesn't want to._

As he reveled in the taste of her skin - warm and inexplicably sweet - Dave couldn't shake the feeling that Mindy's body was tense for some reason unrelated to his touch. Her hands had stilled in his hair. He pulled away from her, breaking his light suction with a small clicking sound, his brow knitted in concern. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing. It feels amazing. It's just..." She averted her eyes. "You don't have to if you don't want to." She finished breathlessly.

"Why wouldn't I want to?" Dave asked with an incredulous laugh. "In case you haven't noticed, I'm enjoying myself here."

"Well, there's not much there. I know you're used to bigger." She gave a little shrug that tried to be nonchalant, but failed.

"We've been over this." He rolled his eyes, though he still wore a loving smile. "What I'm used to doesn't matter at all." He pressed his head into her chest and drew in a long breath through his nose. "She didn't smell like you." He kissed one of her breasts. "She didn't taste like you. She's not you, and in case you haven't noticed, I love _you -_ every part of you." He ran his thumb along her waist to emphasize his point. "You're _better_ than what I'm used to. Size isn't beauty." He concluded, looking her in the eye.

Mindy smiled warmly. The big sap really knew how to charm a girl. "Carry on, then." She said airily, giving a shrug of false indifference.

Dave continued touching, kissing, and gently biting her sensitive flesh. Mindy had never touched her breasts that way before. She had sometimes kneaded and squeezed them while pleasing herself, but Dave's touches were very different. They were gentle, slow, and somehow intensified beyond belief. She never would have imagined that such light touches could feel so amazing, though it wasn't quite as satisfying as the rough pawing she did in private. She grabbed one of Dave's hands and pressed it over her breast, silently telling him how much force she wanted. Dave took the hint, and she let out a little moan as he applied some pressure.

"What are you thinking?" Mindy asked, forming the words half-consciously. Even through the haze of pleasure in which she'd been floating, she instantly regretted asking that. _Stupid question. What kind of answer do you expect when he's busy nibbling your tits, you silly bitch?_

Dave didn't seem to find it odd though. His reply was almost immediate. "You feel good." He said simply.

"You feel better." Mindy informed him with a wide smile.

Some time later, the young lovers lay wrapped up in one another, drifting drowsily on the edge of slumber. Mindy had put her shirt back on in case Casimir came down, but she'd left the bra off, tucked into the couch somewhere. Their petting had fallen from a boil to a simmer, and now they simply held one another, sharing the occasional caress.

One of the many things Dave loved about Mindy was the fact that she enjoyed being held. She was content to lie with him almost indefinitely, just enjoying the sensation of shared warmth until something pulled them away from the couch. Sometimes, that could take hours. They were some of the best hours of his life.

Katie, on the other hand, hadn't been easy to hold. She was always coaxing him into one thing or another, never content with silence. She'd left him with the impression that love was exhausting. His experience with Mindy taught him otherwise - it was _Katie_ who'd been exhausting.

Mindy was different in that she seemed to recharge him. Every time they had to part ways, he was disappointed, but he also felt as though his personal well of strength had been replenished. She would walk away, and though he didn't like saying goodbye, he would invariably feel as though he could climb a mountain made of live bears and vaseline without breaking a sweat.

_Maybe strength moves through osmosis. _He smiled to himself as he brushed a well-traveled arc from Mindy's temple to the back of her head, tucking a few strands of hair behind her ear. At a leisurely pace, Mindy moved to grasp the hand Dave had used to stroke her, pulling it to her lips so that she could kiss his fingertips. "Love you." She whispered.

"Love you too." Dave replied, stroking her cheek. He really could do this forever.

* * *

><p>Days later, they got an e-mail from Shiro. Their new suits of armor and weapons were ready.<p>

As soon as they could make it work, they found themselves in masks, staring at a familiar garage door, waiting for it to be raised at the appointed time.

A few minutes later, the door came up to reveal a positively triumphant Shiro. "Great to see you again, guys! You're gonna want to strip to your underwear, or whatever base layer you're using-"

"Flame-retardant underarmour." Mindy interjected.

"-and your boots." Shiro finished with a wry smile.

"Underwear... and boots." Dave repeated as he walked inside so that the door could be closed behind them.

"Yup." Shiro nodded, still smiling.

Dave shook his head in silent wonder. As greetings went, that one had been very strange.

"Here we go - his and hers bulletproof composite 'urban vigilante grade' armor." He gestured grandly at the pieces which were strewn about over a work bench and the floor beneath it. The young couple took a brief look at the armor before they got started. The pieces were mostly matte black and gray, but there were occasional strips of green and purple scattered throughout Dave's and Mindy's pieces, respectively. The weave of the carbon fiber beneath was easily visible, and would likely serve them well when it came to blending with the darkness.

The young lovers began to strip while Shiro politely maintained an interest in anything but them. "I'm getting talked out of my clothes a _lot_ lately." Mindy whispered so that only Dave could hear her.

"It was your idea!" He hissed in protest.

"I couldn't help myself." She shrugged innocently. "Then you charmed the bra off me too."

"Sure. That's totally what happened." Dave mumbled sarcastically.

"OK, let me talk you through this as you get it all on." Shiro began. "Start with the chest pieces." Dave did as he was told, sliding the hard shell over his head and cinching the straps that held it together.

"Alright, now we do the upper arm and thigh sleeves." He gestured to four sets of stiff, warped cylinders, which Dave and Mindy slipped on and locked in place using a series of ratcheting buckles.

"Now the gauntlets and shin guards." Shiro instructed. "When you get to the foot guards, make sure the rubber is touching the ground - you want the guards resting on the ground, not the boot. Then tighten the dials on the bottom until they're gripping the soles of your boots well enough to stay in place."

Dave followed Shiro's instructions, finding that the system the older man had come up with was quite ingenious. The foot guards rested on the ground, but with the right amount of pressure dialed in from the sides, they gripped the sole of the boot, moving with the boot as he flexed his ankle. His feet were practically invincible. The same level of protection continued all the way up to his inseam. He had shin guards that extended up past his knee, overlapping with the thigh sleeve. His groin was, regrettably, unprotected, though he understood that it was pretty much impossible to cover his ass and use his legs at the same time. His chest plate was quite impressive, and Dave was happy to find that Shiro had used his idea for flexible tabs that would protect the shoulder area while maintaining freedom of movement. However, there were odd rails and notches on the stomach whose purpose he could not guess. He soon noticed a similar set of rails and notches on the thigh sleeves.

"What are all these things for?" Dave asked, pointing at the features in question.

"That's my custom rail system for weapons and storage." Shiro replied proudly. He crossed to a cardboard box and removed a few pieces of rigid plastic. "Holster goes on the leg, the storage boxes go on the chest plate. I've got the hole patterns and everything written down, so if you guys want something else, let me know and I can make it for you. Kick-Ass, the box on your gauntlet is the battery compartment for the shock glove."

"What are these little slots for?" Mindy asked distractedly as she inspected her chest piece, gesturing to four slots fixed to four different scales on her stomach. Her chest piece was radically different from Dave's in that it was made of dozens of scales rather than two large plates. Her midsection made her look like some kind of shiny purple snake. It was really more beautiful than imposing, but Mindy herself would be imposing enough to make up for that.

"For your throwing knives." Shiro answered. Suddenly it made perfect sense - the size was just right, and the positioning was very convenient.

"Nice!" Mindy exclaimed appreciatively. "Now for the big test." She began walking in a half-crouch, stepping very lightly.

"Checking for squeaks?" Shiro asked, crossing his arms smugly. His tone suggested that the question was rhetorical, and that he was exceedingly proud of himself again.

"Yeah." Mindy said quietly, still creeping along, straining to hear anything that might give her away. Dave thought her creeping was an amusing sight to behold in the well-lit, spacious garage. "Nothing." She whispered with a small smile.

"The foot joints are greased up with silicone oil, and the backing on your scales is super-thin nylon. Nobody will hear you coming." He bragged.

"I gotta say I'm impressed." Mindy ceased her creeping and stood. "Now let's test the actual strength of this stuff."

"I thought you'd want to do that." Shiro said, pulling a lead pipe from a nearby table. He tossed the pipe to Dave, who instead handed it to Mindy.

"Test mine first." He suggested. If this stuff wasn't going to work, he'd rather not find out by breaking Mindy's ribs.

"That's sweet of you." Mindy smiled and took the pipe from him, rising to her toes just long enough to peck him on the lips. She then took a couple of steps back and swung the pipe at his midsection. It connected and Dave took a step back to absorb the impact.

"I feel fine." Dave shrugged.

"You always do." Mindy whispered as she walked closer to inspect him. They liked to keep his nerve damage a secret, as Kick-Ass's legendary tolerance for pain added to the mystique. She found nothing noteworthy on his chest plate. "Nothing. Not even a scratch." The petite girl stepped back and gave her boyfriend a carefully-aimed, forceful whack on his good shoulder.

"I think it's pretty well cushioned." Dave shrugged.

"It's foam and silicone gel. Nice and squishy." Shiro confirmed.

Mindy continued to whack various points on Dave's body, testing his shin guards, smashing his toes, and asking him to deflect her blows with his arms. After deciding that Dave's protection was adequate, Mindy got him to agree to give her a once-over too. He hit her scaly midsection lightly.

"What was that?" Mindy laughed. "Are you bunting?"

Dave rolled his eyes and hit her harder. She stumbled backward a bit. He raised his eyebrows at her, and she silently beckoned him to continue. She blocked his next swing with her arm, sending the pipe to the floor and landing a solid kick to Dave's chest. He rolled backwards, tucking to allow the plates on his torso to absorb the impact. By the time he'd taken a knee, Mindy was extending a hand to help him up.

"Very nice, Shiro." Mindy smiled. She fished around in her bag and handed him a fat wad of bills. "There should be a little extra in there."

"Thank you kindly." Shiro said with a large grin, thumbing through the outlandishly huge stack of bills. "And I'll send some scraps with you if you want to test ballistics for yourself."

"Awesome." Dave shook Shiro's hand as Mindy began to remove her leg guards for the ride home.

* * *

><p>It seemed that Mindy <em>really<em> liked Dave's armor. They'd worn most of it back to Dave's place, hiding what they left on under baggy clothes. It was Mindy's idea. She wanted to get used to it - to break it in. That was the excuse she'd given, anyway.

As soon as they were alone in Dave's basement, she attacked him, possessively pinning him against the wall and then almost immediately trading places, telling him without words that she wanted the same treatment. _Well, that's one way to break it in._ Dave was a little amused at her enthusiasm for his new outfit, but he kissed her all the same, claiming her with a ferocity he'd before never allowed himself to feel with her.

As they kissed and twisted together, rather than the subtle _shoof_ and _swish _of fabric and flesh colliding, their movements were punctuated by _clicks_ and _clacks _as their armored carapaces banged and slid against one another. Dave was dimly aware of the cacophony over the sensation of Mindy's lips on his, and he silently mused that this was probably what sex was like for armadillos.

Eventually, Mindy broke the kiss - possibly for lack of oxygen. "Take my armor off." She commanded breathlessly.

"You want me to unwrap you?" Dave asked suggestively, dropping his fingers from their previous position in her hair to seek out the buckles on her arms.

"It's more like removing my hard candy shell." Mindy giggled quietly.

"So I'm looking for a soft, chewy center?" Dave quipped, chuckling so close to her that his breath tickled her ear.

"Ouch. Better not chew me." Mindy closed her eyes and took a deep, slow breath as Dave knelt to remove her thigh sleeves.

"No promises." Dave murmured, kissing one of her legs just above the knee after sliding the sleeve off.

Soon, Mindy was nothing but cloth and flesh again. She divested Dave of his armor as well, and the two relished the contact they'd temporarily traded for protection.

The young lovers soon moved to the couch, where Mindy straddled Dave's waist so that she could kiss him properly.

"Touch me." She whispered. Dave palmed one of her breasts through her paper-thin shirt, caressing a nipple with the pad of his thumb. Mindy grabbed his hand and gently pulled it away from her chest, instead dropping it in her lap. "Lower." She clarified.

"Are you sure?" Dave asked earnestly. _Offer an easy out._ "There's no rush."

"I know." She answered, kissing him on the lips. After a few seconds and what she hoped was a convincing show of trust, she pulled away. "I'm ready."

"It's just..." Dave gripped her waist, absently stroking her velvety skin in the same way one might fidget with an article of clothing. "I don't want you to regret _anything._ You should be sure it's what you really want."

"If I wasn't sure, I wouldn't be asking." Mindy smiled patiently. She couldn't imagine regretting this. It was so comfortable. So safe. And the ache she felt for Dave's touch was maddening, but also _good_ somehow. She was sure of it. "So, _please-_" Though she spoke quietly, the emphasis was unmistakable. "Touch me."

Dave granted her request. He beckoned her to slip one of her legs over him so that she was seated sideways in his lap. His left hand wrapped around her to revisit a breast while his right hand crept into the plaid valley of fabric between Mindy's skirt-clad legs. With equal parts willpower and desire, he gently pressed inward until he found her center.

"Mnh." She let out an indistinct noise that could have been surprise or apprehension or pleasure. Regardless of what it meant, she held him tighter.

Hesitantly, Dave forged onward, running a finger up and down her surprisingly warm, panty-covered and skirt-clad danger zone. He sincerely hoped this was doing something for her, because he didn't think he could handle seeing her naked yet and he was having a difficult time getting his bearings through two layers of clothing. A couple of minutes passed, during which Mindy's breathing grew more labored and her grip on him tightened even further. _That's probably good. _He rested his forehead against her cheek, closing his eyes and just focusing on the feeling of Mindy in his hands.

Suddenly, the writhing, huffing girl seized him by the chin and kissed him fiercely, distracting him to the point that his hand stilled.

Mindy interrupted the searing, bruising kiss, pulling away a fraction of an inch and bucking her hips against his hand. "Don't stop." She pleaded before diving back into the kiss. Dave resumed his efforts, trying to do the kiss justice while pleasing her manually at the same time. He imagined that this was what it was like to play the accordion.

Ultimately, he was successful. Mindy's head snapped back and she let out a muffled scream through closed lips. "Dave!" She was in the electric chair, and his name was a strangled hiss. She tossed her head to the side. "Dave." She declared yet again, and her skin was being assaulted by a million tiny bubbles. "_Dave."_ She sighed, reaching a hand up to blindly search for his. He took the proffered hand, using the arm that had been wrapped around her to pull her upright and into a chaste kiss.

To Dave's surprise, he came away from the kiss with a damp cheek. It seemed Mindy's climax had been intense enough for her to tear up a bit. He kissed the salty fluid away from the corners of her eyes. "You OK?" He asked. His voice came out a bit shaky - her release had been a humbling thing to watch.

"That was amazing." She said weakly. "I love you."

"I love you too." Dave held her close, letting her foggy breaths wash over his face until she came back from the wonderful oblivion she'd just experienced. When her eyes were open and focused, he kissed her deeply, but gently, and she responded in kind.

When they parted, Dave was surprised at the next thing that came out of Mindy's mouth. "We should have sex." She said with a hopeful smile.

"What?" Dave blanched. "Give it some time!"

"Well, it's not like we were too far off just now..." Mindy pointed out.

"Actually I'd say there's a pretty big difference." Dave argued.

"Well, what are we waiting for? Are you waiting to see if I grow a bit?" Mindy asked with a sarcastically suggestive smile.

"No!" Dave replied vehemently. "I just think we should wait. It's a big deal. I don't want you to regret anything. You know that."

"We _could_ try to wait. But I don't want to." She shook her head with a patient smile. "Please humor me. I promise I'll do my best if you let me try." She reached out to him, grasping his upper arm, running her thumb gently up and down its length. "We... we do dangerous work. You've said it yourself. What if we don't have as much time as we think? Wouldn't you feel kind of stupid if we never got a chance to try?"

"That's not fair." Dave shook his head sourly.

"Have you ever seen me fight fair?" The warm smile on her face told Dave that she knew she was making an emotional appeal rather than a logical one.

"I guess not." Dave sighed and favored her with a fond smile of his own. "But not right now. I'll think about it, OK?"

"OK." She replied, stroking his cheek with a look of patient satisfaction. The last time Dave had needed to think about something, it ended up being very much worth the wait.

**Naked weave is a term for unpainted carbon fiber. If you guys notice any mistakes in this chapter, please let me know. I was excited to get it out. Again, I love reading reviews, so please leave one!**


	12. Chapter 12

**Long chapter is looooooooooong. Please enjoy the series of strip club puns. I've been waiting a very long time to throw them at you. As always, please review!**

**Return to the Sea**

This was it. Tonight was going to be their first patrol since Dave's injury. They had arranged to meet Lateral G and Crusader for a joint patrol. Dave really wanted to thank the two men for their role in saving his life, and Mindy liked the idea of someone driving them around all night.

The brave duo's evening began at the safehouse. Mindy was in the bathroom, plastering her mask to her face so that it wouldn't slip. At that moment, she wore only the jet-black, skintight base layer and her iconic plaid skirt. Dave had laid his armor out on the bed and was having a great deal of trouble focusing. His eyes kept flicking to the bathroom - though she was covered quite well by the thin, synthetic garments, little of Mindy's figure was left to the imagination. Mindy had an inkling of the effect her outfit had on her partner, and she enjoyed it quite a bit. Later, she _might_ have stretched somewhat provocatively after she finished lacing up her boots. Dave enjoyed the view, though not without a small measure of frustration - he'd just tried to put his upper arm sleeves on before his chest plate.

Eventually, Dave was fully suited up and slightly warm with the effort of getting everything on. Of course, Mindy may have had something to do with that warm feeling - she'd asked him to help cinch up her leg sleeves and shin guards. She smiled down at him, running her fingers through his hair as he tightened the straps, his face inches from her hips. Finally, the young lovers put their masks on and shared their second kiss in full costume. Mindy pulled away and smiled knowingly, fixing Dave with a calculating look.

"You know something? You change when you put the mask on. It's not just an outfit." She shook her head. "You _become_ Kick-Ass." Her gaze was both piercing and awed. "It's your eyes - I can definitely see something change in your eyes." She nodded to herself, looking deep into the eyes in question. "When you've got the mask on, they're fucking _fierce._" She added.

Dave felt a certain intensity that he associated with the costume, though it was muddled with the wild, tempestuous feeling he associated with Mindy. He wondered if he'd be able to identify his 'Kick-Ass Eyes' in the mirror. "Kick-Ass is part of Dave, and the mask just lets him out." Mindy concluded, rising to her tiptoes to kiss him lightly on the lips once more.

"And how does Hit Girl feel about Kick-Ass?" Dave asked, tracing the shell of her ear in a way that he knew would make her - _yes, there it is_ - shiver.

"She's found her badass prince." Mindy sighed happily, linking her hands behind his neck. "You could even say she's got a bit of a... Kick-Ass fetish." She whispered conspiratorially.

"That's good news for me." Dave chuckled.

"It is." Mindy agreed with a suggestive smile. "You ready to paint the town purple and green?"

"Always." Dave said with a wink.

The young lovers grabbed their large duffel bag, hid their outfits under baggy hoodies, and went to greet the night.

* * *

><p>Mindy had suggested that they not give the other heroes much notice before revealing the rendezvous point, and Dave could see her point. They'd been a huge help in getting Dave to the hospital, but in their line of work it was wise to consider every encounter a potential trap. As a countermeasure, they found a suitably deserted building, climbed to the roof, sent Crusader the address for the building across the street, and waited. About thirty minutes later, a car approached, pulled into a shadowy area, and parked. Mindy's phone buzzed.<p>

_**"We're here." **_

Mindy tapped out a reply. _**"We see you. Sit tight."**_

"What do you think?" Dave murmured.

"That's the same car. I haven't seen any movement, and as far as we know, they had no time to prepare a trap." She sighed in general dissatisfaction. The hero life was lonely by necessity - she was incredibly fortunate to have had Damon, then Dave to aid her. Maybe she wanted even more people to share this strange life with - more support. But she'd be lying if she said she wasn't worried that this _could_ be another Red Mist scenario.

_This is different, though._ She'd explained it to Dave, who'd been understandably curious about her desire to team up with more heroes. _They helped us. They were legitimately scared shitless of me, but they kept helping us when they could have just run off. They're not Chris D'Amico. I think there are good guys behind the mask and the helmet._ _I can feel it. And we can always kill them if they turn out to be trouble._

Dave trusted Mindy's judgment, so here they were.

"Alright. Let's go." The purple-clad girl finished tying the end of her rope around some solid-looking metal thing on the roof, gave it a few experimental tugs, then took a flying leap over the edge and into the darkness.

Dave absolutely hated it when she did that.

It terrified him because she did it completely without fear, and it peeved him for similar reasons. He always wished for Mindy's courage, but it eluded him. His own journey down the side of the building was much slower than Mindy's, and dulled somewhat by the realization that they were going to have to buy rope _again._

* * *

><p>The Crusader and Lateral G sat in the Chariot and waited for the biggest heroes in New York to appear. As the seconds ticked by and the street remained deserted, they grew understandably nervous. G really wanted to start the car and leave it running - just in case - but ultimately could not bring himself to waste fuel or spook some imaginary foe into action. Both men scanned the street with quiet unease. Just when Crusader was about to say to hell with the whole thing and ask G to drive away, a tall figure carrying a large bag stepped into the glow of a streetlamp and walked confidently toward the car.<p>

"Is that him?" G whispered.

"I don't know any better than you." Crusader muttered.

"He looks... different. More bulky." G mused.

"Well, they probably cut his old armor away when-"

"BOO!"

"OH GOD WHAT THE FUCK SHIT - _JESUS!_" G screamed, recoiling in horror from the adorable and only slightly threatening sight of Hit Girl smiling cheekily at him through his window.

Ignoring the frantic, reptilian portion of his brain that just wanted to curl up and crap himself until even a starving predator couldn't find him appetizing, G rolled his window down.

"I'm sorry." Dave said sheepishly, trying to suppress a smile as Mindy slumped over the hood, pounding it with laughter. "She really loves doing that. Would you believe me if I said she was being friendly?"

"I'll believe whatever you want." Crusader declared weakly. "I'd heard she was like a ghost, and this pretty much confirms it."

G unlocked the doors so that the young couple could pile into the back seat. They noticed a few clothes in the floorboards and a small cooler perched in the middle of the bench.

"So, you guys ready to beat some thug ass?" Mindy asked with an easy smile, wiping a few stray tears of mirth from her eyes.

"Uh... yeah. Soon as we go over the checklist." G nodded distractedly, clutching his chest as if trying to persuade his heart not to explode. "OK... we've got snacks." He held up a bag of beef jerky, placing it in his door rather than back in the console. It was clear he intended to consume it himself. "Drinks." He gestured to the cooler in the back seat between Dave and Mindy. "Bungee cords, 'cause you never know..." He opened the glovebox and indicated the tangled snarl of bungee cords within.

Meanwhile, Mindy inspected the cooler. _Nothing but energy drinks. Fucking really? I guess I can drink the ice when it melts._ Dave noticed the contents of the cooler and smiled knowingly at Mindy, who was - predictably - rolling her eyes. Like all other drugs, she considered caffeine a cheater's crutch.

G and Crusader were still in the middle of their checklist.

"Cuffs?" G prompted.

The Crusader lifted a flap on his chest plate, revealing a cubby hole of sorts that housed - among other things - a bundle of zip-ties. "Check."

"Sword?"

"Check." Crusader confirmed, lifting the sword slightly and letting it drop against his leg plates.

"You really have to ask?" Mindy laughed.

"Yeah. Numb-nuts here forgot it one night." G jerked his thumb jeeringly at Crusader, who covered his face with his palm and shook his head wearily. It was clear he was never going to live that down.

"I thought it was in the trunk." The large man protested listlessly.

"You're kidding." Dave guffawed.

"Oh please." Mindy interjected. "You would have forgotten your _mask_ once if I hadn't told you."

"One time!" Dave protested. "I would have figured it out." He muttered sullenly.

"Sure." Mindy held her hands up in a placating gesture. Dave's response to her insufferably smug grin was an impotent glare.

"I think that's everything." G declared. "You guys good?" He turned back to face Dave and Mindy.

"Yeah, we're ready." Mindy nodded. She named an intersection and told G to get moving. The car let out a low growl as he pulled away from the curb.

"So, thank you guys for getting me to the hospital. I owe you." Dave addressed their new companions.

Mindy squeezed his hand.

"Think nothing of it - we enjoyed the opportunity to truly help someone instead of looking for trouble." Crusader replied.

"I wanted to thank _you_ guys for making one of my dreams come true. I finally had a real excuse to drive like a bat out of hell. It was scary, yeah, but it was... amazing. So thanks. I always wanted to do something like that." G was probably smiling, but no one could tell.

"You're welcome. Just don't count on it again." Dave laughed.

"You know what _I've_ always wanted to do?" Mindy asked rhetorically. "Fight with a sweet soundtrack."

"What, just haul in a big boombox or something and blast it while you fight?" Crusader asked jokingly.

"Hell yeah!" Mindy answered quite seriously.

"So why don't you?" G asked.

"Too dangerous. I can't risk having the music drown out something I actually need to hear. It would be so damn _cool_ though..." She sighed wistfully.

"What kind of music would you use?" G inquired.

Dave smirked. Mindy had discussed her combat playlist with him before. "Dance pop or techno. Maybe speed metal." She answered. She couldn't help but smile while imagining it. "Wouldn't work as well for Kick-Ass, though. We move at different tempos." She smirked.

"What would Kick-Ass use?" Crusader asked with a laugh.

"Something with banjos." Dave stroked his chin in thought while everyone else laughed. "Twangy and upbeat. Bar brawl music."

"I'd pay to see that." G said seriously, looking back at Dave in the mirror.

Mindy held up a finger. "I'd pay to see it _with_ the guarantee that he wouldn't get distracted and die."

"Thanks." Dave smiled sarcastically at Mindy.

"You know I love you." Mindy said dismissively. It was true. Dave knew very well that she loved him.

Dave's sarcastic smile quickly became genuine. He really couldn't help it. He reached out and squeezed her hand, and the look she gave him in response was both teasing and adoring. _I don't know who's really wearing the pants here, but I'm having too much fun to care._

Mindy, for her part, was feeling similarly fuzzy toward the young man beside her. He was perfect. _All the glamor of dating an outlaw with none of the guilt. It's like dorky, handsome, and badass collided at high speed._

"So what do you guys normally do when you're out?" Dave inquired, trying to make conversation.

"We try our best to make mugging an unattractive career." The Crusader answered with a small measure of pride.

"Find dark alleys in relatively populated areas, look for sketchy guys, fuck 'em up with a sword." G summarized, counting the steps off on his fingers.

"Essentially, yes." Crusader confirmed. "We find the occasional drug dealer, and we typically separate them from their product and dole out some corporal punishment."

"When he says 'we,' he means him." G interjected. "I stay in the car. No armor, no sword, no gun. I just drive." He said firmly.

"When _I_ find a pusher, I like to force-feed him his entire stock. Takes care of two problems at once." Mindy smiled deviously.

"She only does that when they outlive their usefulness." Dave assured the two other men. "We typically find dealers and beat supply chain details out of them, then we follow the chain as high as we can before daybreak."

"By 'follow' he means 'destroy.'" Mindy clarified.

"Right." Crusader nodded in understanding.

"So, have you guys ever been sighted by civilians?" Dave asked.

"I know G hasn't been." Crusader answered, casting a glance at the masked driver in question. "The first time I was seen by anyone other than a criminal... it was probably the night we met you."

"Sorry I couldn't shake hands." Dave laughed awkwardly.

"Never apologize for giving people hope, Kick-Ass." Crusader chided. "Anyway, that night, I actually saved someone." His tone of mild surprise suggested that it had never happened before. "A young woman. The man who attacked her... I probably killed him." He said dully.

"Sounds like he got what he deserved." Mindy smiled. "It's a good feeling isn't it? Saving someone."

"It is." Crusader nodded.

"We've only done it a few times, but it's always the highlight of our night." Mindy fondly remembered a mugging they'd had the fortune to stumble upon. She and Dave had taken the muggers' wallets and offered them to the would-be victims, but they declined the gift. She'd settled for carving 'thief' into the thugs' foreheads and rubbing garbage into the fresh wounds. That was a good night.

"To answer your question, I don't think anyone knows of me. Sometimes a guy asks me who the hell I'm supposed to be, and I tell him I'm the Crusader and hit him with the sword-" He made a swinging gesture with his arms, accompanied by a clicking of his tongue to mimic an impact. "-but I don't think I have an action figure yet. I'm not on your level." He chortled.

"Well, if you hang out with us, you might end up on the news." Dave cautioned.

"That could be nice. Something to look back on and smile. I think I'd prefer to be more like bigfoot though - some kind of blurry mystery. I don't need anyone recognizing me." Crusader shook his head.

"Yeah, we try to limit ourselves to crappy, low-light pictures. We like a little screen time - it helps the cause. But we have to keep them guessing, you know?" Mindy explained.

"Certainly." Crusader agreed.

"It's the memories that really make it all worthwhile." Mindy said, nodding wistfully. "If conditions are right, you might even get to join us for a round of Thug Rover."

"What's that?" Crusader asked.

"Well, it's a lot like Red Rover, but we play it with criminals." Mindy reported.

"What's the objective?"

"Clothesline people." She replied bluntly. "As many as you can." Dave snorted and shook his head. Mindy loved that game, though it suited his fighting style more than hers.

"...are there any rules?" Crusader asked hesitantly.

"Only two." She held up two fingers quite seriously. "Leave no survivors, and never question the masks." The Crusader nodded politely, though he was panicking on the inside. "Although we probably need a couple of survivors tonight." Mindy allowed. "We need to test our new weapons in the field, so we'll need guinea pigs."

"I'll keep that in mind." Crusader muttered.

"_Before_ Thug Rover, we might end up playing a round of Gangster Piñata." She grinned in anticipation.

"That's... exactly what it sounds like, isn't it?" Crusader wondered aloud.

"Is that what all the rope is for?" G's muffled voice piped up. He jerked a thumb over his shoulder, indicating the rope Dave had removed from the duffle bag.

"Among other things, yeah." Dave replied.

The foursome soon arrived at the intersection Mindy had mentioned, and three heroes piled out.

* * *

><p>A couple of blocks away from the cadre of vigilantes, two men who were far too old to be dealing with the sort of bullshit with which they'd been saddled were in the middle of a debate. One man wore black, and another wore gray. The one in gray had made a suggestion, and though his companion was open to the <em>idea<em> of hitting a strip club, none of the ones gray had mentioned tickled his fancy.

"The Glitter Bomb?" Gray offered.

"Too far downtown." Black shook his head.

"Heart of Ass?"

"Too far _up_town."

"Tits o'Clock?"

"It closes early, remember?"

"What about Love You Long Time?"

"We don't _all_ have yellow fever."

"Daddy Issues?"

"Closed last month."

"Tarts of Darkness?"

"The bouncers hate me."

"The Assy Knoll?"

"Too... Assy." Black nodded slowly, satisfied with his answer.

"How about the Prancing Perenium?"

"That sounds familiar..." Black said thoughtfully.

"Yeah, it used to be called the Tawdry Taint. The new owners classed it up a bit." Gray reported.

"Did they finally **fumigate** it while they were classing it up?" Black asked pointedly.

"No." The man in gray sighed.

"Pass." The man in black shook his head.

"Cathode Ray's Boob Tube?"

"That place... " He trailed off. "Ain't what it used to be." He finished succinctly.

"Hall of Harems?" Gray suggested.

"Wasn't that place called Aladdin's Magic Tramp a while back?"

"Yeah." Gray nodded. "But Disney made them change it."

"I don't like that place." Black waved the suggestion off. "Too pretentious. Half the time it's togas, half the time it's the dance of seven veils. They need to pick a goddamn theme and stick with it. It's a strip club, not a prom." Black insisted.

"What about Fahrenheit 36-22-36 - you know, 'the temperature at which passions burn?'" Gray gestured grandly, trying to deliver the subtitle the way the proprietor would have wanted it.

"Doesn't that place have a couple of sister clubs?" Black rubbed his chin thoughtfully.

"Yeah, Brave New Girls and The Mammary Hole, I think." Gray recalled.

"Alright, alright, we got some contenders there." Black conceded.

"Ooh! How about Teen Town?" Gray actually bounced a little bit when the idea struck him.

"No." Black shook his head with absolute finality. "I'm not going back there. That place is like eating a whole box of chocolates in one sitting. It's all well and good in the heat of the moment, but it's just not worth the guilt later on."

"I forgot you had a daughter that age." Gray muttered. "Alright then. So what actually sounds good?" His exasperation was evident.

"I don't know, man." Black sighed. "Actually, I'm kind of hungry." He rapped his fingers on his stomach.

Gray stopped in his tracks. The two men faced each other with identical grins of inspiration. "The Salisbury Ocelot!" They yelled simultaneously.

"Fuckin' love that place! Nice girls, and they got that midnight buffet." Black snapped his fingers excitedly.

"Let's go!" Gray grinned.

"Not yet. Ten more minutes for this new kid to show up. After that, fuck him. Danny can gut him for all I care. And he better have a good story to tell when he gets here, or I'll tell Danny to gut him anyway." He checked his watch and shook his head. "Hurry up kid - nine minutes and you're dead." He muttered under his breath.

"Fuckin' kids." Gray muttered in disgust. Operating outside the law didn't give one a license to operate outside the rules of being _on-goddamn-time_.

* * *

><p>Meanwhile, Dave, Mindy and the Crusader were crouched behind a parked car where they'd been observing the two men. "Fuck diamonds. Night vision binoculars are a girl's best friend." Mindy muttered as she adjusted the focus.<p>

"So what do you think?" Dave asked quietly.

"Definitely up to no good. They're waiting for something. Doesn't take two guys to sell drugs though - maybe it's a handoff?" Mindy theorized.

"What do you want to do?" Dave looked to Mindy expectantly.

* * *

><p>Dave approached the dimly-lit figures in the alley, keeping his hands in his pockets and his face hidden in shadow.<p>

"It's about fuckin' time, kid." Black declared in irritation.

"You were three minutes from dead, you know that?" Gray piped up.

Black put up a hand to silence him. "Easy. Let's just get this done and hit the Ocelot."

"The _Ocelot_?" Dave blurted in confusion.

"Salisbury Ocelot. They got a midnight buffet." Gray clarified.

"But you don't need to know that, 'cause your ass is gonna be right here til sunrise." Black chuckled.

"Oh really?" Dave asked casually.

"Yeah really. That's what you signed up for. It's dull, but it has its moments. Don't get shot, don't get arrested." Black warned, and pulled a bag of white powder from his jacket.

"Sounds easy enough." Dave grinned, then threw his first-ever high-voltage punch straight into Black's face.

In the instant of contact, Black's body seized. As soon as he began to fall, he went limp and the smell of charred flesh filled the air. Gray was reaching into his own jacket when Mindy came out of the shadows behind him and slashed his throat. Mindy kept her eye on Gray as he bled out, flailing and gurgling, recognizing in his last moments that prison would have been better than this.

Mindy disarmed the dying man while Dave and Crusader busied themselves kicking Black in the stomach and face. Eventually the man stopped trying to fight back, curling into a tight ball while the blows rained down. At that point, Mindy extended her new arm blade and pointed it at the fallen man's face, waiting for him to open his eyes while Dave and Crusader rifled through his pockets. Dave extracted a handgun, a cell phone and a pocket knife, throwing the weapons out of the man's reach and pocketing the phone.

"Are you going to be a good boy?" Mindy asked condescendingly.

"Yes!" Blood escaped Black's mouth along with his answer.

"Good. 'Cause if you're not, Hit Girl will chop your head off." Dave explained delicately.

Black opened his eyes and saw Mindy's blade. "_Jesus_." He hissed, trying to scoot away from her.

"Ah, ah!" Mindy warned, stepping closer and pressing the blade into his neck. "No squirming."

"No squirming!" The man wailed, holding his hands up defensively.

"Who's your supplier?" Mindy demanded with a manic grin.

* * *

><p>"Well, that was pretty easy." Crusader remarked after they had all settled back into the Chariot and set off for their next destination.<p>

"Yeah, not bad at all." Mindy agreed. She picked up the cooler, tipping the entire thing toward her face and drinking what had melted so far. She moved to wipe her hand on her sleeve but stopped abruptly when she realized that her sleeve was carbon fiber instead of cloth. She shrugged and offered the cooler to Dave, who took a drink and replaced the lid.

Muffled banging and shouting came from the trunk. For a moment, awkward silence reigned in the car.

"So... what are we doing with this guy?" G inquired.

"We'll ditch him after we get what we want." Mindy answered dismissively.

"You gonna feed him a fistful of coke?" Dave chuckled.

"Actually, I really wanna see if this thing will go through his sternum." Mindy fingered her retracted arm blade excitedly.

"So you're gonna kill him either way?" G asked.

"Probably." Mindy nodded.

"Does he know that?" G asked bluntly.

"Not... really." Crusader answered. "We may have told him we'd let him go if he helped us lay a trap for his associates."

Mindy shook her head. "Stupid gangsters." She laughed.

"If only they'd stayed in school." Dave intoned regretfully.

"So where did you learn all your fancy ninja moves?" G inquired.

"I don't have fancy moves. What little I have, I learned from Hit Girl." Dave answered bluntly.

"Where did _she_ learn?" Crusader piped up.

"I learned them from family. I was raised to be a hero." Mindy's tone was only slightly boastful.

"Damn, really? You ever enter a martial arts tournament or anything?" G gestured vaguely with one hand before he had to downshift at a stoplight.

"I've never bought into that crap. There's a big difference between competitions and fights to the death, and I only do deathmatches. Besides, I don't need some Chinaman in his pajamas telling me my 'form' is off or that my 'chi' is fucked." Mindy scoffed.

"Please don't say Chinaman. That word won't make you any friends." Dave winced.

"It could make me some racist friends." Mindy argued. "But I guess those would be lame, so... good point."

The Crusader twitched with silent laughter.

Before locking him in the trunk, Mindy had asked their prisoner to set up a trap for at least four people, and he had given her five names. She'd also asked where she could have them meet that they wouldn't find suspicious, and reminded him that if nobody showed up, she'd kill him. Thus they had crafted their piece of gangster-bait: _**kid told me we might be able to rob his friends. big haul if we can manage it but gotta move tonight. meet at cipriani?**_

They'd received a few affirmative responses already, including one from the man who reportedly had keys to the Cipriani restaurant Black had mentioned. She began crafting another mass text: _**will be late. couldn't find cab. on my way now.**_

Mindy smiled deviously. That message would account for Black's absence and allow them to wait for their targets to show up.

When they arrived, Mindy instructed the Crusader to cover the front door of the building, wedging the front door shut with his sword to cut off that avenue of escape. In the event that he or G saw trouble approaching from outside, G was instructed to honk the horn.

Dave and Mindy were huddled by the back door, preparing for their assault. Mindy noticed a feral cat rooting through a dumpster and dropped to one knee, attempting to coax it toward her. It ignored her. "Fine." Mindy sighed. "You look bitchy anyway."

Dave just stared at the door, holding the gun they'd recovered from Black. Mindy had disassembled and reassembled it in the car and declared it to be in working order, so it would serve as a last-resort weapon for this assault. Gunshots were conspicuously loud, and they preferred to avoid them when possible.

"Hey, if we didn't have the flashbang, we could use angry alley cats. You could just throw the cat in there and let it soften them up a little." Mindy whispered, miming an underhanded throw of something cat-sized. "That's like a shrapnel bomb that keeps on giving."

Dave shuddered at the brutal image she'd put in his head. Cats are just so _pointy_. "I'm pretty sure catting is a war crime."

"All's fair in love and war." She insisted. "And pest control." She added.

"If you want to get rabies or cat AIDs..." He paused. "I was going to say 'be my guest,' but please just don't touch feral cats."

"Fair enough. It's a shame my song will go to waste, though. I just made it up." Without waiting for an invitation, she began to sing quietly.

"_How much is that kitty in the garbage?  
>The one with the sharp teeth and claws<br>We'll throw his cute ass at some gangsters  
>And teach them to violate laws!<em>"

She finished with a sweeping gesture and a pageant-worthy smile.

Dave golf-clapped almost silently while shaking his head. "You have a gift."

"I know." She grinned, then removed the Spicy Flashbang Surprise from her belt. "This should be fun." She examined the homemade explosive excitedly, eager to see its effects.

"Yeah, should be a cakewalk." Dave declared, though there was a definite note of apprehension behind his words.

"That's just a weird phrase. I mean, what the hell is a cakewalk?" Mindy demanded.

"Probably the sort of thing you wear petticoats to." Dave replied nervously.

"What the fuck is a petticoat?" Mindy asked plaintively.

"Probably the sort of thing you'd wear to a cakewalk." Dave shrugged.

Mindy sighed, still bothered about the origin of the strange idiom. "Alright, we open the door, throw the Surprise, let it pop, and wait for them to come running before we try to go in." She summarized the plan again. "You ready?"

"I guess so." Dave gave a lengthy, somewhat shuddery sigh of his own.

Mindy could see the fear in his eyes. "Hey." She spoke softly, but forcefully. "You and I are the scariest things here." She'd said this to Dave on countless occasions, just as Damon had said it to her. She only said it when Dave really needed to hear it. She said it pretty often.

"I know." Dave nodded nervously.

"I don't think you believe it." She shook her head. "Repeat after me: 'I'm the scariest thing in the room.'"

"We're not in a room." He pointed out.

"Say it." Mindy commanded.

"I'm the scariest thing in the room." He dutifully repeated, and tried his best to believe it.

"'I'm Kick-Ass, and Kick-Ass is a force of nature.'" She prompted.

"I think that's a bit much, isn't it?" Dave said doubtfully.

"Say it." Mindy couldn't help but crack a smile.

"I'm a force of nature." He said dully.

"And you know what they say about Kick-Ass." Mindy's smile turned impish.

"What?" Dave asked.

Mindy rose to her tiptoes to whisper into his ear. "In the presence of a mate, he's seven feet tall." She pecked him on the cheek and fell back onto her heels. "Now... are you ready to wreck this place?"

Dave felt a familiar process beginning somewhere between his shoulderblades - a falling, tingling, sweaty sensation. The kiss had helped. _I'm Kick-Ass._ It was the feeling of fear being turned into hate and bloodlust - fuel for the battle ahead. His body couldn't distinguish between a room full of surprised men armed with handguns and the lions and mammoths that his ancestors might have faced, but it was all relatively the same in the end: Kill or be killed. Simple enough. _I'm the scariest thing in the room._

"I'm ready." He said. And he was. He had balls of brass. Bulletproof armor. Dead nerves. And now, Dave had the love of the black and purple death goddess beside him, and a fist full of fucking _lightning_. He pitied the people in that building.

Dave took the Surprise from Mindy and lit it while she wrenched the back door open. He threw it in and Mindy slammed the door shut. There were mumbles, then shouts of panic from inside, then an explosion. Mindy ran to hide in the shadow of the dumpster while Dave stood at the ready on the other side of the door. They each held one end of a length of rope.

The first man came barreling out, tripped over the rope and pitched face-first into the concrete. "FUCK!" He clutched at his face, which - in addition to his fresh road rash - was already reddened by the pepper spray and sprinkled with screws. He wasn't much of a threat. Dave and Mindy stayed put.

A second man stumbled out, his eyes clenched shut in pain. He too tripped over the rope and landed on his side. The gun he'd been holding flew out of his hands and tumbled into a heap of trash. Mindy rushed out of her hiding place and slashed the first man's throat. Seeing that he was no longer needed as an anchor, Dave dropped the rope and moved to punch the second man into submission with his Zeus Knuckles. The man's face sizzled, and the smell that came off of it reminded Dave of those god-awful stuffed peppers his mother used to make. _Pepper spray. Right. That makes sense._

Dave was interrupted from that musing by a kick to his side. His armor kept him from being hurt, but he was knocked onto his back by the impact. A third man had arrived, and he seemed to be relatively uninjured by the Spicy Flashbang Surprise. Perhaps he'd been smart enough to take cover. Mindy was glad a challenge had arrived.

It seemed a little cliche, but as Dave watched the battle unfold, he couldn't help but observe that Mindy's movements were more like a dance than an attack. The steps were never the same, but they were always beautiful, always improvised, and always perfect. He knew they were perfect because she always survived.

More than any other part of the hero gig - the fame, the glory, the satisfaction, or the easy money - Dave loved the opportunity to watch Mindy work. It was like watching an artist or an Olympian, except Dave had never seen anyone paint with oil or watercolor the way Mindy could paint with blood.

It might sound crazy, but she seemed almost to move outside of time itself. It was like she could take every little moment - every little decision some poor hoodlum could make - and just pluck it from the timeline. She'd hold it in her hands, turning it over until she knew it completely. Then she'd crush it. And it all would have happened in the blink of an eye.

Mindy's courage was inspiring. Though Dave sometimes wondered if it was really courage at all - maybe it was just the confidence that only comes from certainty. Dave looked at a pack of menacing, gun-toting figures and saw the risks. Sometimes - _most times -_ the fear almost paralyzed him. What got him moving again was Mindy. When she looked at the same scene, she just saw a playground. If Mindy were a fish, the air between a gaggle of gangsters would be her sea.

Knowing she was charging in right beside him - always with the joyous determination of a toddler on a jungle gym - gave him the courage to keep going until every threat was eliminated.

After all, someone had to watch her back.

In this particular case, though, Mindy seemed to have the situation well in-hand. She beat the man mercilessly, simultaneously carving him up with her fighting knife. She gave him an opportunity to throw a punch here and there, but she never let him land one. After she managed to wedge her primary knife into his leg, she pulled out one of her throwing knives and flung it into the man's cheek to give herself time to line up a kick. The knife went in, the kick hit home, and the man fell backward. Mindy grinned malevolently as the fallen thug gasped for breath, clutching his chest in pain. She extended the blade on her gauntlet, drew back a punch, and drove it straight into the man's chest. He tried to grab the blade and pull it out, but all he succeeded in doing was shredding his hands since Mindy's entire weight was behind the blade. She withdrew it and quickly plunged it in again, this time striking his heart.

"Nice." Dave nodded emphatically.

"I know, right?" Mindy agreed, yanking the blade out and wiping it off on the dead man's jacket. "I like this thing. And we didn't have to shoot anybody. Nice and quiet." She pointed out cheerfully, retracting the blade. "Everybody dead?" She asked as she recovered the knife from his leg.

"I think my guy's out cold if you wanna finish him." Dave gestured to the man he'd beaten and shocked unconscious.

"Can do!" Mindy saluted her partner playfully and went to ensure that the man in question bled out.

Dave called the Crusader and asked him to bring their friend from the trunk around back to "identify his friends." After Mindy dispatched the man in black, the three heroes began the looting.

* * *

><p>The trio rejoined Lateral G in the Chariot with a fairly disappointing haul - just a few small bags of drugs they'd have to dispose of, phones, and several sets of car keys. "Alright. I've got a few sets of keys here." Mindy turned over a snarl of keychains in her palm. "Audi. BMW. More BMW. Lexus. Land Rover..."<p>

"Those things are pretty roomy, aren't they?" Crusader cut in.

"Yeah, if you want to drive a studio apartment." G scoffed.

Mindy tapped the unlock button on the Land Rover remote. A large black SUV blinked its lights in response. At Crusader's suggestion, the group got out of the Chariot walked over to inspect it up close. Mindy tapped the button again, briefly illuminating the area around the car enough to make out a badge. "Range Rover _Sport._" She read.

"...now _that_ could be an exception to my rule." G admitted.

"_Please_ let it be an exception." Crusader muttered under his breath.

"He has a rule?" Dave asked.

"No SUVs." Crusader answered. "But his car's so _small_." He grimaced.

Mindy tossed the keys to G, who fumbled them. He picked them up, cursing under his breath and opened the driver's door. Before he got in, he did a double-take, examining the door from slightly inside, then slightly outside. "That's not glass." He whispered. "That's... bulletproof glass. Or Lexan. But look at that shit, it's like an inch thick..." He said in awe.

"You're telling me this thing's bulletproof?" Mindy asked with a grinch-worthy smile.

"At least the glass is. Hang on a sec." G climbed into the front and peered over the dash. He found a familiar plaque with the initials PAC. "Holy shit yes. Yes. _Yes._ This thing is from PAC. I've seen their stuff before. They bulletproof _anything._ Even sports cars." He stepped out and faced the rest of the group with a comically huge grin. "This whole thing is bulletproof."

"Well, I suppose drug lords _are_ in the target market for that sort of thing." Crusader mused aloud.

"Oh, we're keeping this." Mindy smiled, reaching out to touch the vehicle. _A bulletproof car __**more**__ than makes up for a cash-free night._

G tried to hand the keys back to Mindy, but she pushed them back at him.

"It's yours now. We have nowhere to put it. If we pay you, can you find a safe place to park it so we can use it for patrols?" She asked.

"You really want me to keep it?" G asked in awe, laying a hand on the cool metal.

"If you keep driving us around, definitely. You guys are great support." Mindy replied.

"Well, I park for free at the shop, so it's really no problem. I'll hold on to it, but I still say it's yours. You're the ones who earned it. How about that, Kroos? I've got something with no paper trail, and you've finally got a getaway car big enough for your jelly rolls." He clapped one of Crusader's bulky pauldrons.

"This is all muscle and armor and you know it." Crusader said dismissively.

G walked around the car slowly, admiring it from every angle. "_Bulletproof..._ Range Rover... _Sport. _Pimpest thing I've ever seen. Best night ever." He finished in a whisper.

"He gets like this with cars." Crusader explained unnecessarily.

"So Kick-Ass, Hit Girl, what do you wanna call this thing?" G asked.

"You guys like naming stuff too?" Dave pointed at the two other men in mild surprise.

"Every car needs a name." G replied distractedly.

"How about... the Hit Wagon." Mindy suggested.

"Not bad." Crusader nodded.

"I like it." Lateral G grinned.

"Nice." Dave agreed. He fist-bumped his petite lover in celebration of their acquisition.

"You know, I'll have an easier time storing this thing if I can say we're modifying it." Lateral G hinted.

"You want to pimp our new ride?" Mindy asked.

"Yes. _Hell_ yes. I want this thing to be ready for the fucking X Games. Short ram, sway bar, maybe chip it..." He trailed off.

"Does all that shit make it go faster?" Mindy asked flatly.

"Yeah." G nodded with wide-eyed sincerity.

"Then do it. Just don't do anything impractical. Make it better for hero work, but don't make it stand out." She warned.

"Sleeper. Got it. Any budgetary limits?" G asked in a surprisingly businesslike tone, as if he'd done something like this before.

"Nope. Go nuts." Mindy smiled.

"We stack paper like rappers, so... yeah, go nuts." Dave agreed.

"Oh, there he goes." Crusader muttered as G stroked the car in ecstasy. "He won't sleep, you know." He said matter-of-factly to Mindy and Dave. "He'll just be up all night ordering parts and comparing torque curves and what-have-you." He rolled his eyes. Clearly, Crusader had been on the receiving end of G's automotive chatter before.

Dave's stomach growled. "I'm kinda hungry." He spoke for Mindy's benefit. She typically got hungry after performing heroic feats as well.

"I guess dinner _was_ a while ago. Wanna go hit the Salisbury Ocelot?" She offered with a snicker.

"Ha, no." Dave said shortly. "That place sounds... pretty shady." He laughed.

"I ate all the jerky." G mumbled apologetically.

Mindy wasn't surprised. "Well, what do you guys say we take the Hit Wagon to Manhattan and turn some of this pocket change into hot dogs?" She proposed, gesturing to the wad of bills she'd liberated from their prey's wallets.

The men nodded with various levels of enthusiasm, Dave's and G's being the highest.

"Let me just move my car a couple blocks, then we'll get going." G ran back to the Chariot and put some distance between it and the grisly crime scene they were leaving behind. Mindy suspected G _might_ be looking forward to driving the Hit Wagon.

Mindy was right. Lateral G didn't so much drive the car as caress it - gently exploring every feature whenever they hit a stoplight, running his fingertips along the supple leather and precise stitching of the interior. Clearly, he was in love. It wasn't as fast as the Chariot, but the Chariot couldn't comfortably hold four heroes and a huge amount of equipment. It also couldn't hop curbs. Most importantly, it wasn't bulletproof. Dave and Mindy found the Crusader's quiet glee over being able to fit in a vehicle in full armor entertaining. He kept reaching up to touch the roof as if he was confirming that it was actually there.

* * *

><p>They found a hot dog vendor on the edge of Manhattan catering to the extremely late-night bar crowd. Dave, Mindy, and the Crusader got in line, though they quickly advanced several places because the drunks kept insisting that Kick-Ass and Hit Girl needed hot dogs <em>right fucking now<em> and that their new friend with the shiny helmet should go with them. Dave and Mindy modestly thanked their adoring fans and soon reached the front of the line, where the bleary-eyed and sullen proprietor didn't even bat an eye at the three heroes. Dave went first.

"And what can I get you, string bean?" The man asked as though Dave was boring him.

"Chili and cheese." Dave answered slowly, eyeing the man with distrust. While he was occupied with preparing their orders, Dave leaned down and spoke to Mindy out of the side of his mouth. "String bean? What is that? Was that racially motivated somehow?"

"Maybe it's because you're green." Mindy shrugged.

Dave pursed his lips in annoyance and Mindy smiled cheekily at him as he stepped aside to make way for her. As Mindy placed her order, a relatively sober young woman left her place in line and asked Dave if she could get a picture of him with Hit Girl. He offered his most genial, heroic smile and told her he'd leave it up to Hit Girl.

He leaned down to speak into Mindy's ear. "Hey, this girl wants a picture of us."

"Oh really?" Mindy replied. She poked her head around Dave and saw the excited young woman holding her phone at the ready. "Alright." She said evenly. Her smile was scheming, but Dave figured she was probably just planning to give him bunny ears again. Mindy took his hot dog and handed it to the Crusader, who took it with some confusion while stuttering out his order to the unpleasant hot dog vendor. Dave was slightly puzzled - he didn't mind a hot dog being in the picture, though he supposed it probably made him look less majestic.

"Ready?" Mindy asked.

"Yeah!" The woman answered, holding her phone at eye level.

"Catch me!" Mindy shouted. Before Dave could react, he had two hands full of Mindy's ass. She wrapped her legs around his waist and kissed him enthusiastically. Her mouth was so distorted by her smile that it was hardly an actual kiss at first. By the time Dave lowered Mindy to the ground a few seconds later, _several_ flashes had gone off. When she was back on her feet, Mindy moved to accept her hot dog as if nothing out of the ordinary had happened.

"Omigod you guys are _together_?" The woman they'd posed for screeched excitedly.

Dave looked at Mindy with a mix of amusement, confusion and hesitation.

"Yeah." Mindy shrugged nonchalantly. "He's mine. Property of Hit Girl." She smiled smugly and smacked Dave on the ass, nearly causing him to drop his chili dog.

They soon returned to the Hit Wagon, consuming their late-night snack as they rode back to the vicinity of the Cipriani, where they dropped G off at his car. Instead of bidding him goodnight, Crusader said something about seeing him at the shop. The large plate-clad man then drove the young lovers back to the rendezvous point where the night had begun. He bade them goodnight, though good morning would have been more accurate. After leaving their armor in the back of the Hit Wagon for the sake of convenience (with Crusader's assurance that G would be able to hide it), they parted ways, the young couple walking back to the safehouse in hoods and masks while Crusader presumably went to meet his partner.

"I'd call that a good night out." Dave smiled with satisfaction.

"A car, a chauffeur, and a guaranteed place to park? We're doing better than 99% of New Yorkers. I feel like a Rockafeller or some shit." Mindy agreed.

"And you managed to give the whole city an interesting headline for tomorrow." Dave pointed out. "Let's just hope none of those people had a really good camera."

"Our faces were mashed together, and I was partially turned away." Mindy reminded him. "Believe me, I thought it through."

"Well-done." Dave nodded. "Good strategy."

"Thank you." She genuflected with a sarcastic flourish of her hand.

Dave grabbed Mindy's hand, and she squeezed his in response, leaning her head against his shoulder as they walked. "So do you think we'll be in the papers, or just blow up the internet again?" He asked quietly.

"Front page of the Times. Wait and watch." Mindy yawned.

* * *

><p>"Blugh. Remind me to buy stock in the company that makes IcyHot. 'Cause I'm probably gonna buy a crate tomorrow." Mindy moaned, flopping forward onto the safehouse's sole piece of furniture. It wasn't especially soft, but after a patrol, a bed was a bed.<p>

Dave took a seat on the edge of the bed and removed his boots. Mindy rolled over and did the same before she flopped back down next to her boyfriend. A few seconds later, Mindy's nose twitched. "Oh god. What..?" Her face scrunched up in distaste. "Your feet smell like fermented sadness." Mindy choked out, fighting both the stench and her own laughter.

"So do yours!" Dave protested weakly.

"I can't stand this." Mindy shook her head vehemently, though her eyes were still smiling. "We should stick them in the tub. Maybe the heat will help too."

"Sounds good. Let's go make stink soup." Dave chuckled.

Dave hauled his aching body into the bathroom to run a very hot, shallow bath. Mindy hung back in the doorway, watching him roll his pants up to his knees as water splashed into the tub. She'd have to roll her leggings up too, unless... _That's an idea._ She rolled her leggings down and stepped out of them, leaving them pooled in the doorway. Dave looked up at her and smirked, admiring the view for only a second before taking a seat on the side of the tub and dipping his feet into the scalding water.

"Oh balls that's hot!" He hissed. Soon, he closed his eyes and sighed as he grew accustomed to the heat. The water warmed the air around him, prompting him to remove his shirt. As soon as the shirt was gone, he closed his eyes again and kicked his feet gently back and forth, forcing the water between his toes, renewing the sensation of heat against his abused flesh.

He felt Mindy sit down next to him and heard her feet join his in the tub with a small splash. He turned one of the hands that had been resting on his legs palm-up, and Mindy took the invitation, placing her hand in his. He opened his eyes to offer her a smile but was instead quite startled to find she'd removed both her shirt _and_ her bra. Mindy smiled in amusement at Dave's raised eyebrows. "Now we match." She said with an innocent shrug.

Dave let out a snort of derision and put an arm around her, pulling the topless girl into his side.

"You're sticky." Mindy murmured.

"So are you." Dave countered quietly, pressing a kiss to her forehead. Her skin tasted salty.

"Touché." Mindy nodded almost imperceptibly. "Love you." She added. The sentiment had popped into her head unbidden, and she felt compelled to share it.

"Love you too." Dave replied thickly. He was nodding off on the side of the tub.

Mindy really would have liked to make lecherous advances on Dave in his weakened and shirtless state, but she was too damn tired. She settled for cuddling up to him in bed after they'd finished their therapeutic soak. As soon as Dave was wrapped around her, she fell into a deep, dreamless sleep and didn't move an inch until lunch time the following day.

**That was the hardest chapter I've had to write. So much needed to happen, and it was a challenge to describe all that action. Interesting times are ahead. I think it's all downhill from here. Please review and let me know if you find mistakes, since I was really excited to get this one out.**


	13. Chapter 13

**Not sure why there were so few reviews last chapter. Traffic also seemed lower. I thought I'd have a bunch since a lot happened, but I guess not. Looking forward to your reviews as always. Sorry for the short chapter, but it's necessary. **

**A Cold Shower**

Dave awoke to the sound of the shower. Some daylight was peeking in through the dingy window. _Morning._ He rolled to the edge of the bed and grabbed his phone from the floor, checking the time. _Afternoon._ He corrected himself. He recalled the events of last night. _New friends. Killed some guys. Bad haul, sweet ride. Dickish hot dog guy... kiss. _A very public kiss. He remembered the feeling of Mindy's smile pressed against his face, her legs - or rather the rigid shells encasing them - clamped around his waist, and her firm, shapely behind in his hands. He remembered a dozen camera flashes through the purple tresses of Mindy's wig.

_Time to check the news. _He loaded the local news and was astonished at the large, well-composed photograph of Mindy's assault on his face. His slightly open mouth closed and stretched into a broad smile. _She's going to love this. Pretty dim, but it's beautiful. __**She's**__ beautiful. You see just enough of her face to tell she's having the time of her life. And I look hilarious. _In the photo, his eyes were wide with shock._ Would have been funnier if I was trying to juggle her and the hot dog, but then I might have dropped her. _He chuckled quietly to himself.

Mindy emerged from the bathroom wrapped in a towel. Due to her short stature, she was more than adequately covered, but that didn't change the fact that she was one swath of fabric away from being naked. He'd seen her mostly naked before, but this was different, and he was pretty sure Mindy knew it. Her damp hair hung in clingy clumps around her shoulders, and beads of moisture glistened on her skin.

"It's really not fair to subject me to that view." Dave complained.

"Should I take the towel off?" Mindy grinned.

"That..." He closed his eyes and rubbed his forehead. His head was beginning to hurt a little. He wondered how many minutes of life this instant of self-control had cost him. "Is not a fair question." He opened his eyes and smiled at her. She bent down to slide a storage bin out from under the bed, from which she drew her set of emergency clothes. She also grabbed Dave's set and threw it in his general direction. The wad landed on his chest, where a sock broke away from the bundle and rolled off to land on the dusty floor. Since he'd been following the sock's progress, he'd taken his eyes off of Mindy for a moment. He returned his gaze to her with the intention of telling her just how gorgeous she looked - telling, but not showing (_not yet, keep waiting_). But as soon as he looked at her, Mindy grabbed the end of the towel and offered him a warning. "If you don't want a show, you better close your eyes." She sing-songed, then shrugged the towel onto the bed.

Dave sucked in a gasp of surprise and snapped his eyes shut. He felt Mindy's weight on the bed. He heard the rustling of fabric. _Getting dressed._ He reasoned. Soon, though, he was alarmed to feel her slinking toward him like a tigress on the hunt. "Are you dressed?" He asked nervously.

"Maybe." She replied playfully. Dave felt her lips against his. He reached up to tangle one hand in the soft, damp wonderland of her hair. Seconds later, a knee landed on his other side. She had him pinned. Dave tentatively reached up to find Mindy's waist. _No shirt._ He traced a path up her ribs and over her back. _No bra._ His breath hitched for no apparent reason. He dragged his fingers back down, down, very cautiously down, and found a hip. He kept going. _No... nothing._ The less well-mannered and tactful portions of his brain relayed this information to places that really shouldn't have been informed (lest they be given false hope). At that point, Dave's hand mutinied, perhaps on behalf of other body parts that felt they were being slighted. He cupped a velvety cheek, and Mindy showed her approval with a deep kiss that was as wet as the gloriously clean-smelling locks of hair that tickled his face.

Mindy broke the kiss. "Aren't you going to open your eyes?" She whispered.

"Nope." Dave smirked, though inside he was falling apart with the effort of restraining himself. "Gonna take a cold shower."

"Doesn't have to be cold." Mindy lilted. "You could get cleaned up and then we could work up a sweat again-" She began, but Dave cut her off.

"Nope. Cold shower." He gave a light push on her waist, sending her over on her side. He sat up on the edge of the bed and gathered his bundle of clothes before beating a hasty retreat to the bathroom. With a herculean effort, he managed not to look back at the surely naked girl on the bed. If he had, he would have seen her wearing nothing but a long-suffering smile as she watched him go.

* * *

><p>"So did you see the picture?" Dave asked as he emerged from the bathroom, thankfully finding Mindy mostly clothed.<p>

"Yeah, it turned out great!" She grinned excitedly. "You can't see that much of our faces, but you can totally tell it's Kick-Ass and Hit Girl. It just looks... awesome. I kinda want a copy for my room." She admitted. "I knew they'd love a hero romance - they're eating it up. They even wrote about me smacking your ass!" She crowed.

"Hooray." Dave deadpanned.

"Oh come on. You can't tell me this isn't fun." Mindy protested. "You got to show everyone you're with New York's most beloved and feared public servant."

"Pity _you_ didn't get anything out of it." Dave joked.

"Are you kidding?" She scoffed. "I'm on top of the world, here. Everybody thinks I'm banging Kick-Ass, and he's the most eligible bachelor in the city." She pretended to swoon at the thought. "Now if only I _were_ banging Kick-Ass." She muttered.

"Someday." Dave clapped her on the shoulder and offered her a supportive smile as if he _wasn't_ the one standing between her and her goal.

She gave him the best withering look she could muster through her excitement, but she was soon back to smiling. "Should we tell them it's really us in the picture?" She asked. "I looked it over pretty closely, and there's not much detail to it. I think it's safe."

"I don't know." Dave shrugged. "Do you want to?"

"Well, people are asking about it. More publicity is good for the cause." She mused.

"Alright, I'll tell them." Dave agreed. He picked up his phone and typed a fairly long message to the public, which he refused to let Mindy see. He'd been reliving the kiss in the shower, and had come up with an amusing observation that seemed just right for the occasion.

Mindy checked her own phone to find Kick-Ass's new message. **"HitGirl kisses like a dingo. I may have chipped a tooth last night. If anyone finds part of a tooth, please put it under your pillow and donate the proceeds to the charity of your choice."**

She snorted with laughter and composed a message of her own. **"Today I learned that KickAss kissed a dingo at some point. My man is strange."**

"Nice." Dave smirked as he read Mindy's reply. After switching his phone back into "Dave" mode, he noticed a very unwelcome text message.

**Katie: "_Is it really you in the picture?"_**

Dave just snorted and shook his head with disdain. He didn't reply.

Later in the day, Marty, Marcus, and Casimir all had their own comments about the picture. Marty congratulated the couple on some truly prodigious web traffic. Marcus told Dave that his hand placement needed work, and that next time Mindy should jump into his arms bridal style. Casimir asked Dave how one would go about getting a framed print. Dave laughed and told his father he might as well get two so that he could give one to Mindy.

* * *

><p>A month sailed by with no time for patrols. Lateral G had notified them that the Hit Wagon was essentially ready for duty, but Dave's workload at school was increasing as he approached graduation, and though Mindy was only a freshman, the end of the school year represented a challenge for her as well. With all that work to be done, all of their free time was spent together on decidedly non-heroic pursuits. Their dates were a welcome reprieve from the parade of senseless busywork the school saw fit to dump on them. They had discovered a game that could be played with a bag of hard candy that was particularly well-suited to Mindy's competitive nature. It was probably bad for their teeth, but it did wonders for their morale.<p>

At the end of one of these dates, Mindy found herself bidding Dave a long goodnight on his doorstep. Parting with him was increasingly difficult, especially when she knew what it was like to sleep in his arms. She couldn't wait for life to provide her with the opportunity to sleep with him _every_ night.

"Want me to walk you home?" Dave inquired with a yawn.

Mindy smiled wryly. "I don't think you'd make it. I'd just end up carrying you back here." She tittered. He was nearly asleep on his feet, having finished an honors chemistry lab final that had taken him a whole week to complete.

"I could do it." Dave protested weakly. He really did want to get to bed, but walking her home would be the gentlemanly thing to do.

"Go to bed." She insisted, pecking him on the cheek. "I'll text you when I get home." She assured him.

"OK." Dave agreed drowsily. "Night. I love you." He swayed slightly on the spot.

"Love you too." Mindy gave his hand a final squeeze and turned to leave.

Dave dragged himself up the stairs to his room and flopped onto his bed. He was very, very glad it was Friday. Mindy had been able to stay for quite some time, and he could get a decent amount of sleep. He smiled, knowing he would almost certainly see Mindy again tomorrow. He would help her with her final paper for her literature class, as it wasn't one of her best subjects. She would park herself in his lap, and he would wrap his arms around her to reach the keyboard. They'd write it together.

* * *

><p>As Mindy made her way home, she saw something curious. A small child was seated – alone – on the steps of a dark building. She slowed as she drew nearer.<p>

"Can you help me?" The child asked. It was a young girl, no more than six years old.

"Help you with what?" Mindy bent down to speak with the girl on her level, trying to cover her concern with a friendly smile.

"My Mommy was supposed to pick me up, but she never did."

"Pick you up? From here?" Mindy gestured to the building.

The girl nodded.

"Kid, it's midnight. You're telling me you've been waiting for her to pick you up from a _class_?"

"Uh-huh." She nodded again.

"How long?" Mindy demanded incredulously.

"I dunno." The girl shrugged.

"When was your class over?" Mindy asked patiently.

"I dunno." The girl sighed in exasperation.

Mindy just shook her head in astonishment.

The little girl looked more bored than worried. "Can we go inside?" She asked, yawning.

"Uh... if we can get in, I guess. Where's your instructor? Did she just leave you to wait?" Mindy asked indignantly. She tried the front door and found it unlocked. They stepped into the front office. There was no one there.

"Yeah. She left a while ago. It was light outside." The girl explained.

"Are you fucking kidding me?" Mindy muttered under her breath. "Let's find some phone numbers and crack some skulls, kiddo." She began to walk behind the reception counter.

"Sandwich!" The little girl called out.

Passing through the doorway to the back of the office, Mindy had only an instant to wonder what the girl was talking about before her whole world exploded in white-hot pain and she hit the floor.

"Did I do it right?" The girl asked.

A young woman in white appeared from the shadows behind the counter. She dropped her taser - expensive, but worth it - and bent over Mindy to hold a rag to her face. "You did great, sweetie - got the code word right, and everything." She returned her gaze to Mindy's unresponsive face. She smiled sickly. "Perfect..."

**Aw snap! Shit's about to get crazy. Please review!**


	14. Chapter 14

**Please review, and if you find errors, let me know. This chapter has been through about a hundred revisions.**

**The Scooby Doo Moment**

Dave's eyes creaked open. He might have nodded off. What time was it? _Twenty-five minutes since she left._ He hadn't received a reply from Mindy. His brow furrowed in confusion. She usually texted him as she walked home, and she'd specifically said that she would tell him when she arrived. She should be there by now.

_**You there yet?**_ He inquired. He waited. There was no response.

_**Did you try to pet a feral cat? Is it mauling you?**_ No response. He checked the time again. _She would be there by now._

* * *

><p>Mindy awoke when Dave squeezed her hand. He smiled warmly at her, and she was sure she gave him an appropriately loving smile in return, though she still felt very tired.<p>

Sunlight poured in through the windows, and though it warmed her body, there was a slight draft that made her shiver once she was aware of it. She stretched, thrusting her chest toward the dash, seeking the sunlight, which was sapping her strength in a pleasant sort of way. That must have been why she was tired. She found the source of the draft - Dave had cracked his window slightly.

Mindy looked outside. Her nap had been surprisingly long. At some point, New York must have vanished behind them - the skyscrapers and housing projects had given way to a sea of wheat. The road was deserted aside from the young lovers, and Mindy wouldn't have it any other way.

She'd never imagined that it could be so beautiful outside the city. Humanity could be ugly, sure, but New York City was still packed with more beauty than one person could see in a lifetime. The landscape whizzing past was no city, but it was still stunning in its own way. It was like some kind of yellowish Eden out there - nothing but wheat, sky, and asphalt as far as the eye could see, and them alone in all of it. If she discounted what was beyond the horizon, she could believe that she, Dave, and the wheat were the only living things in the universe. It was a nice feeling. She didn't like the idea of leaving civilization for good, but she wasn't averse to the idea of telling civilization to fuck off for a little while, provided she had Dave and an adequate amount of gas.

This was the celebration they'd been planning. Dave had graduated, and they were taking their hero gig on a brief tour as a sort of vacation. They would hit several crime-ridden cities, making appearances, spreading hope, and making detours where they liked along the way. First they'd hit Detroit, then Chicago. Then down into St. Louis and Kansas City. After that, they'd go stir up trouble in the Five Points region in Denver. Mindy was especially looking forward to Albuquerque. They'd been talking about the trip for months. It always seemed to be a far-off dream, but here they were.

Mindy closed her eyes and smiled sleepily to herself. She still intended to try to convince Dave they were ready for the hot, dusty hell that was Laredo, but she wouldn't be unhappy if he talked her out of it again. He had a way with words when he really wanted to. Or maybe he just had a way with her.

Eventually, an oasis appeared in the form of a filling station. Mindy liked their rolling fortress of solitude, but she wasn't about to pass up an opportunity to stretch her legs. Dave left the highway and pulled up to a pump.

Mindy got out of the car and walked around to Dave's side, leaning against it as he refueled. After he got the flow started, he took Mindy into his arms, pulling her close. He reached up to run his thumb over Mindy's jaw, and she dragged her fingers lazily over his arm, pressing her cheek into his chest in general appreciation of his Daveness. "Love you." He murmured. Then, he put a finger under her chin to guide her into a kiss. Her eyes drooped closed again. That was the best way to savor Dave's touch, she'd found - remove sight from the equation and focus on the tactile delights alone.

Soon - even in her tired stupor - she realized that this kiss was a little different from Dave's normal M.O.. Dave would usually run the very tip of his tongue over her lips, tormenting her with the lightness of his touch. This was more forceful. The pressure was almost bruising, but it was definitely following the contour of her lips. It was very strange. She opened her eyes.

She immediately wished she hadn't. The tongue she'd felt wasn't Dave's. It wasn't even a tongue. It was pink lipstick, and it was being applied by Katie Deauxma.

Only it wasn't quite her. At least not the Katie Dave had known. "Did I get the right shade?" She smirked, holding the lipstick up for Mindy's inspection.

* * *

><p>Sensing that something was wrong, Dave called Marty. "Hey, you can see where Mindy's phone is, no matter which ROM she's in, right?"<p>

"Hello to you too. I was sleeping... Christ." Marty mumbled. "You want what now?"

"Mindy told me she'd let me know when she got home. She didn't, and she should be there by now. She's not answering. I'm worrying, here. Can you figure out what's going on?" Dave pleaded.

The frantic tone of Dave's voice brought Marty out of his stupor. "Yeah, dude. I'll see what I can do."

* * *

><p>"What the fuck?" Mindy muttered. It was the most intelligent reply she could muster. She tried to move and found that she couldn't. She was tied up - lashed to a pillar of some sort from her shoulders down. She tried to concentrate, but her head was spinning. Dave hadn't graduated yet. He didn't even have a driver's license. They hadn't talked about the trip since he got shot. Dave was the dream, and Katie was real.<p>

"Hit Girl wears pink, right?" Katie asked dully, waving the lipstick to get her attention.

Mindy didn't answer, instead focusing on Katie's outfit. _That_ was familiar, though she hardly dared believe it. "You? _You're_ Goodbye Nurse?" Mindy was suddenly wide awake, and couldn't help but laugh. "Well, _this_ is a Scooby Doo moment." She muttered.

"I guess that makes you a meddling kid, doesn't it?" Katie quipped.

"This is how you're dealing with losing Dave?" Mindy asked incredulously. "You know, most girls would just grab a tub of ice cream and cry it out. Is all this really necessary? Also, what kind of sick bitch uses a _kid_ as bait?" She demanded.

"I'm doing what I have to." Katie replied stoically. "All he had to do was come back to me." She shook her head and began to pace. "I kept giving ground, playing into his hero delusion, but when I saw the picture..." She paused and took a deep breath. "I realized he was too far-gone." Her voice had turned hollow. "I understand now - the only way I can help him is by being his partner. It's not ideal, but at least we'll be together again."

"He _has _a partner." Mindy pointed out slowly and sweetly, clearly grinding out every syllable. "And while we're talking about delusions-"

Katie cut her off. "I know that, sweetheart, and that's why you're here." She gave a sickly smile. "I need you out of his life. After I'm done with you, he'll need a new partner. And I'll be right there for him. Over time, I'll talk him down from this hero nonsense."

"It's easy to see why he chose me over you. You're pretty crazy." Mindy chuckled.

Katie's face contorted with rage. She stormed up to Mindy and slapped her, the blow echoing around the empty space.

The bound girl seemed more amused than injured. "Are you even trying? My Daddy used to hit me harder than _that_, and we were only _playing._" Her lip began to bleed.

"Maybe that's why you turned out this way. All you understand is violence." Katie looked down her nose at Mindy, still shaking with anger and trying, but failing to hide the fact that she'd hurt her hand.

"You're the one who just hit someone who couldn't hit back." Mindy pointed out in amusement. "Looks like you just fell off your high horse." She said smugly.

Katie could think of no response other than to fume silently.

* * *

><p>"Dude, we've got problems. I just asked Cerberus for an audio sample from Mindy's phone, and... I don't think Katie's over you. The recording is Katie and Mindy arguing. Katie's saying you're going to need a new partner soon - she's <em>threatening<em> Mindy. I think... she hit her, dude. Mindy's acting like she's not hurt, but I don't know..."

"What the hell?" Dave reeled. "Can you see where she is?"

"I'm working on getting her location now, but a good GPS lock could take a while if she's indoors." He sighed regretfully.

Dave grabbed a black hoodie and his new mask. Nothing bulletproof, but right now it would have to do. He was out the door at a dead run, no longer feeling the fatigue that had spurred him to bed. He began following the path he knew Mindy would have taken home.

"Are you really sure it's Katie?" Dave demanded.

"Yeah. I wouldn't forget that voice." There was silence as Dave tried to wrap his head around what was happening. "I'm sorry." Marty said quietly. "But you can still help her. I'm pretty sure she's still in Queens. She's jumping around the map, but she should settle soon. Switch your phone to hero mode and keep your eyes open. Who the hell knows how Katie managed to get the drop on Mindy..." Marty gathered up two laptops and hauled them into the kitchen. He needed more room.

Dave thought Marty's point was valid, but he really couldn't dwell on it. Mindy was alone against something he couldn't understand. Someone he thought he'd loved. And it was up to him and Marty to find her before it was too late.

He'd never felt more lost in his life.

* * *

><p>"So what's the deal with those videos? You didn't actually kill those people." Mindy framed the question as a statement. She really couldn't picture Katie killing anyone.<p>

"Acting students from NYU. They'll do anything for work, and if you roofie them, they don't remember what they did." She said brightly. "The gunshot is edited in. You tell them it's an experimental film about heroes, you put the costume on _after_ they're tied up-" She gestured to her own outfit. "It was pretty easy. And I've gotten so good with makeup that they probably wouldn't even recognize themselves if they saw the videos." She boasted. Her arrogant smile deflated and died. "But it didn't work." She sighed. "I had to do something more drastic. I had to let Dave know that his delusions were going to get _him _hurt, not just a bunch of fake heroes."

"Dave's not delusional." Mindy looked at Katie with disgust. "He's a hero. There's a difference. He knows he's mortal, but he does the right thing anyway."

"Because _you've _convinced him that it's a good idea to go out and try to get himself killed! You run around the city looking for trouble, dressed like a fucking lunatic and he follows you because he feels guilty about your father!" Katie screamed. Her tirade stopped somewhat abruptly, and she seemed to have difficulty catching her breath. "Dave is a _man_, and dress-up is a game for little girls."

"Look who's talking." Mindy jerked her head at Katie, indicating her outlandish evil nurse outfit.  
>Katie's gaze remained stony. "I'm doing this to get him to come to his senses. My point is you should've found some <em>boy <em>to play dress-up with. Instead, you dragged Dave down with you."

"I didn't drag him into shit." Mindy spat. "He was Kick-Ass before he ever met me. He's not with me out of guilt. He could have walked away from it, but he chose not to, because Kick-Ass is _part of who he is._" She paused, processing yet another one of Katie's warped ideas. "And what do you mean, find a _boy_? You know he's only 4 years older than me, right? And it's not like he's the most mature guy in the world, either." She smiled. "But clearly I don't mind."

"Well, I'm not going to argue with you." Katie rolled her eyes wearily. Mindy doubted that. "I'm just going to call the police and tell them you're here, and put an end to all this."

"That's your master plan? Stuff me into a Halloween costume and hand me over to the cops?" Mindy snickered.

"They'll put you in prison, and Dave will be free to live his life." Katie explained with a self-satisfied smile.

For a moment, Mindy was speechless. "There is so much crazy in you there's just no room for logic anymore, is there? What am I guilty of? Being in a costume and being tied up? Even if they thought I was really Hit Girl, there's no way in hell they'd put me in prison." The bound girl laughed. "Look at me; I'm a minor, _and_ I'm adorable! No jury would send me to the grown-up clink. Worst case is juvie, and I could break out of there no problem." Katie's smug look faltered. "And _if_ they put me away - either juvie or prison, doesn't matter - Dave would spend every waking moment trying to get me out, not spending time with _your _crazy ass."

"You're wrong." Katie shook her head, fuming. "After he gets used to life without you again, he'll be horrified at the things you two did together. He'll put the costume away, and he'll come back to me."

"Keep telling yourself that." Mindy smiled condescendingly.

Katie ignored her, dialing 911 on a cheap pre-paid phone. "I have a tip. I know where Hit Girl is." She boasted. She then gave the address of the building. There was a pause as the dispatcher said something to her. "Yes, I'm aware that abuse of 911 carries a _fine, _and I would be worried about that _if_ I was lying, which _I'm not_!" She huffed through clenched teeth. There was another stretch of silence. "I'm not even _doing_ this for the reward! Keep it for all I care!" She cried. "A few _hours_? You're serious? Then don't be surprised when she's gone. Goodbye." She hung up, stony-faced and sullen. After closing her eyes and taking a few deep breaths, she seemed to recover, tapping something out on the phone.

"Today just isn't your day, Mindy." She sighed. "Plan A fell through."

Mindy let out a snort of mirth. "I noticed."

"Laugh all you want, because plan B is a lot less fun for you. I'd like to see you escape from hell. Probably a little tougher than juvie, huh?" She laughed darkly, looking up from the phone.

"And what's Plan B? You gonna leave me here to starve? I know you don't have what it takes to kill me." Mindy did her best to look bored.

"Plan B is an old friend of yours. I think he'll be excited to see you again." Katie checked her phone again, then smiled smugly. "He's on his way."

* * *

><p>Meanwhile, somewhere in Manhattan, an oddly-dressed young man received some good news. He wore what had once been an expensive, high-quality suit - pilfered from his father's closet and re-tailored to fit him. It was probably imported from Italy or something. He didn't know. He had probably reduced its value quite a bit when he dyed it blood-red, but such was the price of style. "Change of plans, boys. The strippers will just have to start without us. Somebody just made me an offer I can't refuse." <em>Tonight's new agenda: vengeance. <em>He smiled broadly, putting his phone back into his garish jacket and plotting a course for the address Goodbye Nurse had just shared with him.

* * *

><p>"Fuck! Katie is Goodbye Nurse! Listen to her latest post: 'What's black and purple and red all over? My time-sensitive gift to you, TheMotherfucker. Reply soon.' She's handing Mindy over to Chris D'Amico!"<p>

"_Fuck_." Dave hissed as he ran. "Have you got the location yet?"

"Yeah." He rattled off the address. "Let's see... what is this place?" He muttered. "Looks like a gymnastics academy. Take a right on 173rd when you get to it. Look for a building with a purple awning."

"I will. Can you do something for me? Call the Crusader. I need him and Lateral G. Right now. Tell them it's an emergency. Meet there." He huffed.

"Got it." Marty began looking for the number Dave had provided for the older hero.

"Marty?" Dave asked.

"I'm here, dude."

"Is there... anything you can do... to let her know I'm coming without tipping off Katie?" Dave wheezed desperately.

"I don't know. Let me think." He kneaded his forehead, took a deep breath, and brought up the function list for Cerberus. "What are my options?" He muttered under his breath. "Oh. That'll work."

* * *

><p>Mindy's phone sounded off like a car alarm.<p>

"Who's calling you?" Katie demanded.

"I don't know. You could try looking." Mindy suggested dully.

"Low battery." Katie muttered. Mindy could see the screen, and noticed that it displayed a black 'low battery' message against a pure white background. Her low battery message looked nothing like that, and it didn't make that sound, either. Somewhere, Marty was trying to find her. And that meant so was Dave. She tried not to smile.

"Are you worried yet?" Mindy asked nonchalantly.

"No." Katie snorted in amusement. "Why would I be?"

"Because you're not ready for Chris D'Amico." She declared. "And because it's obvious that I'm walking out of here, and you're not."

"Is it opposite day already? I guess that _is _a game for your age group." Katie said petulantly.

Mindy ignored the jab at her age. "Dave knows I didn't make it home. He's going to find me soon. Really soon. And when he gets here and sees what you did to me, he's gonna _gut_ you." She grinned malevolently, the blood at the corner of her lips making her look all the more menacing.

"Dave wouldn't hurt me." Katie sneered. "And he's not coming for you."

"And you know what we'll do next?" Mindy pressed on. Katie didn't respond other than to fix Mindy with a hard stare. Mindy leaned forward as much as she could while tied up. "We're gonna pretend your corpse is a ratty old sofa, and we're gonna _fuck on it." _She hissed.

Katie closed her eyes and visibly shivered.

"On second thought, I might have him tie you up first so you can _watch_. Maybe you'll learn something." She smiled impishly.

"And what the fuck do you think I'd learn from _you,_ little _girl?_" Katie snarled. Mindy could see the spit flying from her lips.

"Maybe what love actually looks like?" The bound girl shrugged with a smug and easy smile.

Dave found the building Marty had described. From the outside, it appeared dark. He jogged around to the back of the building. A sliver of light was visible under the back door. As quietly as he could, he pulled it open and peeked inside. There was a little girl with a coloring book seated at a folding table. The door creaked and the girl turned to look at him. Dave put a finger to his lips, hoping she'd take the hint. He watched her for a moment. She watched _him_ for the entire duration of that moment. _If someone was there, she'd probably be looking at them, not me._ He decided to step inside. It seemed to be something like a break room, and the little girl was indeed alone. "Hi." Dave whispered.

"Hi." The little girl whispered back. "Are you Kick-Ass?" Her eyes went wide and she clamped a hand over her mouth in panic. "I'm not supposed to say your name!" She hissed worriedly.

"I am, and I need you to tell me something. Are there two other girls here?" He asked quietly, pointing to the door leading to the rest of the building.

The little girl nodded. "They're playing dress-up." She whispered.

_Yeah, that's them._ "Stay here." Dave pointed to the chair the little girl already occupied.

She looked at him with mild interest for a moment. "OK." She shrugged and returned to her coloring book.

He ripped the door open and stalked out, finding roughly what he'd been looking for. Mindy was tied to one of the poles that formed the building's support structure, and Katie was pacing somewhat nervously, her eyes glued to a phone as if waiting for something.

"Katie, what the hell do you think you're doing?" Dave demanded.

"Told you he'd come." Mindy smiled smugly.

Katie whipped to face Dave and stuttered weakly for a moment. She'd never heard that much bass in Dave's voice. She'd never seen him this angry.

Dave quickly made his way to Mindy, practically ignoring Katie. "Are you OK?" He asked, cupping her cheek.

"M'fine." She murmured, pressing herself into his touch.

Suddenly, Katie found her voice. "Dave, stop it! Don't touch her like that!" Her voice was high with indignation, though it wavered a bit with something like anguish. Before she could admonish Dave for such an age-inappropriate relationship, he was upon her.

"What the fuck is wrong with you?" He grabbed Katie by the front of her white dress, nearly lifting her off the ground. "Do you know how worried I was? What _is_ this? You can't handle losing someone because you were acting stupid, so this is what you do instead?" Dave flung a hand out to indicate Mindy. He was nearly incoherent with anger. Katie gazed up at Dave, terrified. He forged ahead since it appeared she'd lost her voice again. "You dress up like a villain and scare people? Why? Why would you do this?" He shook her and threw her to the ground.

"For you!" Katie screamed, cowering and crying as Dave loomed over her. "I love you, idiot! I'm not going to watch you die! And I knew _she_ was the reason you were taking stupid risks!" She pointed an accusing finger at Mindy, who rolled her eyes.

"I went over this with her." The bound girl explained flatly. "She's got a thick skull."

"No shit." Dave spat, shaking his head at Katie in disgust. "Mindy's not the reason I'm a hero. She's the reason I'm a _good_ hero, and she's the reason I'm still here. Without her, I would've been dead ten times already." Dave sighed. "She's also the reason I'm happy."

"But she's going to get you killed!" Katie was sobbing freely now, still cowering on the floor. "You're good, Dave. You're a good person. I don't want you to die." She shook her head desperately, her voice cracking as she spoke.

"I don't want him to either." Mindy explained with a roll of her eyes. "I love him and I want him to live, but _living_ is doing what you know is right."

"She's right." Dave nodded.

"Is this _really _how you want to spend the rest of your life?" Katie demanded, gesturing to the battered, sloppily-dressed girl tied to a pole.

"As long as Mindy's with me, yeah. It is." Dave admitted softly.

Katie sighed, and it seemed as though she was releasing something heavier than air. It had all gone so, so wrong. She'd been defeated. She'd been measured against a fourteen-year-old and found wanting. That stung quite a bit, and that was _before_ Dave threw her like a rag doll and told her point-blank that he loved Mindy more. It was time to cut her losses. "I can't go to prison, Dave. And I can't let my sister find out why I borrowed Becky."  
><em><br>That would explain the little girl I passed. Kind of. _"If I let you go, you're going to leave us alone forever, and you're going to keep our secret to yourself." Dave decreed. Katie hadn't realized that it was actually in _everyone's _best interest for her to go free - the police would link her to Dave and all the hero business pretty easily.

"I will." She nodded in resignation, wiping a stray tear away.

"Then get out of here." Dave pointed toward the back door, and Katie scurried off, grabbing her niece along the way.

The young couple heard Katie speak huskily to Becky as they left. "Lick my hand, sweetie. I've gotta get this makeup off."

"Eww!" The little girl moaned.

"_Just do it!_" Katie sobbed, and then they were gone.

The lovers shared a smirk over Katie's defeat, and Dave wrapped his arms around Mindy (and the pole). He embraced her for a long time, simply because he could, and because she looked like she could use it. She couldn't hug back, bound as she was, so she settled for nuzzling his shoulder with her cheek. "Love you." She murmured.

"Love you too. And I'm sorry." He whispered, squeezing her tightly.

"For what, sweet-cheeks?" She asked sympathetically. Whatever it was, she was already forgiving him.

"I'm sorry I didn't walk you home." He sighed guiltily.

"Don't beat yourself up over it. I walked into a trap. She used the kid as bait to draw me in." She tried to shrug, but the rope didn't allow it. "It's my fault."

"It wasn't your fault. You were trying to help someone." Dave said firmly. "I'll come with you from now on. Whether you like it or not." He smiled down at her, and his eyes conveyed a depth of feeling that his words couldn't. _I'm with you, for better or worse._

"Well, I can't say no to that." Mindy returned Dave's loving smile.

Dave bent down to kiss Mindy before he dropped to his knees and started to untie her.

"I've never been more worried in my life." He said with a sigh, beginning to work the knots apart.

"I... wasn't that worried." Mindy shook her head with a forced smile. "Katie's pretty inept, and I knew you were coming for me." A cliché came to mind, and she smiled cheekily. "My knight in..." She paused and frowned, taking in Dave's hoodie and jeans. "I guess our armor's still in the Wagon, huh?"

"Heh, yeah." Dave smirked. "Thanks for having faith, I guess." He smiled apologetically.

Suddenly, the Crusader stumbled through the back door, panting and fatigued. "I could swear I just passed... Goodbye Nurse on my way in... but-" He paused to take two big breaths. "She was crying and hauling a little girl along with her. What the hell..?" He gestured vaguely at Mindy, bound to a pole in a knock-off Hit Girl outfit.

"It's a long, weird story." Mindy shook her head.

"OK... Anyway, G's waiting for us in the Hit Wagon out back." He jerked his head toward the back door, still panting.

"Great." Dave said doggedly. "We need to get out of here. The Motherfucker might be on his way, and neither of us is dressed for a fight. I should have her out of here... sometime today. _Damn _these knots are crazy." He muttered. "Could you grab a knife or something from the Wagon?" He asked Crusader. "And as long as you're going, could you take all that stuff out with you?" Dave gestured to the pile that included Mindy's clothes and phone.

"Yeah, just..." The large man in the gleaming armor took another gulp of air.

"Why are you so out of breath?" Mindy inquired.

Dave handed the Crusader his phone while the older man caught his breath. "Here, you're on with Mission Control. Let him know what's up."

Crusader accepted the phone. "I ran... had to be... 20 blocks. G just picked me up a minute ago. I'll get your knife." Crusader shook his head and walked out, stopping to gather the items Dave had mentioned.

Dave continued working at the knots, actually making surprising progress while Crusader was gone.

Mindy broke the silence with a question. "I know you were trying to make her see reason, but... did you really mean that you want to spend the rest of your life with me?" She asked hesitantly.

Dave paused his battle with the rope to get up and kiss her yet again, then looked her straight in the eye. "Yeah. I mean it."

"Good. I'd like that a lot." Mindy's smile was radiant.

"OK, I got the knife." Crusader jogged in through the back door, holding one of Mindy's large fighting knives.

"Freeze!" An authoritative voice boomed out from the doorway leading to the front of the building.

"Oh come _on_!" Mindy shouted in frustration. She couldn't believe that on top of everything else, the police would actually show up.

Happily, Dave had just loosened the rope enough for Mindy to step out of it. "Run." Dave whispered, giving her hand a fleeting squeeze before turning to face the intruding policemen with his hands in the air. He positioned himself to cover Mindy's retreat, giving her a chance to bolt out the back. The cops only got a glimpse of black and purple before she was gone.

"Can I help you guys?" Dave asked with a smile.

"Keep those hands up." A large, well-built policeman commanded. Crusader dropped the knife and Dave continued to reach for the sky with a placid smile. "Go after the girl!" The big cop ordered, pointing to a young-looking officer who gave a clipped nod and made to run out the back door. Dave couldn't allow that to happen. Keeping his hands up, he stepped quickly to the side and kicked the young cop's knee sideways, causing him to crumple to the ground.

"Shit!" The cop yelled, clutching his knee. It seemed he'd landed rather hard on it. _Good. Stay down. _

"You think you're helping yourself?" The large cop growled, stepping forward menacingly. "Assaulting an officer. Your night's getting worse, kid."

"I won't argue that." Dave sighed. He looked at the cop on the ground. "I'm really sorry man, but I can't have you chasing Hit Girl. I'll cooperate from now on."

"Sure you will." The large man scoffed. "On your knees." Dave complied. He didn't have a gun, his batons, or his gauntlets. Even if he had them, he wasn't sure he could fight a cop. They were on the same team, even if this particular cop didn't seem to be a vigilante sympathizer. _Maybe it's that damn reward._

"How about you? You gonna give me any trouble, buddy?" The cop pointed his gun at the Crusader.

Crusader bowed apologetically. "No, sir. Might be having a mild heart attack, and I'm wearing football pads with a few pounds of epoxy and a coat of spray-paint. You shoot me, I'm dead. I'm ready to go when you are." He sighed.

"That's what I like to hear." The cop smiled patronizingly. He cuffed Crusader, leaving both heroes on their knees until another officer could come in to assist them.

_Now would be a decent time to rush in and disarm the cops, Mindy._ But it didn't happen.

A new officer entered to replace his fallen comrade. He was a short, round man with a very stereotypical copstache. He hauled Dave to his feet, leaving Crusader for his larger colleague to handle. The young cop was still on the ground. "Quit screwin' around." The fat cop said gruffly, well aware that the younger man was hurt. It seemed he thought he was some kind of comedian.

The heroes were ushered outside and into the back of a waiting police car. When the doors closed, the Crusader broke the silence with a ten-ton sigh. "Do you think Hit Girl got away?"

"Yeah." Dave nodded. _She has to._

"Good." Crusader said wearily.

"Do you think G got away?" Dave asked.

"It depends. If he stayed in the car..." He trailed off and sighed again. "I don't know. I hope so."

"The Wagon's bulletproof." Dave recalled hopefully. "If he stays inside with the doors locked, Hit Girl could eventually pull the cops off of him. She might already be in there with him. G couldn't ask for a better ally right now."

"I believe that." Crusader nodded stoically.

Silence reigned again. Dave watched another police car parked near them, hoping that he wouldn't see Mindy being forced into it. _So far, so good. _She was unarmed and totally vulnerable to gunfire. If there were enough cops with guns on her, even _she_ might not be able to get out of it.

"Is G your best friend?" Dave asked hesitantly.

"He's my _only_ friend." Crusader answered. His smile turned wry. "The only one who really knows me, anyway." He was silent for a moment. "Do you and Hit Girl... _see_ one another, out of costume?" Crusader asked.

Dave almost said she was his best friend and his girlfriend out of costume, but that would imply knowledge of her identity. There was no telling whether he was being recorded, or whether Crusader might later be persuaded to flip on him. "We both wish we could." He lied. But there was a measure of truth in it - right now, he'd give just about anything to _not_ be a costumed vigilante with her - to hole up in his basement and simply love one another like normal people without worrying about how much DNA evidence they were leaving behind.

The other police car remained empty. _Still no Mindy. _

He concluded that heroism was probably worth... _this._ But only because it had led him to Mindy. At the moment, that was all he could really find to love in the strange path he'd chosen. The glory, the fleeting satisfaction and the love of a city suddenly seemed quite worthless. He supposed it was a matter of perspective.

"So why'd you start doing the hero thing?" Dave asked.

"Penance." The larger man replied. "How about you?"

"I just... had to do _something._" Dave explained, shaking his head.

"I know the feeling." Crusader cracked a small smile.

Mindy had summarized it quite well when she said he'd gotten tired of taking the world's shit. He'd expected the heroism to bring him some kind of peace, but Mindy brought him more peace than any patrol ever had. To know Mindy was to know that he wasn't alone - that someone understood.

Two cops piled into the front of the squad car. _Good._ Dave concluded. _She must have gotten away._

The comedian was in the passenger seat, but the cop who'd entered the driver's side was new. He was also black. For a split-second, Dave entertained a wild hope that the cop might be Marcus, and that they'd still find a way out of this. But it wasn't him. _Wrong precinct, wrong haircut. I'm going to jail._

"So, the famous Kick-Ass. I heard your girlfriend bailed on you back there." The comedian cop looked back at Dave with a cheesy grin. "Love's a bitch, ain't it?"

"What's your excuse for not catching her?" Dave asked. The cop had no answer to that.

"What about you? What's your deal, biggun?" He addressed Crusader this time. "You friends with Kick-Ass?"

"I am the Crusader. God demands that you release us both. Kick-Ass and I have noble work to do in His name." He spoke powerfully, as though he was standing in front of a pulpit instead of sitting in the back of a police car.

"I'm not... this isn't jihad or anything..." Dave clarified nervously, leaning forward to make sure the cops could hear him. He was concerned that they would tell people he was some kind of religious nut. Come to think of it, since when had the Crusader been so overtly religious? "What are you doing?" Dave whispered so that only Crusader could hear him. The car began to move.

"Working on my insanity defense. Feel free to jump on board. 'God made me do it' seems like a good start. Psych ward beats prison." He murmured.

Dave leaned his head against the window and closed his eyes in despair. _Maybe I should take him up on it. Maybe we can share the same padded cell._ He sighed, fogging up the glass. He wasn't afraid of prison - he could defend himself against fists and shivs. He was afraid of losing Mindy for a very long time - maybe forever, depending on the charges. There's no way she'd be able to visit him. They'd realize who she was immediately. Today was probably the end of his life with Mindy. Still, at least she was free.

**I've had this chapter 80% written for a looooong time. Feels great to finally get it out. Also, Cerberus is a real app, and it can do everything it did in this story and more. Best four bucks you can spend if you have an Android phone.  
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	15. Chapter 15

**Someone said the fact that the police arrived quickly was an inconsistency, implying that I'm just lazy or stupid. No, it was intentional, and it's called a surprise. A 911 dispatcher is not the narrator. Her word is not gospel. Shit changes. If every background character supplies your protagonists with information that's both 100% accurate and relevant, there's not much room for conflict, is there?  
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**Please review!  
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**New York's Finest**

_I really shouldn't have come alone. _That was Chris D'Amico's final thought as his vision was filled with a brilliant white light, and then he was no more.

* * *

><p>"You really think we can get them back?" A muffled but hopeful voice inquired.<p>

"We have to try." _He just told me he's spending the rest of his life with me. Not letting him go now._"Kick-Ass is too pretty for prison - you should see him without the mask." Mindy smirked.

"If you say so." G muttered apprehensively.

"Have a little faith. When you party with Hit Girl, anything's possible." Mindy hoped very much that her own faith would be justified.

"I've got a lock on them. They're northbound on 172nd. Are you guys close?" Marty's voice came from Mindy's phone.

"We're getting there. Tell me if they turn." Mindy replied. She was incredibly thankful that the Crusader had managed to hold onto Dave's phone. She had immediately asked Marty to track it, and he'd come through with flying colors.

"You got it." Marty replied. Unexpectedly, a voice came from behind him.

"What are you doing?" Marty's father had come into the kitchen for a bag of chips and began eating them noisily behind him, watching over his shoulder.

"Saving the world." Marty answered distractedly.

"Which one?" His father asked dubiously.

It took Marty a moment to process the question - he was busy figuring out which precinct he needed to be listening to on the police scanner. When he finally played the words back, he was aggravated. His father thought everything he ever did on a computer was a game. "God dammit it's not an MMO! I've been clean for a year. Seriously, lives hang in the balance, here." Suddenly the dot on one of his maps changed course. He held the speak button down. "Left! They just turned at 83rd."

"OK." A female voice came from the speakers on his laptop.

"Well, try to keep it down. Your mother's trying to sleep." Marty's Dad sighed and shook his head as he watched his son work. "What are you doing, really?"

"Putting my experience as a raid leader to use." Marty muttered.

"What?" His father's face was imploding under the weight of the confusion he felt.

"I'm..." Marty struggled to think up a decent excuse for having six maps of the city and three lines of communication open. "I'm coordinating a game of capture the flag. It's a tournament. Big game."

"At two in the morning?" He appeared skeptical.

"Yes." Marty responded with a sharp nod.

"Are they paying you?" His father asked flatly.

Marty closed his eyes and took a deep breath. "Sure. Yeah. If we win." He shook his head and shrugged impatiently.

"Good luck then. Night." The older man yawned and shuffled out of the room.

Several cautiously ignored red lights later, Mindy and Lateral G were looking at the back of a police cruiser.

"That's them." Mindy breathed a sigh of relief.

"Fuck yeah!" G cheered. He leaned forward, trying to peer into the back of the car. "Aww, Kroos's probably folded up like a pretzel in there. I think his head's touching the cage."

Meanwhile, Mindy was making a call.

"The fuck does this guy want?" Dave heard the driver mutter indignantly. He opened his eyes and noticed that the interior of the car was much brighter than it had been.

"What?" The comedian cop asked.

"There's some asshole riding our bumper." The driver replied.

Dave turned around, straining to see out of the rear window in the cramped back seat. It was a black Range Rover. As they passed under a street light, he saw that the grille was smashed and covered with fresh blood. He grinned hugely as he noticed Mindy in her proper Hit Girl armor protruding from the moonroof and blowing him a kiss. She also appeared to be on the phone with someone. Dave nudged Crusader's leg excitedly. "Forget your insanity defense. Check it out." He whispered. "The cavalry's here."

The Crusader turned around in time to see Mindy disappearing back into the Hit Wagon. "Oh, boy." He muttered nervously. "What's the safety rating on these police cruisers?" He inquired, addressing no one in particular.

"Car 623, car 623, be advised, you are being pursued." The radio crackled.

"And we're hearing that from dispatch?" The driver was thoroughly confused.

The other cop picked up the radio. "Dispatch, this is 623, who told you we're being pursued?" He demanded.

"911 call. She says she's Hit Girl, and she's right behind you. She says she wants her partner back." The two cops shared a look of worry. "She said you have thirty seconds to comply. Message ends 2:38:12. Anybody near 623 out there? Looks like they could use some backup."

The comedian kneaded his forehead with the heel of his hand. Perhaps he was beginning to see the gravity of the situation.

"Trust me, you don't want to see her angry. Better just pull over and let us out." Dave shrugged cheekily.

"Keep dreaming." The driver scoffed. Still, Dave detected a hint of fear in his voice.

"Alright, no dice." Mindy put her phone away and crawled over the seats into the cargo area. "Time to play dirty." She dug out some rope, her guns and a fighting knife, transferring them into one of the rear seats. "You're going to have to slow them down."

Lateral G was terrified, yet oddly calm. "This is it. A heroic chase. I've had dreams like this before." His tone implied a terminal sort of peace.

"How did they end?" Mindy asked apprehensively as she clambered back into the front seat weighed down with deadly weapons.

"Suicide by cop or T-boning a bus." He answered with an odd amount of pride.

"None of that today." Mindy requested. "Just cripple the car, but don't hurt anyone. Everybody's getting out of this alive."

"Right." G nodded.

"This is unit 623. If someone could peel the black SUV off my ass, I'd appreciate it." The driver put the radio down and let out a heavy sigh.

The comedian cop twisted to face Dave and Crusader. "Why do you guys have to do this shit to us? Why can't you just go through the police academy like everyone else?" He asked plaintively.

"Too many rules, low job satisfaction." Dave answered.

"I'm colorblind." Crusader shrugged. Suddenly he appeared to remember something, and his face fell. "It's been more than thirty seconds, hasn't it?" He asked.

The next thing they knew, there was a mighty roar from the Hit Wagon and they were thrown violently forward.

G swerved to the side, putting on a burst of speed to draw even with the cop car's rear bumper. He turned into it, attempting to spin the cops out. He succeeded in slowing them down and kept the pressure on, preventing them from regaining traction. Mindy reached up to open the moonroof.

"Are you gonna shoot the tires out or something?" G inquired.

"I'm not shooting at them! My boyfriend's in there." She scoffed. "Gonna have to do this hands-on."

The next thing G knew, Mindy was standing on the rear console, preparing to climb onto the roof. "Are you kidding?" He demanded.

"Nope." Mindy replied. "Try to avoid sudden movements." With that, she disappeared.

G resumed his efforts to keep the cop car off-balance so that Mindy could work her magic, nudging the sedan's rear bumper until it was skidding sideways, telegraphing his movements so that Mindy could prepare for them. They were probably still doing 15 mph, but it appeared that was good enough for Mindy. She jumped, and with a dull thump, she landed on the roof of the cop car.

"Hell yeah!" Lateral G cheered. He backed off the throttle to give the fearless girl some room.

"Nice!" Dave grinned up at the roof of the car, imagining Mindy perched atop it like a sexy bird of prey.

"No, fuck that." The driver muttered angrily. He accelerated, and Dave experienced a moment of heart-stopping panic as one of Mindy's legs shot out over the rear windshield, but was relieved to see her regain her footing, planting a boot on the trunk. She wasn't going anywhere.

Meanwhile, Mindy was frantically tying her rope around one of the pillars supporting the light bar. She gave the rope a tug with one hand while still holding the bar with the other. The rope seemed solid. It was time for the _more _dangerous part. She allowed herself to slip back over the car, crouching on the trunk. Carefully, she reached around to open Dave's door. The latch gave way, but it stayed closed due to wind resistance and her lack of leverage. Dave helped her out by pushing it open with his foot, and though it was a serious strain, it gave Mindy the opening she was looking for. She swung down into the gap he'd created, clinging to the door. "Hey sweet-cheeks." She said breathlessly.

Dave couldn't quite see her face, as her head was still mostly outside the car. He was tortured by his inability to help her. He couldn't even reach out to her. All he could do was watch as the driver put on a brutal burst of speed, causing the door to swing in and crush Mindy against the frame. Still, she held on. _Yay armor._

"Are you ready to give up yet?" Dave demanded, leaning forward to address the cops. "Because she won't." _Please just give up._

"We'll see." The driver braked savagely. The car screeched to a stop, sending Mindy flying off into the street ahead. Since she'd still been holding the door, it came off its hinges and tumbled along a few feet away from her. She rolled head over heels several times, ultimately landing in a crouch. The cops were disturbed to notice she didn't look injured at all - just pissed off. Her wig was slightly askew.

"She's like a cat." The driver muttered weakly.

"She does tend to land on her feet." Dave said evenly. "I told you guys not to make her mad." He casually reminded the cops of their folly.

"Jesus..." The comedian muttered. "What's she like in the sack?" He addressed Dave without looking back.

Dave smirked. "Relentless_._" He answered proudly. It was a partial truth, and the cops would have their proof soon enough.

Having shaken Mindy, and now missing a door, the policeman driving noticed that the costumed girl was approaching the car with her gun drawn and mashed the accelerator in an effort to leave her behind. The problem was that Mindy was still in front of the car. As they put on a burst of speed to pass her, she holstered her gun and began sprinting away from the car, then alongside it. As it threatened to draw even with her, she cast a final look over her shoulder to get the timing just right and threw herself into the air where the car was about to pass. There was a pop, followed by an awful scraping sound which was accompanied by a shower of sparks from the roof.

Four fingertips popped into view curled around Dave's open door sill. The light bar dangled over the rear windshield, a casualty of Mindy's heroic leap.

"Are you _serious?_" The driver demanded. He began swerving back and forth to try to shake the unflappable heroine, but that only gave her the chance she needed to swing in, sprawling over Dave's and Crusader's laps.

"You OK?" Dave and Mindy asked each other in unison. They shared a smile for just an instant before Mindy returned to business.

By the time the cop in the passenger seat managed to draw his gun, Mindy had hers pointed squarely at his face. "Stop the car." She said flatly.

"Stop the car!" The officer repeated shrilly, tossing his gun over his shoulder and putting his hands up in surrender.

The two cops kept their hands in the air as the car screeched to a halt on the sidewalk (keeping his hands up precluded the driver from steering). Mindy ordered the cops to throw their sidearms out of the vehicle.

"Everybody out!" Mindy commanded. She unhooked Dave's and Crusader's seatbelts and exited the car after Dave, walking around the smashed rear bumper, keeping her gun trained on the comedian the entire time. She opened the Crusader's door and he stepped out, unfolding his large body with a look of immense relief.

"Oh, sweet _land_..." He gasped joyously, closing his eyes and savoring the ground beneath his feet for a moment before jogging awkwardly toward the Hit Wagon.

Dave heard what sounded like far too many sirens in the distance and also began walking backwards toward the waiting Range Rover. He watched Mindy stalk back to the fat cop, approaching from an angle that gave her a view of his partner as well. "Keys." She demanded, extending a hand expectantly. The doughy man scrambled to comply, relinquishing his handcuff keys. "Thanks. Nothing personal, guys." She smiled at both of them, copying Dave's backward trek to their escape vehicle.

Dave smiled and gave an exaggerated shrug at the astonished cops. "What can I say? She's relentless!" He yelled.

"No kidding." The comedian muttered to himself.

The streets around them suddenly erupted with police cars, and Mindy picked up the pace accordingly, opening the back door for Dave and shoving him inside. She followed just quickly enough to hear gunfire pinging off the closing door. Crusader had already gotten into the front seat next to Lateral G, so they took off.

The first thing Mindy did after they were snug in their bulletproof cocoon was haul Dave across the rear console by his collar and kiss him roughly. She released him with an exaggerated smacking of her lips. "Didja miss me?" She asked.

"More than you'll ever know." He smiled. "So what happened to the Hit Wagon?" He asked.

"Are you kidding, man? You were there!" G pointed out from the driver's seat, not looking back as he applied himself to the task of losing the police.

"He means _before _you rammed us." Crusader offered helpfully.

"Oh, yeah." G said brightly, though he offered no further explanation, as he was busy racking up style points.

"If you're talking about the light cosmetic damage and the blood, that's what's left of Chris D'Amico." Mindy said smugly, releasing him from his handcuffs.

"No way!" Dave grinned.

"He's really dead?" Marty's voice piped up from the cupholder where Mindy had left her phone.

"Yup. G saw him trying to come in through the back of the building and flattened the fucker. When I came out, Chris was still pinned between the car and the wall. No way he survived. G squished him like a bug." She crowed, reaching awkwardly behind Crusader to undo his cuffs as well.

"Way to go, G!" Dave reached forward to clap their driver on the back.

"Thanks. I was conflicted." He admitted. "I knew I should probably kill him, but I really didn't want to get out of the car, so I think it was a good compromise." He said modestly.

Dave would have agreed, but Mindy had just crawled into his lap and was determined to keep his lips busy.

* * *

><p>Lateral G had the time of his life doing battle with the police. He smashed through roadblocks ("Ooh, shoot at me! I'm so scared!" He cackled as the bullets glanced off the windshield), ignored several no left turn signs, and went out of his way to run over a "no parking" sign. After Marty guided them through enough construction zones and back alleys to lose the cops (which Lateral G found incredibly fun, having developed a disdain for road construction over the years), the young heroes found themselves in an unfamiliar garage, surrounded by what they imagined to be the most impressive cars in the city in various states of disassembly. "This is where you work?" Dave asked as they all piled out. Crusader walked off alone, muttering something about needing the bathroom. It seemed he knew his way around.<p>

"Yeah." G replied. "But do me a favor and don't look at the sign on your way out." He chuckled nervously.

"Whatever you say. We owe you big-time." Dave agreed.

"Yeah, thanks for helping me get my man back." Mindy punctuated her statement by slapping Dave's ass. He only flinched a little.

"No problem. Thanks for helping me get Kroos back." G smiled at Mindy.

"My pleasure. So what's the outlook for the Hit Wagon?" Mindy nodded at the broken, bloody car.

"I'll probably have to take care of the body work myself. The blood might be a little difficult to explain." G looked at the bloody grille with distaste. Suddenly, he snapped his fingers triumphantly. "I'll just say I hit a deer!" He nodded enthusiastically, then faltered, noticing the damage from repeatedly ramming the police, along with several signs of gunfire. "As for the rest... the deer's family came after me. With sledgehammers." He nodded slowly. "Yeah. That'll work."

"Well, thanks again for bailing us out. Spare no expense getting it back to normal. If you want to charge us for solid gold rims or something, do it. We owe you." Dave shook G's hand vigorously.

"Gold would just slow me down." G replied, genuinely confused. "I guess I could look into carbon brakes - I dunno if they'll fit under the bulletproof hubs, but..."

"Just do something expensive." Dave held up a hand to cut him off. "And maybe throw a tarp over it before someone sees it."

"Definitely." G agreed. He surveyed the heroic, battered and pock-marked getaway vehicle again, shaking his head in wonder. "You know, every time I see you guys, it's the most interesting night of my life." He mused.

"We have that effect on people." Mindy smiled demurely.

"It's fun, but I really don't know if I can take it again." G shook his head doggedly.

"My thoughts exactly." Crusader piped up. He'd returned from the bathroom. "G, I changed at home, so I might need to borrow some clothes..."

"I'll see if we've got a spare jumpsuit." G sighed. He turned back to Dave and Mindy before he left to help Crusader. "You guys good from here?"

"Yeah, thanks again." Dave nodded.

"No problem. I'll let you know when the car's ready." He began to lead Crusader off in search of clothing.

"Take your time!" Mindy called to his retreating back.

Dave smirked. He was perfectly OK with a break too. _Probably best to lay low for a while._ "I think I'll walk you home this time." He smiled, putting an arm around Mindy's waist.

"If by 'walk' you mean 'take a cab' and by 'home' you mean the safehouse. If you think I'm sleeping alone after all that, you're sadly mistaken." She rose to her tiptoes to peck him on the lips.

"Alright, safehouse it is." Dave agreed. "Just don't forget to tell Marcus."

"Yeah, he'd probably like to know I'm OK." Mindy grimaced, hoping - likely in vain - that her guardian hadn't been worrying too much about her.

After Dave removed his mask and Mindy changed back into civilian clothing in the dimly-lit garage, the young lovers parted ways, hailing separate cabs from separate companies to pick them up from separate corners. It was expensive, but necessary since the whole city was looking for a young, white, athletic and vertically mismatched couple.

Dave's cab arrived and he got in. "Hey chief, where to?" The driver inquired.

Dave gave the customary address for his late-night travels - near the safehouse, but not too near.

"You hear all this hero stuff that's goin' on tonight?" The driver asked.

"No, what happened?" Dave tried very hard to look mildly curious.

"The cops got Kick-Ass, but then Hit Girl _busted him out of the police convoy_." The man crowed. "They're sayin' she dropped out of the sky and wrecked about 6 cop cars. Bet the mayor's gonna shit himself when he wakes up to this." He cackled.

"Sounds like more fun than my night." Dave laughed. _Oh rumor mill. You so crazy._

"Oh yeah? Where you comin' from this late?" The driver asked.

"Lamest bachelor party ever. There was a catfight, but it ran out of steam pretty fast. That's it." He shook his head. "Boring as hell."

"Could be worse." The driver said sagely. "You could be a cop in Queens!" He guffawed.

"True. Very true." Dave agreed with a tired smile.


	16. Chapter 16

**I've had so much fun with this story.**

**Relentless**

Dave glanced at his phone and saw that Kick-Ass's inbox was blowing up. Many of their fans had figured out Katie's "black and purple and red" clue and were demanding to know if Hit Girl was alright. He smiled as he tapped out a message to assuage their concerns. "**Hey NY. HitGirl is fine. No more TheMotherfucker, no more Goodbye Nurse. Thanks to the NYPD for a memorable evening, and special thanks to Mission Control, Lateral G and The Crusader, without whom we wouldn't be here to tell you about it**." He then switched to his "Dave" ROM and sent his father a text indicating that the "party" had gone well and he'd be sleeping at a friend's place.

Meanwhile, in a separate cab, Mindy had a laugh over Dave's announcement and decided to make her own. "**Rough night. Cops tried to steal my man. #HeroProblems. Also, when you put KA in handcuffs, you're just giving me ideas :)**." She snickered quietly to herself as she hit the send button. She then rebooted the phone into the "Mindy" ROM to call Marcus.

"Hey, just wanted to let you know everything went fine and I'm taking a cab back to my place." 'My place' was a hint at the safehouse.

"Everybody's flipping their shit all over the city. They're turning it upside down looking for you." Marcus replied in a quiet monotone, trying to be discreet.

"Yeah, some creeps were hitting on us, but a couple of nice guys scared them off. I'm looking forward to bed. The boyfriend's going to keep me company." She assured him.

"You... are a difficult girl, Mindy." Marcus sighed. "I'm glad you're OK. Don't do anything stupid with Dave."

"Nothing stupid, I promise." Mindy smiled. 'Stupid' was subjective. What she had planned wasn't stupid at all. She preferred to think of it as... destiny. _We've earned this, dammit._

"OK. Get some rest. Love you, kiddo." She could hear the customary hopeful-but-tired smile in his voice.

"Love you too." She ended the call.

Dave arrived in the vicinity of the safehouse. He got out of the cab and dug through his pockets for some cash.

"What's in the bag?" The cabbie inquired. He indicated the large bag containing their weapons and costumes.

_Probably a little weird to bring a duffel bag to a bachelor party._ "Rubber chickens and lube." The man quirked an eyebrow at him. "It's an inside joke." Dave waved off the idea of explaining it, trusting the driver to understand that you just had to be there.

"Right." The driver said slowly, extending his hand for payment.

As he climbed the building's final flight of stairs - the elevator was usually broken - Dave was pleasantly surprised to find Mindy already there and waiting for him. She was sitting against the wall next to the door of the squalid little apartment they paid for in cash under a false name. Dave found it odd that she hadn't gone inside yet, since she was in the habit of carrying a key everywhere. Mindy rose as he approached, wrapping her arms around him and leaning into his chest. She drew a breath from his shirt and sighed in contentment.

"Let's go inside." Dave whispered with a loving smile, returning Mindy's squeeze of affection.

Dave pulled out his own key and unlocked the door. As he was about to enter, Mindy grabbed his arm. "Hey, hang on a second." Dave stopped. "I think..." She began playfully, tugging Dave down for a kiss while she finished forming her thought. "You should carry me over the threshold." She finished, nodding sagely to herself.

"Why?" Dave asked with curious smile.

Mindy gave an exaggerated sigh. "Well, we had a pretty good Damsel in Distress thing going before the cops crashed it. The white knight routine was really doing it for me." She smiled invitingly. The smile grew wider when Dave realized she was serious.

"I don't know." Dave's tone was teasing. "I think maybe I made a better damsel than you. Your rescue was a lot more heroic than mine. You ripped a door off a moving police car. I was hardly even in _costume_ when I rescued you. Maybe you should carry _me_ inside." He suggested with an overly-innocent shrug.

Mindy gave a sniff of mirth and shook her head. "Shut up and listen to your woman." She held her arms up in a bored way, waiting for him to make his move. He dropped the bag, scooped her up and held her bridal style as the occasion demanded. She hooked her arms around his neck and drew her legs in, allowing them to fit through the door without forcing Dave to walk sideways. Mindy had just enough time to plant a big, wet kiss on Dave's cheek before she was tossed onto the bed that dominated the bare little room. She squealed when she left Dave's arms and was laughing freely by the time she bounced to a standstill on the mattress.

Dave brought the bag in from the hall, removed his shoes and flopped down next to her. Mindy's response was to roll over until she was half on top of him. She sighed in contentment.

"Should we get some rest?" Dave asked. Mindy felt his chest rumble against her cheek.

"Actually, I'm kinda wired." Mindy admitted.

"You were practically asleep on your feet when we split up for the cabs!" Dave pointed out with amusement.

"Well, that was before we had a bed and some alone-time..." Mindy explained, clearly suggesting that it would be a crime to go to sleep under the circumstances. "I was thinking maybe we could... knock some boots." She suggested slyly.

"After all _that_, you want to have sex?" Dave laughed incredulously. She really was relentless, and at the strangest times, too.

"After all that, you _don't_?" She blustered.

"I told you I'd think about it!" Dave responded with a roll of his eyes.

"Yeah, so what exactly are you hung up on? Are you worried because it's so _adult_?" She asked mockingly. "Is it any more adult than a hostage situation or a drive-by jailbreak? Because we've done _both_ of those today. If anything, I'd say we should celebrate being alive and free." She dangled the suggestion like a candy bar on a string.

Dave just chuckled in response. He wasn't seriously considering it.

Mindy changed tactics.

She sat up on her knees, dropping her gaze to Dave's face, speaking in low tones with an air of reluctance. "You know, when I said I wasn't worried back there, I was lying. When she told me Chris was on his way, I was afraid I'd never see you again." She reached out and took Dave's hand. "Katie's not a killer, but even _Chris_ can't screw up if I'm already tied to a pole. After tonight, are you really gonna sit there and tell me we've got all the time in the world?" She asked earnestly.

Dave sat up and drew her in for a hug. "Well, we're here and we're safe. Besides, fear's not a good reason to do something like this." He countered gently.

"Alright, then." Mindy pushed Dave away in exasperation. "How about _love_?" She looked at him, wide-eyed and impatient. "You said you want to spend the rest of your life with me. You were willing to go to _prison_ just to keep me safe. And I was willing to go all road warrior to get you back, 'cause I _love the shit out of you_. And I totally would have broken you out of lockup if it came down to that." She took Dave's hand again and smiled softly. "It should be pretty obvious by now... I want to spend the rest of _my_ life with _you_. So what are we waiting for?" She demanded. Dave could tell that she wasn't angry with him, just frustrated - she genuinely wanted to know what was holding him back.

Dave really thought about it. He couldn't come up with an answer that didn't start with "statutory," and, if he was honest with himself, the last few hours had left him with less-than-warm feelings toward the law anyway. In the end, it came down to the simple fact that he loved her.

He loved her iron will, her razor-sharp wit, her sense of humor, her resilience, her startling natural beauty... everything. He'd just rescued her from an unhinged sociopath, sacrificed himself to the cops to buy her time to escape, and then been rescued from those same cops - by Mindy - moments later. Whatever the hell they were, it was probably a few steps past married. He'd even carried her over the threshold, for fuck's sake.

Really, what was he waiting for?

He came to a decision, followed by a realization. "But I _hate_ buying condoms." He moaned. "The clerks always wink at you, and it's so _late_..." He whined petulantly.

"We don't need any." Mindy explained, already taking her shirt off. As it popped over her head, she came out beaming - half-crazed, really - with excitement. "I'm on birth control."

"Since when? And how the hell did you get Marcus to agree to that?" Dave demanded in total astonishment.

"I started a couple days after our first date. And I made a series of rational arguments." She said smugly. "I told him it was going to happen eventually, and that I wanted to be ready when it did. I also told him it wasn't your idea at all. And then I promised not to tell you until the absolute last second." She appeared somewhat apologetic about the last part, but Dave wasn't bothered by it at all.

"Crafty." He nodded appreciatively.

Mindy was shedding clothing at an impressive rate, already having removed her shoes. Soon, her bra hit the floor. As the excitable girl rushed to remove her jeans, Dave decided to slow her down. He crawled up the bed and loomed over her, grabbing her hands and putting a stop to the frantic assault she'd mounted on her zipper. He gently lifted her hands, pinning them above her head. Mindy just smiled up at him. He leaned down to kiss her, slowly running his free hand down the length of one of her arms, taking special care to rake over her armpit - eliciting the shiver he'd come to know and love - then continuing down her side until he reached the top of her jeans.

Before he took his journey to its logical southern conclusion, he had to revisit something. He ran his fingers over her arms again, confirming the presence of little indentations there - the texture wasn't right. He broke the kiss so that he could examine her properly. Her arms were littered with faint red lines. "From the rope." Mindy explained with a little shrug, trying to express her wish that the lines not ruin the mood.

Dave heard the forced nonchalance with which she'd delivered the explanation, and he understood. _It's not a big deal. I get it. Doesn't mean I can't do this..._ He bent down to kiss the red marks, keeping his touches light and fleeting. He worked his way down her torso, finding even the faintest lines over her stomach and kissing those as well. Finally, his lips reached the top of her jeans. He kissed and sucked at the small valley in one of her hipbones, which was just barely protruding from her pants. She was incredibly ticklish there, and he knew (and loved) it.

"Fucking tease." She muttered.

Dave chuckled and finally decided to stop torturing her. He unzipped her jeans, pulling them off with a flourish and throwing them roughly in the direction her bra had gone. She now wore nothing more than Batman panties and a nervous smile.

"We can quit any time and I won't be upset." Dave reminded her, crawling back up her body and kissing her neck hungrily.

Mindy gasped when his teeth came into play. "Shut up and get naked." She breathed.

"Make me." He taunted.

She did. It was all over pretty quickly, too. He wasn't sure, but she might have ripped his pants. Either way, they were out of his sight before he could assess any possible damage.

Mindy's underwear vanished, and the young lovers soon found themselves drunk on each other's skin. The petite girl's mind was reeling with the sensation of Dave's body against hers. They knelt facing one another and reached out in unison to explore new territory. Dave's fingers met soft curls (which Mindy had left relatively unchecked as a mark of maturity), and Mindy's met... something she had trouble processing, despite having done some research.

_Holy shit it's like steel wrapped in velvet!_ Nothing she'd read had prepared her for actually touching him. Her studies in anatomy informed her that there wasn't an actual _bone_ in there, but she decided with awe that Dave certainly could have fooled her. "Wow." Mindy sighed. "You'd make a good hat rack." She giggled.

"I prefer to hang... _ladies_ on it." Dave said suavely.

"What _kind_ of ladies?" Mindy spoke with exaggerated curiosity.

"Costumed vigilantes." Dave replied, running his knuckles over Mindy's silky behind. "Short, cute ones. The kind who wear Batman underwear." He smirked, his eyes flicking to her bare hips, where said underwear had rested just moments before.

Mindy leaned toward Dave until her lips were almost touching his. "That's what I thought." She whispered. He could feel her smile as it met his own, segueing into a kiss that - like Mindy herself - seemed to move outside of time.

"Still want to?" Dave asked when Mindy pulled away.

"Hell yeah." She licked Dave's lips teasingly and gave him a squeeze. She turned away from him, got on all fours and looked over her shoulder expectantly. Dave looked politely amused. Her enthusiasm was cute, but the idea of her facing away from him held no appeal. He wanted to see her.

"Nope. We're not starting with that." He reached out and gently tipped her over onto her back.

"Then what?" She demanded playfully.

"Let's start slow, OK?" Dave pressed a kiss to one of her knees.

"OK." She agreed with a warm smile.

Dave settled over her, running the back of his hand over one of her shifting thighs, trying to settle his own nerves. _This is right. It's the right thing to do. She loves me and she won't regret this... And I love her more than I ever loved Katie._

He pressed himself against the source of wet heat between Mindy's legs, drawing a sharp gasp from her lips. Soon - but with the utmost caution - he was inside.

"Dave..." Mindy gave a strained sigh. His name was, in that moment, no longer a name, but an affirmation. Though she may have been wrapped around him, he was wrapped around her in a way that seemed far more substantial. As he slowly filled her, she had the most vivid sensation that she was falling, despite the fact that she was firmly sandwiched between Dave and the bed. She was suddenly certain that the Earth was moving - perhaps the planets were aligning. No - entire star systems were aligning. Dave found new depths, and she was sure the Milky Way was being jostled as if it were a die about to be thrown in some grand cosmic board game.

Dave was at the mercy of the powerful moment as well. He had expected Mindy to look fragile. He'd expected to feel guilt or shame or fear when he took this final leap with her, but as he entered her for the first time, her face gave him pause. Her eyes had been closed, but not scrunched up in anticipation of pain as he'd imagined. Her face was tense, but not fearful.

Mindy arched her back, pushing her head into the pillow beneath her and exposing the full glory of her neck, which Dave, infuriatingly, could not reach. Her lips parted in a silent gasp. Then, instead of closing herself off while the initial shock passed, she pulled Dave down and - difficult though it was - pressed her cheek against his. As Dave drew back to check her face for signs of pain, she opened her eyes and dealt his fears a terminal blow in the form of a lazy smile. Mindy was a woman - the same woman she'd been yesterday.

As the space between them disappeared, Dave felt that something was _off_ about this, mechanically speaking. He ran a hand between their bodies at the point of union, confirming what he'd guessed. _Nothing left._ She had taken all of him. One hundred percent shaft utilization. _But isn't this her first time?_ "I thought..." He began.

"Expecting a little more resistance?" Mindy cut in. "I took care of it myself with a hairbrush after the first time you got me off."

Dave's mouth dropped open a bit, and for a moment he was speechless. He soon found his voice again. "Why?"

"Well, you're such a pansy I thought you might lose your erection if you saw blood." She gave him a patronizing pat on the cheek. Dave stared at her with cynical, half-lidded eyes. "OK, I knew you wouldn't enjoy hurting me, you big sap." She admitted with a sigh and a subtle but fond smile. "I wanted this to be fun for both of us, so I got the bad part out of the way." She shrugged, lacing her fingers behind his neck. "So come on, less yappin', more lovin'."

"You're just full of surprises today. And you're right. I would have hated hurting you." He smiled lovingly.

Mindy was silent for a moment, savoring the feeling of Dave in her, around her, and on her. After a few seconds, she gave a little sniff of mirth. "Which is kind of silly, when you think about it. I mean, you've beaten me with a pipe before." She smiled warmly. Dave was certain he'd never seen that much love in Katie's eyes.

"Yeah, but you asked me to." He rolled his eyes sarcastically and kissed her forehead - the only part of her his lips could reach in his current position.

Mindy cocked an eyebrow. "I asked you to do this, too." She appeared to be slightly amused by the inconsistency. "Oh well." She sighed. "We're strange." She muttered, shaking her head.

"Yeah." Dave broke into a deep but quiet laugh and sunk over her body. He drew a breath from her hair, seeing as he was in the neighborhood. He then slid his right arm under her back and hooked a hand over her shoulder. Guessing where he was going with this, Mindy's eyes snapped closed and she bit her lip in excitement. Using the leverage afforded by his grip on her shoulder, he pulled out of her halfway, then slowly re-entered, filling her up once more.

A hissing sigh escaped Mindy's parted lips. Dave stroked in and out once more at a pace she considered agonizingly slow. She arched against him so that she could speak in the direction of his ear. "It feels good." She whispered. "But I know it can feel better." Her tone was almost accusing. "You're not going to hurt me, so be the stud I know you are..." She paused and took a breath. "And _screw me like you mean it_." Dave could hear the eager smile in her voice.

Dave pulled out almost all the way and truly pumped into her for the first time. It was heaven.

"Harder." She demanded with relish.

He began a steady rhythm, pulling out almost entirely and re-entering her forcefully with every stroke.

"Mmmm... yeah-h-h." The word began as a hiss before trailing off into little puffs of air on each thrust. Just as she'd hoped, it felt wonderful. Dave seemed to be enjoying himself too, if the hitching of his breath was any indication. Mindy tried to meet him with her hips, though she couldn't do much since she was essentially pinned beneath him. Of course, being pinned this way definitely wasn't the end of the world.

The sensation of Dave inside of her was wonderful, but she still couldn't help feeling like she needed more. She decided she had to know exactly how good it could get. "Faster, and as hard as you can, OK?" She urged him.

Dave's rhythm faltered. He seemed to take a moment to consider something. "Give me your legs." He panted gruffly.

The caution and hesitation were gone from his voice. The directness of the command and the hardness of his delivery were very much up Mindy's alley. She pulled her legs upward, folding them against her body. Dave then used his weight and his arms to corral her legs between them. He snaked his left arm under her shoulder, now holding her securely with both hands. With new leverage and nothing in his way, he proceeded to absolutely let her have it.

_"Ohshit!"_ Mindy exclaimed. _This is more like it!_ She quickly deduced that - at least for her - fun corresponded directly to force. It felt better than anything she'd ever experienced. Better than food, better than stabbing through a sternum, better than scaring the actual piss out of some gang-banger and then shooting him in the back from fifty feet away. _Better than the night we got our armor, and that felt amazing. _

Dave began to lose himself in Mindy, stirring her into a paste of nerve endings and happy feelings, occasionally whispering her name. Still, she wanted more. As Dave pounded her, she was struck with an idea. "Dave." Her voice had an edge she typically only used when threatening criminals. "Fuck me like Kick-Ass would fuck Hit Girl."

Dave pulled away from her slightly – just enough to see her face. When he saw the raw aggression and desire in her eyes, something in him seemed to snap. His hands moved from beneath her, settling over her chest, gripping near the base of her neck on either side. She barely had time to raise her legs and wrap them around him before he started to positively _hammer_ her. It could have been a fight, if not for the fact that Mindy showed no interest in resisting him. They were both covered in a sheen of sweat by the time Mindy climaxed a minute later. She came loudly and explosively, clawing frantically at Dave's back, muscles clenching and quivering, screaming a long string of curses that eventually became a mantra of "fuck me" repeated so many times that they both lost count. Dave slowed to a stop, gasping and panting with exertion.

"I think we're going to be doing a lot of this." She smiled giddily, closing her eyes and sighing in satisfaction. "It's even more fun than I'd hoped. You haven't come yet, have you?" Mindy inquired breathlessly.

Dave laughed, equally winded. "You'll know when I do." He continued trying to catch his breath.

Mindy seized her lover by the shoulder and rolled him onto his back. Dave blinked at the ceiling in surprise, still buried to the hilt in the lovely temptress who now sat astride him. She looked down at him with a predatory smile.

"My turn." She sing-songed as she squirmed into a comfortable position in his lap.

Dave found the squirming delightful, though he still didn't have the energy to do anything but try to catch his breath. Mindy wasn't put out by Dave's lethargy though - it seemed she wanted to take charge for a bit. She soon found a comfortable angle and rhythm, sliding up and down his length and observing his reactions, trying to find out what he liked best. She was fascinated by the clenching of his stomach, which highlighted his faint but hard-won abs. She ran her fingers over his chest, eventually bracing herself on it as she dropped her hips onto his with even greater vigor than before.

Mindy thought Dave would be enjoying himself, but his expression was distressed.

She slowed down and furrowed her brow in concern. "Am I doing this wrong?" The flushed girl asked uncertainly. "I thought it was supposed to be easy to get a guy off - am I hurting you?"

"You're doing everything very right." Dave assured her with a strained smile, moving his hands to grip her hips as she rose and fell on him. "I've been trying to hold out longer. I just want you to enjoy this."

"I already enjoyed this." Mindy playfully pointed out.

"Once. My goal is at least a 2:1 ratio." He clarified.

"My, I scored a gentleman, didn't I?" She purred.

"Yup." Dave admitted without a trace of modesty. "Plus, I'm fucking Hit Girl, here - New York's most beloved public servant. Gotta bring my A-game."

Mindy laughed. "I love you."

Dave reached up to cup her cheek, sliding his hand down to her neck and brushing her jawline with his thumb. "I love you too." Mindy pressed herself into his touch, which - to her surprise - still made her heart race a little faster, even when they were already joined so intimately.

Dave dropped his hand to her lap and pressed against her groin, finding the faint outline of himself within her and applying some outside force to heighten the experience for her. He let his thumb linger above her entrance, lightly brushing her sparse curls as she rose and fell on him.

Mindy seemed to approve. "Oh fuck." She hissed, closing her eyes. "Keep doing that." She dropped lower over Dave, her hair slipping over her shoulders and tumbling onto his chest, framing her face and tickling him incessantly. Mindy gripped the bed on either side of Dave's body, arching her back so that her stomach brushed against his, no longer moving up and down, but rocking backward and forward on him. As there was no longer any room for his hand between them, Dave gripped her shoulders to help her on the back stroke, driving into her just a bit harder. That definitely did something for Mindy. She spasmed around him and emitted a little gasp of pleasure. She then opened her eyes and gave her boyfriend a curious look, as if she'd had an idea. Her curiosity overpowered her desire to keep up their previous pace, and she paused. "Hang on a second." She moved back, slowly burying him all the way. Then she narrowed her eyes slightly in concentration.

To an outside observer, it would appear that nothing was happening. Dave, however, felt an immediate and unexpected change, and he groaned in response. "Cool." Mindy grinned. "I wasn't sure I could do that on command."

"You can. You absolutely can. Any time. But if you do it too much we're going to be done early." Dave warned. He bit his lip as she did it again.

Though it required a great deal of concentration, Mindy began to work her new discovery into her routine to great effect. Soon, Dave's breathing became more labored and his body began to tense up. "Are you close?" He asked shakily.

"I don't - _nnh_ - know, maybe?" Her eyes were clenched shut.

Dave wrenched himself up and wrapped one arm around Mindy, crushing her body to his while flipping her onto her back. He'd essentially picked her up with one arm in a bout of crazy berserker strength. _Never did that with Katie._

Knowing he didn't have long, he pounded into Mindy as hard and deep as he could. Mindy whined in approval, and Dave heard his name escape her lips as a high-pitched moan. Finally, he could hold back no longer. He collapsed over his petite lover, tensing and lancing into her, growling her name into her hair. The knowledge of Dave's release coupled with the feeling of the white-hot evidence splashing into her sent Mindy over the edge as well, preserving the 2:1 ratio as Dave had hoped. She wrapped herself around him, squeezing him tightly with both her arms and legs. "Dave." Mindy sighed weakly as she felt him fill her up. "Love... you." They'd curled into a tense ball together, quivering in their mutual release.

"Luffyoutoo." He gasped.

About a minute later, after his wits returned, Dave asked Mindy if he was crushing her.

"No." She sighed in satisfaction. Dave felt her kiss his neck. "It's nice. Stay a while."

Dave stayed locked in the odd embrace with Mindy until his hips could no longer bear the strain. He finally rolled off of her, though he immediately pulled her back into his arms to spoon. Before he drew her in completely, he blew onto her back, having noticed that she - like himself - was flushed and sweaty.

"Ooh, that's nice." Mindy shivered at the breeze on her rosy and feverish flesh.

When Dave began to feel lightheaded, he stopped blowing and pulled his petite lover's body flush with his own, causing Mindy to scrunch her face up in distaste. "Ewwww..." She laughed. "It's all slimy!"

"I know, right?" Dave agreed. "There's no way people would do this if it wasn't fun."

For a few minutes, Mindy seemed content in Dave's arms, enjoying the intimate stretch of calm while he kissed her neck and traced random shapes on her stomach and breasts. After some light squirming, she spoke. "Would it totally kill the mood if we went to clean some of this off?" She asked apologetically, clearly holding back a giggle.

"Probably, but don't let it stop you." Dave chuckled in response, tracing a ring around her navel with his finger.

Mindy rolled away from him and off the bed, wobbling a bit as she stood. "Oh Jesus Christ I'm _dripping_!" She moaned, running gingerly into the bathroom. "God, that's weird!" Her laughter echoed off the tile.

"Yeah, that'll happen." Dave admitted, enjoying a private smile at the behavior of his young and charmingly blunt paramour. He got up and shuffled into the bathroom, where he found Mindy smiling coyly at herself in the mirror. Dave performed a minor clean-up of his own and then joined Mindy in her inspection, wrapping his arms around her from behind and resting his chin on her head.

"Do I look any different?" She wondered aloud. "I think I'm about as hot as before, right? No more, no less?"

"I don't know." Dave said doubtfully. "I think you're glowing a bit." He then dropped his voice as close to Barry White territory as possible and waggled his eyebrows lasciviously. "It's a side-effect of gettin' busy with Kick-Ass."

"A tingly, happy feeling that's so crazy-good it makes you glow?" Mindy suggested.

"Nope. Radiation poisoning." Dave quipped.

"Now there's an origin story." Mindy laughed. "Inseminated by a radioactive nerd, mild-mannered Mindy Macready is compelled to... uh." She paused, having lost her momentum.

"How about this?" Dave cut her off, taking her by the chin and leaning down to kiss her. Their lip-lock was long and lazy, devoid of the frantic passion that had consumed them in the bedroom.

Finally they parted. Before she opened her eyes, Mindy subtly nodded her head. "Yeah, that works." She murmured.

Still riding the wave of fuzzy feelings that had followed their lovemaking, Mindy walked into Dave until he was pressed against the wall opposite the counter, then wrapped her arms around him and rested her cheek against his chest. After making herself comfortable, she closed her eyes. Dave occupied himself by smoothing out Mindy's hair, eventually letting his gaze rest on their reflection. He could just make out a small smile peeking through the dangling tresses of Mindy's hair, half-mashed against his chest. She was utterly content, and so was he.

"Hey," Dave's tired eyes narrowed suspiciously. "This whole kidnapping-police-chase thing wasn't just an elaborate ruse to get me into the sack, was it?"

Mindy snorted against his chest. "Sure. That's it. You got me." She admitted sarcastically, not bothering to peel herself away from his body as she spoke.

"I knew it." Dave closed his eyes and smiled widely. "Well-played."

They stayed that way for some time - reveling in each other, standing in a naked embrace in a tiny bathroom in a tiny apartment somewhere in Queens in the wee hours of the morning. They could have been anywhere - on the lam, in Dave's basement, or on patrol - it didn't matter. As long as they had more moments like this one, they'd be happy.

**End**


	17. Chapter 17

**HAHA! You thought I was DONE? Well BAM! Now THIS is happening. (I was expecting a lot more reviews for the last chapter. I wonder if I disappointed somehow.)**

**The New New Mission**

"Daddy, can you tell me another hero story?"

"You know, most little girls are ready to fall asleep after a lullaby like that." Dave pointed out with only the tiniest amount of exasperation.

Meanwhile, Mindy watched and listened from the hall through the slightly open door. _Most fathers probably sing actual lullabies instead of just crooning Red Hot Chili Peppers songs._ She smiled in silent mirth.

"Not me." Young Robin countered.

"No, not you." Dave smiled. She was going to cause him immeasurable grief in the future, if only because he couldn't resist her. "Who do you want to hear about?"

"Kick-Ass!" She answered with a huge grin. At least she was predictable.

"Hmm. I don't know. I think maybe you've heard about Kick-Ass's entire life by now." Dave smiled skeptically. "What haven't I told you yet?"

"He fell in love with Hit Girl, but did they live happily ever after?" The little girl inquired.

"They..." Dave began, thinking he might just say 'yes' and be done with it. But Robin wanted a story, and he knew she wouldn't let him leave until she'd heard one. "They almost didn't." His daughter's eyes widened in surprise and excitement, and he merely nodded seriously at her appropriately enthralled response.

"One night, Hit Girl was walking home from seeing Kick-Ass. An insane villain had fallen in love with Kick-Ass, and wanted him for herself. So she laid a trap for Hit Girl." Dave recalled a building with a purple awning and a young girl with a coloring book.

"But Hit Girl doesn't fall for traps. She sets traps!" Robin clearly thought she knew where this was going.

Mindy smiled wryly to herself. _Mommy's not perfect._

"Hit Girl _did_ fall for this trap, because it was baited with a little girl. The girl was almost as cute as you, so of course even Hit Girl wouldn't have been able to resist." Dave shook his head sadly. "The villain's name was Goodbye Nurse, and she knocked Hit Girl out and tied her up while her guard was down. Goodbye Nurse was a coward, so she called another villain to help her finish the job. But while she waited for her partner in crime to arrive, Kick-Ass realized that Hit Girl was missing. He left his house and started running. He ran all over New York looking for her." He made a sweeping gesture as if indicating a vast distance.

Mindy rolled her eyes. _It was only a small chunk of Queens, but when you're that worried I suppose it might feel like the whole city._

"How did he find her?" Robin asked with concern.

"He closed his eyes and concentrated as hard as he could on his love for Hit Girl. He could feel that she was still alive, and that she was close, so he kept running until the love felt so strong his chest hurt." _Or because he was slightly out of shape._ "He finally found her by following his heart."

Robin was too engrossed to protest the sappy turn the story was taking. "What happened when he found Hit Girl? Did he have to fight Goodbye Nurse and the other villain?" She demanded.

"Not quite." Dave admitted. "Goodbye Nurse's mind was warped and twisted around her love for Kick-Ass, and when she saw how much Kick-Ass loved Hit Girl, all the hate left her at once. When she saw how angry she'd made Kick-Ass, she knew he would never love her. That's how Kick-Ass defeated her. He never even had to hit Goodbye Nurse, even though Hit Girl really wanted him to." He smiled, recalling the threats Mindy reported making to Katie before he arrived.

"But doesn't he always do what Hit Girl wants?" Robin asked with genuine confusion.

Mindy nearly lost it in the hallway, doubled over with silent laughter.

"Most of the time. Not always." Dave said defensively. "But it's usually what he wants to do anyway." He assured her, and - to some degree - himself. "And when it's not, he doesn't mind because he loves her so much."

"Why does Kick-Ass love her? They're both heroes, but there are lots of heroes. Boys _and_ girls. Why did Kick-Ass fall in love with Hit Girl?" She asked.

"Do you remember Hit Girl's origin story?" Dave asked.

"Yeah... kind of." She hemmed. "She beat Death the day she was born, so when Big Daddy had to die, he was already friends with Death."

"Yes, but do you remember why Death left Hit Girl behind?" Dave prompted. Robin shook her head sheepishly. Dave smiled wryly. "Death saw what Hit Girl would become. He saw how beautiful, kind, and strong she would be. Kick-Ass could see those things in Hit Girl too, and that's why he loves her."

"Oh. So Kick-Ass saved Hit Girl and then they lived happily ever after?" The little girl summarized.

"Ah, no." Dave scratched his neck in memory of the clusterfuck that followed. "Then - _just when Kick-Ass had set her free -_ Hit Girl had to rescue Kick-Ass from a dangerous gang."

"Was it the Russians?" Robin gasped.

"Nope. More dangerous. They called themselves the five-oh." Dave explained cryptically.

Mindy let out another snort of mirth.

Robin's interest was piqued. She'd heard about Crips, Bloods, and MS13. But never these Five-Oh's. "What happened?" She demanded.

"Story for another night!" Dave declared. "That was also the night Hit Girl finally convinced Kick-Ass to give her the kiss she'd been wanting for so long."

"That's not right." Robin insisted. "They had their first kiss in a forest. You already told me that story."

"Oh." Dave chuckled nervously. "Maybe the other time was their first _hug_ and I got them mixed up." He shrugged. "Might ask your Mom about that one."

Mindy narrowed her eyes at Dave. _Thanks a lot, asshole. Now I've got a day to come up with a child-safe version of our first time._

"Oh come on!" Robin whined. Her father had left the story hanging in a precarious place. "Dick move, Daddy." She crossed her arms and harrumphed adorably.

Mindy smiled.

"Maybe, but you need your sleep." He bent down to kiss her forehead and turned to leave. "Night, sweetie."

"Daddy, where are Kick-Ass and Hit Girl now?" The young girl asked quietly.

He paused at the door. "I don't know. Nobody's seen them in a long time."

"Why?" She asked.

"Maybe they found a new mission. Something more important than fighting crime." He smiled lovingly at her, and, as predicted, it sailed right over her little head.

"Oh. That's good." She yawned. "Goodnight, Daddy."

"Goodnight sweetheart." Dave replied. He opened the door and closed it lightly, turning to find Mindy looking up at him - she never had grown much - with a self-satisfied smile. He'd learned that this particular smile meant she was very happy with herself for shacking up with him. He liked seeing that smile. Her happiness was a barometer for his own.

"Good story." She wrapped her arms around him, and he did the same. "But I'm pretty sure we designated _us_ as the New Mission."

"I guess that makes the munchkin the New New Mission." Dave sighed in contentment, kissing Mindy's forehead.

"That sounds about right." Mindy agreed, closing her eyes and leaning into Dave's chest. She'd had a few missions in life, and this one was definitely her favorite.

**NOW I'm done.**


End file.
